living corpse
by SebonzaMitsuki27
Summary: ToushirouKarin. AU. When you find something to live for, make sure you grab hold of it with two hands, and never let go.
1. broken heart

She loves the ocean; it's chaos represented by beauty, enhanced at a certain part of the day.

And she sits, resting on the red bonnet of her car, legs sprawled, skinny arms leaning on the clear windscreen, resting behind her head, folded in a casual manner. For a moment, she closes her eyes, two dark blue mirrors framed by thick lashes, listening to the beat of her heart, the sound of her breath, exhaling slowly, calmly, before her awareness spreads to the sound of the stereo, playing quietly in the background, the melody unheard unless she strains her ears, concentrating on something to pass the time.

A smile is nearly drawn from her lips, quirked at the corners, but not enough to reach her cheeks, her wistful eyes. If she lingers in her mind, a black box conjured to protect her from her imagination, the memories that haunt her, from a look by those irises to contact on the lips, but if she listens, really listens, drowning out the sound of her thoughts, the beating of her heart, she can hear the music of the ocean.

Opening her eyes, she moves to switch off the stereo, before resuming her original position. It's time.

Dusk begins, slowly dissipating the celestial blue shades with streaks of emerald and ruby, silver mingling through folds of white clouds, tinted with snow blue, shining forth a beacon of light, golden like the sun's burn, catching fire in fields of wheat, where the crop sways back and forth, moved by the wind, strong against her face, pulling her hair, letting it billow into the wind like a ship's mast. Like a baby reaching for contact, red bleeds into the world, a football scoring the winning goal, erasing the azure sky of its bright colour, the crowd's applause, the hugs and kisses, strokes of crimson replacing the broken wisps of light blue.

She tilts her head, pale compared to her black tresses of hair, sliding down her shoulder like a drop of water into the ocean. And with admiration, she watches the view, trying to memorize the sparkling liquid with its sonorous tranquillity, her heart clenched in her chest, like a child still living in illusions, naïve about the world that surrounds her.

But that's why she returns to this place – her secret, a hidden box locked with trinkets that danced to an irregular beat – to remember that even if she feels down, her anger too much for her to control, or her emotions bubbling like a whirlpool, swirling into a sea of regret… resplendent beauty exists, and will exist without her, without knowing of her existence. Somehow, whether it is the vision of untouched nature, or the silence that lies in her wake, the thought gives her hope, the dream that still remains in her fractured heart; daring her to trust, forgive, once more.

She isn't the centre of the world, and she smiles bitterly at the irony, losing herself once more to the watery depths, lulling a sweet melody.

Back and forth, the salty water swishes, briny wind tangling her hair, silently mocking her, hues of shimmering saffron and sapphire, dashed with speckles of cotton candy clouds, clashing with the brilliant sky, still lingering in its metamorphosis.

A thought came to her once, where wet tears once splashed hotly on her cheeks that it almost looked like the sun was being devoured by the sea. And the sun, how it shone, blazing with white pride, yellow honour and red passion, smouldering as it sank into the mouth of the sea, forgotten in its watery grave.

She blinks her dark pools of dilated blue, growing and shrinking, intense as memories filter into her mind, seeping past the barrier. Cold, she shakes her head, rubbing her arms, her chest heaving, hoping for friction to warm her up. She closes her eyes, compressing her mouth into a thin line, pressed too tight, teeth nearly breaking her skin.

.**x**

Inhale. Exhale. Rinse and repeat, like the waves that wash each other out, an endless tug of war.

Think of calm thoughts, memories of laughter and smiles.

_Real_ ones, when you were happy.

But… you're not happy anymore, are you?

.**x**

Her phone rings, singing a bittersweet melody.

Sighing, dark blue eyes snap open, bony arms automatically reaching for the noisy object, flipping it open in one move, a reflex action. Her eyes skim, darting back and forth, checking the name once, twice, thrice, before breathing out heavily in relief.

**

* * *

**

Incoming call.

_Kurosaki Ichigo…_

* * *

Her thumb presses the green button before she even registers it, accepting the call. Hesitating, she holds the phone at arms length, before shifting into a more comfortable position, leaning back against the car's front screen, casual and poised, half-heartedly watching the sunset, eventually succumbing to her curiosity, braving her fear and placing the phone towards her face, her mouth, her ear.

"Nii-san." She says, satisfied with how her voice seemed so clear and articulate, with no trouble or stumble.

"_Stop calling me that. What ever happened to good old 'Ichi-nii'?"_ The gruff voice of her elder brother made her smile, eventually causing a laugh to bubble out of her. At least he hadn't changed.

"I grew up." Her smile fades, dark eyes growing cold and detached. Feeling slightly awkward, she coughs, smoothly going into safer grounds. "Anyway, what's up?"

"_A lot. Get back home already."_

"Miss me?" She giggles, teasing him, touched. "You know, I…"

"_Karin."_ Her breath hitches, and she can sense his impatience, the important subject looming ahead, wondering how he's going to break it to her. _"Please."_

She stifles a gulp, her throat suddenly think, the words not easily forming like before.

"Okay." She finally says, her tongue heavy. "Tell me."

"… _I can't."_ He eventually says, frustrated. _"Not like this."_

"Alright. Face to face, then." She sighs, compressing her lips, and looking up, trying not to let her eyes water. "I'm coming home, then."

"_Karin,"_ Ichigo hesitates, before pursuing his sentence, _"come straight home. It's better if we tell you… than anybody else."_

"Can do. I won't fail you, chief strawberry. No talking to strangers. No talking to friends. Just come home and expect a welcome party. And a box of pocky." She adds, almost as an afterthought, hearing his laugh, oddly hollow. "See you soon, nii-san."

"_Ja ne, Karin."_

* * *

_Beep… beep…_

**Call ended.**

* * *

He sounds… broken, Karin muses, glancing once more at the diminishing sunset, the colours resuming darker colours of blue. There was barely any trace of the sunset, streaks of crimson red blurring into lines of pink, dusted over by black of the night hues.

For a second, she gazes at her phone, her bony hands cradling it, trembling.

.**x**

She unloads the football, placing it in front of the cliff.

Stepping back, and stepping back once more, she gains speed and kicks the football into the sea, a flurry of black and white becoming shades of grey. With a solemn face, she hears the football splash into the sea, hoping it surfaces and drifts, like a message in a bottle, for one day that secret will be uncovered, found at last.

Home.

What an odd word.

Now, she has to return to them, with a smile and sarcastic attitude, with open arms and a feast.

Hopefully, they won't notice that she's come back damaged beyond repair.

Kurosaki Karin drives away under a starless night sky, forgetting the memory of the beautiful sunset.

.**x**

_living corpse  
_1 : broken heart

.**x**

It's been one day. No, that's incorrect. It's been more than one day, but still, it feels like the same day has been repeating over and over again, set on rewind and play, like a broken cassette player. The actions, the movements have turned predictable, like a robot slowly beginning to work.

It's been one long month.

Waking and slumbering, with dreamless sleep, the only comfort is a big black nothing, untouched as he drifts away in this vortex that pulls him into grief, isolation. He knows he can't let go. He knows he needs support. He knows he needs to break down so he can move on and cherish the memory, but his stubborn pride won't let him, clinging on to honour and duty, his love too strong, too fierce.

And it's tearing his insides out, slowing the blood flow in his head, his heart.

He's only fallen in love twice, and it hurts too much to do it again. The emotions that overflow… the heart that beats too fast and too quickly… and the touches that burn, far too short to be considered fair, far too long to not be considered intimate… all of it, the process, the act of falling… is painful.

He doesn't think he could make it if he fell in love a third time.

.**x**

Wake up.

Get up.

Stand up.

Move forwards.

That's the cycle that keeps you going, clinging from one day to the next; the sun rises, and you wake up with her kisses on your lips, barely grazing your cheeks; the sun sinks and you drift into her ghostly embrace, her warm arms wrapped around your body. You move with her memory at your side, seeing her in the mirror instead of yourself.

But… that's not moving on.

And when will you?

When will you be able to walk, head held high, with the ghost no longer sewn to your icy presence?

Will that time ever come, or will you lose yourself to the frost?

.**x**

Yuzu lets herself into his house, shivering at the chill that sweeps down her spine, tingling with the bittersweet taste of grief and love. Her fingers brush the wall, dust drawn to her gentle fingertips, her pearly white nails drumming in a slow waltz. Her bright eyes take a cautious glance, surveying the mess and clutter, left unclean for so long.

Brown eyes glance to the stairs, where a shadow looms. There is no mistaking it – it's him. Hitsugaya Toushirou. There is no one quite like him, and she has become accustomed to his mourning silence.

"Kurosaki-san." He acquiesces, his hands groping for the banister, the only item that will keep him steady, walls cause him to slump and he cannot trust doors anymore. His limbs are shaking, but his body is the same state as his mind: numb. He does not care about his body and his mind is tormented by his memories. Yuzu winces at his formal tone, using her surname instead her first name, but it is only to be expected.

"Toushirou-kun." Yuzu replies, polite and calm. "I'm sorry I haven't been visiting but I…" Her fingers twist on her skirt, a long and flowery purple one, clenching together as guilt sinks in. "… so much has happened."

He nods, dark red-rimmed eyes glazed. "What are you doing here?"

It's not rudeness, nor a sign of saying that she is unwanted; it's his manner of enquiring, rough, not overly polite, but certainly not rude. He cannot stand small talk, finding it pointless. Most of the time. And Yuzu smiles, her smile as delicate as a lily, trembling as the ripples of water slowly disorientate her. She is used to this, his cold behaviour, the icy exterior, the aching interior…

"To clean." She shrugs, offering a compromise, to sate her motherly needs to look after him. "To cook. You haven't been taking care of yourself."

"Did you expect me to?"

She nearly laughs, soft and apologetic, like a deer caught in headlights, but refrains; instead, she merely looks at the dusty place where the air is thick with stagnant sorrow, enveloped in tender silk garnished by love. "No," she admits, grey eyes forming into rain clouds. "I did not. I'm sorry."

She almost turns to go, but bites her lip, not expecting to hear his forgiveness, a careless mistake on her part, waiting for what he will say next. He will not disturb her, and he is quite content to leave the cleaning in her capable hands.

"Kurosaki-san." He stops her with his firm but quiet voice. "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

And she looks at him, her big eyes penetrated by his piercing eyes, searching for the truth. There are two reasons why Yuzu cleans: the first to simply place things back in order, the second to clear away her guilt, focusing on something else instead.

"She's coming back." She softly utters, dazed by the news. "Karin-chan is coming back."

And for one second, while his pulsing heart clenches and his grip tightens, he wishes that it was Karin who died instead of his girlfriend.

.**x**

Disclaimer: Five words. Kubo Tite.


	2. ice age

Her life is orientated by sport. Football. Tennis. Rugby. Baseball.

All of which have an unpredictable tempo. Fast, slow, long, quick. There is no telling what is going to happen next in the game; who is the winner, who is the loser; who strikes last and wins, who fails to defend and loses. Two people, two teams – the size, the numbers don't matter, only the fact there are two oppositions, with two final outcomes, set in stone when time is up. Or maybe not, for things such as foul play exist, lowering the chances for one team and raising the moral for another.

Sport is a metaphor for the relationship of her family. Because they're so unpredictable that no one actually knows what's going to happen next while remaining in their presence. The Kurosakis take things slow, they take things fast; but it still seems like a nightmare decorated in frills of silk and made of dreams. They'll laugh, smile, shout and act human. But there's no denying that the family is not normal.

Then again, who wants normal?

Normal is _boring._

.**x**

Picture it now:

"Extra! Extra!" The ghosts whisper in hushed amazement. "They've turned normal! They're not a bucket of insanity anymore! They live and breathe like normal human beings and act like them too!" Their eyes gloss within the reflective surface, fanatically happy that no one can see them, fanatically unhappy that they aren't seen any more.

An inconspicuous Isshin. A social Ichigo. A Karin that is fine with being left out.

It's completely unrealistic and out of character.

Yuzu's normal. Well, the _most_ normal. But she's theirs and the Kurosakis' love her just the way she is. And even she contains a quirk, though she hides it within wafts of cooking smells. Hers isn't as apparent as the other three.

But no, the Ghost Media would not be a big hit since no one can see them.

And the thought of the Kurosakis' as 'ordinary' is impossible.

Unthinkable, really. No point in dwelling on it.

.**x**

Slowly, she lowers her sunglasses, dark blue eyes piercing the bright sky, hidden behind shadowed lenses. Her nose sniffs, wiggling in an odd manner, before repeating the aforementioned method to check if her senses were in fact reliable.

The house is burning.

And her eyes are not deceiving her. Because the house is perfectly fine, save the smoke that slithers out of the glassy windows like vines that have turned into an ashen grey, slowly sauntering into new territory.

It's wonderful that the neighbours aren't panicking, or calling the cops. They must have suffered through this ordeal before; remembering that the screams and the shouts and the clatters and smoke fumes are perfectly, perfectly, beyond their control and not their business. They aren't worried at all.

White teeth bite on crimson lips, trying to suppress a grin. Locks of raven hair barely scrape past her shoulders, as her head lowers to her chest, downcast in her amusement. Her mouth widens; the idea too great to handle and laughter pours out of her like a hot spring, bubbling and bubbling as she emanates warmth, fizzling out of her like a volcanic eruption. She covers her mouth with her hand, to stop the sound from escaping. But like magma transforming into lava as it makes contact with the surface, it's already too late.

"You have got to be kidding me." She murmurs, devious eyes twinkling in a devilish manner, eyebrows arched in a disbelieving manner, and still she sits in the driver's seat, clothes camouflaged by black leather, her head visible in the bright red car, pale in a mixture of red and black. Goth, people called her. Stylish, she corrected, she liked the _style_. Of the car.

Lanky arms stretch, resting on the car's door, the windows rolled down, and like a cat she leans forward, chin barely touching her folded arms. Her mouth widens, a little too wide as the door opens and a lazy, grouchy boy steps forward from the porch, yawning.

And quickly stops in his tracks, his dark eyebrows furrowing.

_Ichigo._

Who is lacking the promised pocky stick and quickly hiding his mobile phone.

Blue eyes twinkle behind shadowed lenses; the Cheshire smile sparkling.

.**x**

"Hey, nii-san!" She calls, laughing somewhat and looking for an evil way to tease him.

"What?" He mutters, running his hand through his hair. He knows that look all to well

Her dimple dances, always a sign of trouble. Clouds in the air slink away, though the gas fumes are quick to replace it, though far mistier and more transparent than the white strewn of cotton floating away in the blue sky will ever be. A breeze picks up, rustling her hair making it shimmer and swirl as she steps out of the car, black boots hitting the ground with a _thud_, straightening her biker jacket and just for the final touch, raises her sunglasses so it rests above her hair instead of her nose.

"Why the _hell _is Goat Beard cooking?"

.**x**

_living corpse  
_2 : ice age

.**x**

The grouchy dragon finds Yuzu sleeping, snuggling into the red blanket on the sofa, snoring ever so slightly, her honey-brown hair in a mess. He can't help but smile sadly, that was what his girlfriend used to do, except she always burrowed herself into his arm, nuzzling her nose like a little puppy.

As if she knows that Hitsugaya Toushirou is watching her, Kurosaki Yuzu awakens, dark eyelashes flickering open, revealing warm brown eyes, her limbs somewhat soft. It's weird how easily she becomes part of the furniture, accustoming herself to her new habitat. Perhaps the mothering nature that she contains is the cause of it, loving, kind and tender, always. Or maybe it's because Yuzu is the wallflower of her family, unseen to most people, but not forgotten. Definitely not forgotten, or the Kurosakis would go mental. They love their family deeply, however abusive they are to their patriarch because he earns it.

"Morning, Toushirou-kun." She mumbles, rubbing her eyes, a constant reminder of a small child, innocent like a sheep.

A smile adorns his face while he waits for her reaction when she realizes that she didn't go home.

Gentle hands clap her mouth, eyes widening in horror. "I didn't!"

"… you did."

"Toushirou-kun, I'm really sorry. Do Otou-san and Ichi-nii know? Because you really don't want them to pounce on your tail…" Water bubbles up in her eyes, almost ready to overflow. She babbles, thinking about the consequences and possible what ifs and maybes.

His smile turns into a smirk before turning into a frown. It's cute for a while, before it becomes annoying. "Kuro—"

"—and then there's the rabbits—"

He winces, hating the reminder. There has to be a way to make her stop talking, though usually she's a sensitive girl. _"Yuzu."_

"—or… what?" She blinks, doe eyes widening and staring at him surprised. Her mouth parts, as if she's about to say something, but no words come to mind. The result is a rather adorable fish impersonation, though her personality is more like a deer. His use of her first name shocks her, almost a painful memory in the past when he _did_ used to use her first name. Now he has drawn back, distant and trying to protect himself from the real world, sheltering himself from the full barrage of emotions.

"I called Kurosaki yesterday. They know, and it's alright. I was going to offer you breakfast." Carefully, he explains, trying to maintain his composure, breaking as she made an effort to care.

"Oh. Um." She takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the heat of her cheeks rising, her blush of embarrassment. "Sorry."

"So, breakfast?" He offers her a hand, a balanced trade for the help she's done to him, and not letting his apartment look like a mausoleum dust everywhere with the memory of death, the stench unbearable.

And she smiles, soft and kind, her expression like sunbeams, tenderly touching his icy heart, not enough to melt it, but enough to be felt. She takes his hand and pulls herself up, still in her clothes from yesterday.

"Okay."

.**x**

"Nii-san, if you think I'm stepping one _foot_ in _there_, well, you've got another thing coming."

She could hit him. Hard. He's asking her a question like the two evils and which one was the lesser one. The answer is obvious: neither, both of them contain the same amount of it.

"Come on, Karin. Pick one. You've got to eat, and I mean _healthy _food." Her brother sighs, not quite able to rid the frown of his grumpy face, despite being amused. "Life on the road—"

"—doesn't have Yuzu's cooking. I know, I know. Choice was friggin' obvious." Karin mutters, feeling her cheeks heat up, blemishing her pale white skin, hating the decision she had made. But given the choice, she wouldn't choose the alternative. Anything is better than that. She ruffles her hair, feeling the wind toy with it, looking away, that painful glimmer in her eye. It's barely visible, but Ichigo can see it. "Where is that dipshit living, anyway?"

"So, you're—"

"Yep." Clicking her tongue, bitten nails drum on the red car, a habit to hide her chagrin. "I don't want to, but seems like I've got no choice."

She has a choice, but she isn't willing enough to suffer through it again. One holiday is enough.

Stretching her arms, she grins lopsidedly, head tilting to the side, a mixture of love, embarrassment, annoyance and understanding cross her face. Only Kurosakis can pull it off, and Karin and Ichigo are masters at that expression. "At the very least, you do have pocky, right?"

Suddenly sheepish, Ichigo can't help but grin. "Sorry. Didn't expect you come so early. Still, we can always go the convenience store; plenty of pocky there."

"Yeah." Karin says, sliding into her car. "Right after we rescue our princess from the _beloved_ dragon. That bastard is not going to court my sister." There's a pause, awkward and unknown, and Karin feels like she's crossed the line, but doesn't know why. Her brother says nothing, an odd look passing through his familiar face, and he shifts, wondering if he should be the one to tell her.

She's been gone a long time.

"Get in." She inclines her head, waiting for him to join her, turning the key and revving up the motor, sliding her sunglasses with her free hand. "I don't know the way, so lead me, mighty strawberry."

She's missed so much.

"You're never going to accept Isshin's cooking, are you?"

"Never."

.**x**

There's a comfortable silence between them, deep and familiar, relaxing them like being enveloped in a warm hug and nothing can ever hurt them. But that's their love, deep and everlasting, however disgruntled they get at each other.

She drives slowly and leisurely, her hair lifting ever so slightly, like a ship's mast, billowing in the wind, rippling like leaves in flight. Her eyes, dark blue as ever drink in the landscape, absentmindedly taking in the differences and the similarities that have happened since she's left.

"Where were you going?"

"Huh?" Leaning back, Ichigo watches his little sister from the corner of his eye.

"Before, when you opened the door – you were going somewhere." Musing, she connects the dots, grinning when she finds it. "You had a mobile… and, you were going to see your _girlfriend_." At Ichigo's hesitant squirm, her face twists, sheer amusement prettily showing on her face. "You _were_. That's cute! You and Momo, then?"

"Yeah." A sheepish smile tugs at the corner of his lip, partly at the thought of Hinamori Momo, the other part because even Karin has her girly moments. "We got together, eventually."

"Captain Strawberry and his Vice-Captain Peach. Fruits unite." A laugh escapes her lips, rich and merry and her brother can't help but join in. But the moment only last for so long, her hands tightening on the wheel, her foot using the brakes to slow down. She turns, her expression cloudy, eyes a mixture of regret and happiness. "How much have I missed?"

"Turn left, we're nearly there." Her orange haired companion sighs, closing his eyes and scratching the back of his head, waiting for her to comply. "A lot. A heck of a lot."

"I figured, nii-san. You gonna spill, or do I have to act like a complete idiot and not ask questions only to discover that I've made a grave error in this big blue world, and realize that I've only broken bonds instead of fixing them?"

"Wanderlust's a pain in the ass." Ichigo scowls, an ugly expression crossing his face. "I'm not to going break this gently; this town is frozen as it is idiotic. Rukia's dead. Car accident."

.**x**

Breathe.

_Breathe._

It's not the end of the world, just the end of her life. And she's been dead for quite some time.

Eyes widen, dilating. Breath is caught, stuck in her throat. Hands clench, harder and harder against the wheel and the car nearly stops moving.

_I wasn't there._

_But—_

No.

.**x**

"Hey, you're going to be okay, right?" Ichigo asks, so far away at the moment. His voice feels distant, because everything is disjointed, cracked and fractured like mirror shards breaking into a million different pieces.

"She's really dead, isn't she?" It still hasn't sunk in. The first thing to do is to reject, and that's one of the things Karin is best at, after headstrong confrontations.

"Pull over. We're here."

.**x**

Sport. There's always a certainty of the unpredictable. There are the underdogs and the favourites, two sides with one team predicted to win, the other who tries to win, giving it their all. Sometimes the favourites win, other times the underdogs win. It's not fifty-fifty, but it's sometimes, sending a message of hope to the normal civilians, never quite as famous as celebrities.

It isn't fixed, though people can try and force the outcome to their preference. That's life. That's sport. That's style.

And out of all the things that could have happened upon returning, she wasn't expecting that.

Well. That makes this reunion so much sweeter.

.**x**


	3. missing the sun

Actors are such finicky people. They're phoney, and they love it. They're real, and they hate it. Because their skin just isn't enough and their golden tongue is meant for lying, recycling garbled words formed from a script.

An 'actor' is just a synonym for 'liar'. Though not all liars are actors, they certainly attempt to be.

They believe under the folly of wisdom, that the world is their stage, and they are free to control it and reign supreme.

Except that's not the case and with panic fluttering like butterflies in an acidic stomach, those _actors_ (liars, every single one) realize far too late that the world will never bend to their ideal image. Their illusion shatters their deceitful hearts because events, supernatural or mundane, words or actions, are beyond their control.

But they still pretend because they can create such a pretty lie that glows like an electric eel in a very dark sea, before shocking someone to imminent doom.

The world is their stage, and they like to think that they can control it. Yet people die, breaking that mirage that shrouds them, which envelops the sense of godliness and omnipotence. _I can be anyone. I can rebuild my past. I can erase my bonds that tether me to this 'character' which is 'me'._ When reality breaks in, and those bonds still remain, torn from flesh and blood, the character known as 'myself' bleed into soul, numbing their mind, splintering what little remains of those false hearts.

And it hurts just that little bit more to smile.

.**x**

It feels like a dream, surreal and unreal, wrapped up in an icy glaze, white icing, perhaps, that blur the corners of her eyes. Or maybe it's known as tiredness, and Kurosaki Karin is merely unfocused, lost in a vortex that binds her to memories best left as memories, not forgotten, but there, distant in cracks of dreams and scenery.

She doesn't remember getting out of the car, or walking to the apartment – _Hitsugaya Toushirou's_ apartment. No, her mind is still engaged in waves of guilt, remorse and regret, drowning her in memories of the raven haired shrimp. But her body remembers the reluctant tug of Ichigo's impatient hand, impassively gripping her thin wrist and leading her with that familiar frown etched on his face.

Her steps are slow and sluggish, ambling in a zombie-like manner, drifting in the lonely sea of memories.

And the currents are swallowing her up—

.**x**

Boink.

.**x**

—and she's looking at the muddy and grassy ground, Ichigo's fist gently on her head, forcing her to inspect his shoes. She doesn't like them. Sneakers are so old fashioned. They suit him, weirdly enough.

Somehow, with his voice, lazy and gruff and _brotherly_ as it is… it feels pretty good to hear.

"Get a grip, and mourn later. Be emo in your time, stay away from knives, and while a possible _endless_ supply of pocky may be around you – try not to eat too much, alright? I want you up and ready to kick Toushirou's moping ass, and I doubt that you want your first meeting after, what, so many years, is you acting like a right angst magnet. You'll only make him feel better, and he's got to feel worse first. Or so I reckon."

"Oh, the _cauterizing _method, I remember that." A wry grin works its way onto her pale face, in a bout of reminisce. "The old man and his strange techniques, mad I tell you."

"As if his wake-up calls were _ever_ enough to satisfy his ideals of a 'proper family'." Ichigo wipes a grin onto his face, removing his hand from her dark tresses, stepping forward and disconnecting himself from her.

Between strands of thick locks, she watches Ichigo with a quirked grin on her face, slightly unbelieving, slightly amused. However, the curve of her lips shrink into a thin line, fading as her brother turns his back on her to ring the doorbell. When he looks back, neck arched like a black swan, the smile is on her face, as if it had never left. She looks down, glancing at her own shoes, boots – technically, and hides a quick grin, secretive and hidden from his eyes; and indulging her big brother, walks forward and folds her arms, shooting him a look and arching her eyebrows.

"We're saving her, I swear—"

.**x**

"_Acting as the overprotective brother, are you?"_

Oh. _He heard that?_ Ichigo glances at his hand, still on the buzzer and the electric thing that allowed communication to pass between them. A frown is on his face. _Damn_.

"Whatever. The old man's burning the house again and I miss Yuzu's cooking. You really got a problem with that? Man, we're being really nice and all—"

"_I never asked for it."_

"—we're friends, Toushirou. You don't have to. But even if my family lends you our master chef, it doesn't mean you can trap her in a tower."

"… _she was going home after breakfast, anyway."_

"Did she tell you that? Or did you decide that? Not everything goes according to what you think, and anyways, let me in already. I'm getting tired of seeing the same old scenery."

"_Fine. Wait there, Kurosaki."_

.**x**

Rolling his eyes, Ichigo turns back to face his little sister, her eyes on her car; he sees her back, framed by raven black hair, wondering if she really feels as strong as she appears. Her lanky arms are folded against the back of her head, and she asks him a question, her voice drawled and hinting boredom.

"… we're not slaying the dragon, are we?"

"Nah, too much effort, and besides, why are we using medieval metaphors? Dragons, princesses and locked up towers?"

"Simple, nii-san. Yuzu's our fairytale, the one we want to be unharmed, untainted, and untouched by the world. Silly, naïve as it is… I prefer it that way."

"It's been too long." His voice is soft, still maintaining that brotherly affection, not noticing the slight noise behind him, but neither does she.

"Yeah." She doesn't look back at him, but her arms have moved from her head to her hips, lowered within her sigh, an angry exhalation. "It really has."

"Kurosaki, did you fail to mention something?"

.**x**

She stiffens, trying to control her breathing, and rearrange her panicked features, her widened eyes.

He's behind her.

And it hurts to breathe, to meet his face, which she has not seen in so long.

.**x**

_I can't do this._

.**x**

Breathe. Breathe, girl. Breathe.

Remember, it's just an act, and sooner or later, you'll be leaving this backwater town.

.**x**

She turns, slowly, her arms fluidly falling to her side, her head dipping up and down within the pirouette, that uncannily sneaky grin on her face, dark blue eyes meeting cerulean blue.

It shatters her to act like this, but she _has_ to see this through, orchestrating the event to gamble into her favour. Her smile twists, her posture confident, her nature in a sunny disposition.

.**x**

_I must do this._

.**x**

"We did no such thing – you merely assumed that he was alone. What's with that face? Aren't you happy to see me, _Tou – shi – rou?_"

Karin cannot help but revel in the ire that blazes within those deep eyes, her red lips on her pale face widening further.

.**x**

_living corpse  
_3 : missing the sun

.**x**

Grudgingly, he lets them in, scowling at the flippant girl, who wears an abnormal smile on her face. He ignores Kurosaki and never notices the slight smirk that tilts the corners of his normally downcast lips.

Some things never change.

.**x**

Yuzu's still eating breakfast – helping herself to fruit when she hears heavy footsteps, three different beats, not quite a waltz. The first is Toushirou-kun, heavy footsteps that carry a burden. The second—

"I knew it. Yuzu really fixed this place up."

_The second is Ichi-nii!_ Yuzu thinks with a gasp and slight smile on her face. She'll recognise that voice anywhere. When he walks, his beat is loud but soft, not heavy like Toushirou-kun's. He's relaxed and aloof as always, but his kindness radiates like the warmth of a candle.

_So who's the third?_

"That's my sister for ya. Princess Cleanliness, I say."

"Karin-chan!" The joyfully familiar name slips her lips, as honey-brown hair flies in the air while she twists to face them, grey eyes sparkling in delight. "You're really here!"

And she flings herself at her sister's neck, breathing in the scent that made her sister real and corporeal, flesh and blood, a creature that's here and not going away.

It's Karin. Karin-chan who is sweet and a tomboy and gruff and stubborn and like a mirror, reflecting the rays of light into a sunny beacon. Like fireworks in the sky; Yuzu's happiness skyrockets, exploding into dazzling beams of radiance.

It's not a trick of the mind.

_She's really here._

.**x**

Remember to keep breathing.

Even if your sister is technically strangling you because she's squeezing _very_ tightly… you have to keep breathing.

Get your act together.

And be the sun that makes a smile shine across Yuzu's face.

.**x**

Bone white hands touch her sister's back gently, like a skeleton mannequin gliding across the stage with strings attached, ever soft and ever gentle.

"Yuzu, you're choking me."

"… oh, sorry, Karin-chan." Her meek voice sounds apologetic, but her hold isn't loosening. Actually, Karin would go as far as to say it's tightening.

Karin rolls her eyes, cheeks flushing red, though she tries not to let that deter her from sounding firm and unbothered. "Alright, alright. _Tadaima._"

Yuzu lets go slowly, her hands sliding down Karin's shoulders and arms, sending ripples down her younger sister's raven black hair, shimmering like a waterfall. Her head retracts from the curve of Karin's neck, and hazel brown meets blue irises, warm and content. "_Okaeri."_

"… you do realize that this is my house, not yours?" The bored and grumbling tone that is known as Hitsugaya Toushirou finally decides to speak.

"Butt out, rumbling dragon. It's the thought that counts. Ever heard the phrase 'home is where the heart is'?" Karin drawls, waving him away as she disentangles herself from Yuzu's arms, though the elder sister sneaks in one more hug while her attention is diverted.

Scowling, the dragon looks away. That infernal grin is back on her face, and it's a sight for sore eyes.

"Are you leaving now or what?" He sighs, tired of this debacle and of the youngest Kurosaki's presence. "You got your 'princess', you annoyed the 'dragon' now can the two 'chivalrous knights' get out of the tower and return to the 'mad king'?"

"Wow. I never thought that you'd play along in my labelling game." Karin narrows her eyes, her voice sardonic and biting; her cheeks flooding out a red sea, overflowing as her temper rises, brimming across the land that is known as pale flesh. Grinning like a demon, no longer in a delightful mood, she steps forward, glowering; the curves of her lips strained. "Did something happen while I was away?"

"Karin…" Ichigo warns, unheard by the youngest sister.

"Did someone pull that stick out of your ass?" Arms akimbo, her head tilts, her dark eyes trying to pierce his, with black locks spilling over her shoulder and she narrows the distance between them, unaware of the looks that passes between her siblings; Karin walks into unknown territory, bold and daring. A fool. "Did you actually find someone who could _stand_ you? Did you find someone who could _fawn_ over your righteous attitude, which is a fucking cold front?"

"…" His blue eyes darken, frosting over his icy shield. It's better not to make a comment. To say anything would be a reaction; to say nothing would be a reaction. To move, to talk, to breathe – they're all reactions, pissing off the bitchy brat who had finally returned home.

"Ne, Karin-chan, let's go." Yuzu mumbles, her warm hands brushing Karin's cold skin. "I have to make you a feast, don't I?"

And the youngest Kurosaki closes her eyes, counting to ten as she imagines kicking the goals into the net, bashing into the face of the goalkeeper – Hitsugaya Toushirou.

.**x**

She shoots—

—she _scores!_

And the goalie is left with a disfigured face.

Take _that, _you bloody bastard.

.**x**

"… yeah. You're right. We're done here." A sheepish grin spreads across her face, as her eyelids flicker open, amused at the image. "And I haven't shown you my car!" Purposely, she avoids looking at the host.

"Whatever. The old man is probably calling the fire brigade by now." Ichigo scratches the back of his orange head, hiding his relief. At least this time her temper didn't completely ruin the atmosphere, and that Yuzu had quickly diverted most of her attention and prevented any injuries from happening.

The three Kurosakis share a look.

"_Again."_

.**x**

They walk past him, in different rhythms, wreaking havoc to orchestrated silence. A cold breeze passes him by, gentle as Yuzu spares him one last glance, mocking as Karin stomps to the door, her irritation still visible in the noise she makes, bored as Ichigo opens the damn door.

He frowns as his hands dig into his pockets, exhaling heavily.

Kurosakis. Who needs them?

Chaos is easily formed whenever they are around. To them, it's as natural as breathing. Yuzu attracts it, skimming the surface, her fingers barely touching. Isshin gains its attention, through the ridiculous antics that he plots. Ichigo ignores it until it is too late; angering the chaotic beast and so it charges full speed at him with no remorse. As for Karin? Kurosaki Karin who used to play soccer and badmouthed anything that ticked her off? She gains velocity, swinging her leg into the air and waits for the ball to ricochet off her red soccer shoes and torpedo into the goal, nearly breaking the net.

Goal.

She makes chaos manifest into its worst form. She always brings out the worst in people.

And so she speaks; the sound of her voice soft. Her temper has waned, dark blue eyes shifting from swirling infuriation to sorrowful regret. Hands, bony skeletons, touch the door frame.

"I'm…"

.**x**

Words choke on her throat, dying on her tongue. Tresses of black hair stumble past her shoulder as she looks down, biting her lip. She's never _apologized_ to that jerk – ever! Yet she can't stand leaving it like that and Ichi-nii and Yuzu would interrogate her later, pressuring her – although it would most likely be Yuzu's influence since Ichi-nii didn't care either way – to apologize.

She slides her hands into her back pockets. It's probably better to face him and say it. Those damn three words, simplified into two. Sighing, she stamps one boot onto the ground, mustering up her resolve. Pointlessly, the amused air that escapes through her siblings' lips, are caught in her ear.

Looking down, Karin sees her black boots; looking left, she sees the door frame; looking right, the same. And so she grits her teeth, biting her lips once more and turns around.

"… trying to be civil."

.**x**

_You're stalling, you fool!_ A voice whispers; placing a hand on the reflective surface. _Say the words, if you can…_

_But it's not going to do anything to help. The damage is done, and like your brother, you have no idea on how to fix it._

.**x**

"I'm not the same stupid girl that you knew when I was last here, or even, before that." The words flow a little easier as she finds a way to channel her apology, walking across the stage to find her place and say the words with sincerity. "I have changed, even if I am a little messed up. But you can blame the old man for that, right?" She looks away, her eyes rummaging his house visually. A giggle slips past her lips, and she tucks her hair back behind her ear. "If you think about it, you can blame everything on that man. Where was I… oh yeah!"

Her aura brightens, and it's almost as if the clouds are clearing away, and making some room for the blue sky.

"I want to say… I really want to say…" She bobs her head, her tongue probing for words that flee from being said. It's a pretty good depiction of a duck. "… that…" Cheeks flushing, she internally curses, wondering why saying sorry is so hard when it comes to Hitsugaya Toushirou.

Dark blue eyes shift. "I want…" The words aren't easy, and blue irises dilate and contract as she blinks and catches her eye on the mirror. "… to say…" Her eyes return to the mirror, widening. She pales, white as bone. That _wasn't_ a trick of the light. "… _shit._"

Ichigo starts coughing as his hand reaches for Karin's arm and tugs her into his embrace. Except she's not moving. Or breathing. Or thinking.

She's crashing into reality; smashing through borders known as _acceptance._

"Um. We'll be going now." Ichigo gruffly says, as Yuzu offers a weak smile, bowing as she closes the door.

"Thank you very much, Toushirou-kun. Sorry about the inconveniences caused." Her voice is the last thing he hears, before being swallowed up in silence and his lonely prison.

_Huh. That was odd._

.**x**

She hates mirrors. The whole Kurosaki family hate mirrors.

Different characters played by one actor share the same face, and show the world that they're a liar, playing another person who isn't them. Mirrors, shiny and reflective, show the truth that doesn't want to be seen. Mirrors show the imperfections and layers upon layers of make-up that actors try to smear on top of their faces to try and create an illusion that cannot be recognised as 'them'. Mirrors can be shattered and still show a reflection, painting a refracted image that is another aspect of the picture.

Mirrors show the dead who refuse to move on. The Kurosakis are among the few who can see and hear them.

"Fuck. That wasn't a joke; she really _is_ dead."

And Karin has just seen the ghost of Kuchiki Rukia.

.**x**


	4. label it love

Click. Click. Click.

It starts slow, short and stunted, soft against her ears. It's a clipped tune that slowly binds her to her surroundings; focusing her disorientated mind into thoughts of the present and something that Karin has accustomed to, since Ichigo refuses to harm girls and Yuzu dares not hurt her.

Slow. Rhythmic. Familiar.

_Annoying._

The irritation grows as the noise increases, flowing through her veins and into her mind, and as she blinks, regaining her thoughts and scattering them in the air like feathers being mercilessly trapped by the wind, floating like clouds, before sinking like rain. Eyelashes blink, fluttering rapidly as control seeps into her cold body as she snaps her fingers once, friction crackling her fingertips.

Click. Click. Cli—

"_Stop."_

Her hand catches his wrist, squeezing almost painfully, insinuating anger as the sound is silenced. But her face has a wry grin, and it spreads onto Ichigo's face as he speaks.

"Welcome back to the land of the living."

.**x**

Cruel words, _stupid _words, profound words.

Maybe they're the wrong thing to say; maybe they're the right ones.

But they are out, thrown away into the air, never to be reclaimed. Because time can't be rewound, back to the start, back to where things started to go wrong. Mistakes have to be made, mistakes allow people to learn and grow from the experience. However, it doesn't make it any less embarrassing or humiliating.

He notices his little sister stiffen and relax, the words mocking and familiar to her.

Luckily, Karin knows how to take a joke, and the uneasiness fades from Ichigo's mind.

.**x**

"Idiot. I never left." Karin scowls, looking away as she catches Yuzu's eyes. Lips curl, ever so slightly, quirked as the old joke murmurs in their ears. "I just…" She shrugs, her expression fading into the blank canvas that she often likes to hide behind.

"Does it really matter?" Yuzu asks, quelling her questions for now, hesitating to find the right time and place. "You're back. We have all the time in the world to ask you anything."

"… yeah." The younger sister says; slow to reply, strangely off kilter. "You're right. We should get out of here while we can."

Ichigo narrows his eyes, deep brown taking in the dazed behaviour, the shaken exterior. "You're not driving."

"Aa, I thought you might say that." A lopsided grin slides onto her face, fleeting and fragile, as his nature is like second-hand clothes, and she wears them with pride, inhaling his familiar scent as she picks and drops them when she feels like it. "But you're not driving either, mister."

"Play nice." Yuzu serenely says, sensing the oncoming storm.

Her siblings smirk, all too aware of past events. Like spiders spinning webs, they twirl and dance, ever so daintily, in mock-teasing, around Yuzu, their pretty little fly dressed in sleek silver silk, swallowed up in currents of love.

.**x**

"Now, you take good care of my baby, won't you, Yuzu?" Karin strokes her car, patting it tenderly. She doesn't care much for her sister's answer; a simple nod is all she needs for confirmation.

Ichigo rolls his eyes, earning a punch from his younger sister. She would have kicked, much more discrete and to her preference, but alas, Yuzu would have found out either way, pouting in disproval.

So _childish._

What is she saying?

She would have laughed either way, ushering them into the car before patting them on the head as a mild punishment.

Looking back, she glances at the passengers in question. "So, where are we going?"

.**x**

The answer is caught in her throat, standing on the tip of her tongue, daring to be said.

_An adventure._

_Somewhere. Anywhere._

… _just not here._

But reality is a bitter thing and not a comfort for those who adore waltzing in a delusion and whimsical ideas. With difficulty, she chokes the words back, pushed down her throat and kicked out by her feet. Sighing, she closes her eyes, dark blue mirrors delving into memories best left forgotten, best left remembered.

Pressure on her temples; a smile that lazily curls like a cat stretching out, extending and retracting its claws, the answer is clear in her mind.

Blue eyes open and the irises sparkle, adjusting to the simple life that she comes from.

"To the convenience store, we're _getting_ that pocky."

.**x**

Vices.

Wonderful, wonderful things.

When the world crumbles, everything shattering into a chiasmus, vices help grapple the world, like catching a rock as a person slides down a mountain, hoping for a branch – something, _anything_ – to hold on to.

They soften the blow.

And they create a dream world, for those people who cling on to fantasy and impossibilities.

Drugs. Booze. Cigarettes.

Sex.

Vices. Addictions. Coping mechanisms.

Are they really wonderful when they take away people's sanity?

.**x**

"You're going to get fat."

"And who, Nii-san, asked for your opinion?"

.**x**

Boink.

_Boink._

"Hey!" The chorused reply makes Yuzu's lips curl as she makes her announcement. Laughter showers the air, refreshing the mood once more.

.**x**

"_Attention all passengers: no distracting the driver with petty arguments."_

.**x**

Karin glares, narrowing her eyes as she waits for the reassurance.

"… and I will look after this car with my very life."

Yuzu hastens to add this, earning a grateful smile. For the moment, Karin is satisfied as she snuggles into the passenger seat.

.**x**

… she is dismal with the knowledge that Yuzu is still a slow and cautious driver.

It is both a blessing and a curse to realize that she still hasn't changed.

.**x**

Be that as it may, it doesn't prevent a few snarky comments from being made.

Or a sibling smack fest.

.**x**

_living corpse  
_4 : label it love

.**x**

In all honesty, Kuchiki Rukia would like to move on. To find out what happens next, where her journey leads her, to travel the great beyond.

What's life after death if she is stuck in the realm of the living?

She's a ghost, pale as she exhales the breath of death, translucent as her fragile presence wavers from time to time. Dependant on faith, her ever-loyal spirit stays, remaining in Karakura, nothing more than a lucid reflection, tracing faded footsteps as she watches the outcome, unable to meddle.

So she stays, half-curious, half-anxious.

There are people waiting for her, like Hisana and Byakuya, but they are people amongst the dead, fallen leaves that have long since fluttered from the tree.

They can wait a little bit longer.

And so she watches, through a glass, darkly, her beloved boyfriend, noticing his red-rimmed eyes, his dark shadows, that slowly damages himself as he wastes away, trapped in the past and unable to let go, spiralling into self-destruction as he shuts himself down.

She worries. And so, she remains.

To be by his side, just a little bit longer.

.**x**

He cannot sense her, cannot feel her presence – the ghostly leftover – not the memory, cannot hear her.

And when she sits beside him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his temple…

… he doesn't know she's there.

.**x**

It annoys her, at times.

But, she can poke him into oblivion.

At least, until he moves and there isn't a mirror able to reflect her faded footsteps.

.**x**

Move on.

She can't.

Not before her boyfriend.

.**x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou has become very well acquainted with the ceiling and all forty-two cracks during the last month.

Sometimes, all he'd do is stare, before blinking himself into unconsciousness, his eyelids growing heavier by the second. And his fingertips would let go, the empty bottle sliding out of his grasp, hitting the floor with an echoing _clink!_ Or perhaps it would smash against other bottles left lying on the floor, abandoned as he disperses, lost in the memories of _her_.

Except someone else occupies his mind – fucking Kurosaki _Karin_, the girl who pushes dominoes with a flick of her finger, setting off a chain reaction of trouble and leaves despair in her wake.

So she's grown, so she tried to make a difference, but she's still the same in his tired eyes. Still the girl who chewed and popped bubblegum, inseparable with her soccer ball and her family, their bonds tightly-knit as before, bold and brash and never backing down from her statement. Still the girl who wears those hollow eyes behind that precious sparkle, beneath those finely curled eyelashes, dark with that glisten that never completely evaporates from her face. She's still too thin and too bony, below her well-chosen clothes, hidden as she swishes and sways her hips, trying to own her life. Breaking windows to gain control, shards of glass scrape her skin, she stands in the shadows, her expression indifferent as the wind breathes into her face and aligns her hair with leaves and flowers.

No, that was a girl—

A girl—

A _girl_ who was completely _different_ to the girl who stood her ground before him.

No soccer ball in her arm. No bubblegum in her mouth. No sneakers and sports kit, ever the tomboy.

Instead there was family, clothes that reflected her style and blue eyes that blazed a fiery inferno, bright like a star. Unrestrained, yet completely in control; when she walks, she rules the land that her feet crushes. At least, that's what her fluid body language seemed to imply, when she graced his house with her presence.

Tired, numb and barely maintaining consciousness, when he lets go of the bottle, never hearing the glass bottle smash into a thousand pieces, he dreams of her.

And her face blurs into someone else's.

.**x**

Somewhere along the way, when the rift started, he's forgotten that lonely girl who used to be a cry-baby.

Or so he claims, never mentioning it to anyone; it's not like it's anybody's business.

There are forty-three cracks in the ceiling.

In the end, there isn't any significance to it. It's a just a reminder that he's falling apart like the house he lives in.

.**x**

_Flashing lights, disco dancers, music screeching in his ears._

_Lips are millimetres away from him, mocking a kiss that hasn't been initiated._

_Alcohol courses through their bloodstream, and he hears her laughter purring in his ears._

.**x**

Eyelids flicker open, eyelids flicker shut.

There is no point dwelling on memories he can't completely remember.

It's such a pity that he follows his advice only for certain parts of his life and not the rest.

When he dreams, this time Hitsugaya Toushirou sees nothing, only darkness as black as Kuchiki Rukia's hair.

.**x**

Her hands, long and slender, pass through his arms, his snow-white hair, his face, seeking contact.

She knows that he cannot feel her, knows that every time she tries to reach for him, her attempt will be in vain, knows that he cannot communicate with her.

But…

_I love you,_ she whispers. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

And the tear that slides down her face, trickling onto his cheek-bone is never felt, even as a trail slowly dries like a river left to waste.

.**x**

"Okay! We've reached the convenience store. Now, aside from pocky sticks, does anybody want anything?" Yuzu drums her fingers on the driver's wheel, glancing at her two pouting passengers, one with a scowl, the other with a glower.

She knows that they're grinning really, laughing at their pettiness. Only, she hopes that their disputes weren't quite so… volatile.

"I need pocky…" Karin moans; her head colliding into Ichigo's shoulder, locks of black falling onto her face and past her ears. "Go, Yuzu, go!"

"Do as our younger sister says," Ichigo intones with a serious face, "lest you want to see the withdrawals take their untimely revenge."

"… mm. Just checking." The middle child grins, her smile prettily worn on her summer face as she nods, hands clasped together. Content, she steps out of the car, stretching as she drinks in the sunlight, spreading across her skin like wildfire. Smoothing out her crumpled dress, she gives them one last piece of advice. "It never hurts to make sure. So, Ichi-nii: make sure she doesn't escape."

"Got it." Ichigo lazily says, slinging his arm around the rebellious sister, his hold firm but gentle. With his other hand, he waves her away, wondering if Yuzu realized that she looks like a bed head, still drifting in the realms of sleep while being completely awake.

"Yes. Go." Karin mumbles, aware that Yuzu can hear her. "The knights in rusty armour needs pocky…"

"Pocky sticks coming right up!" Yuzu affirms, marching into the store, the doorbell musically singing as it closes shut.

.**x**

Silence.

"… she hasn't realized it yet, has she?"

"Nah. Didn't have the heart to tell her."

"Well, it's fun watching her reaction fizzle and pop like a firework."

"You always did like being a spectator, Karin."

"Well, it's better to have the bigger picture than rush in like an ignorant fool."

"So… how much?"

"Before she realizes? I'd say about… fifty yen that she realizes after she steps out of the store."

"Done."

.**x**

He can feel her lips curve against his shoulder.

"I love this family."

"And," Ichigo, feeling distinctly awkward, adds. "This family loves you."

"… if you were the old man, you know very well that I would hit you."

"If he says those words, I'm counting on it."

"Cheesiness." Karin snorts. "Gotta love it."

.**x**

Contact.

It feels alien.

It feels warm.

It feels like she finally belongs somewhere.

But Karin knows that feelings can only last for so long. Like under the influence of alcohol or mood swings and hormones, or when delicious fantasies seem to turn into reality, breaking forth the barrier of truth and lies, the clouded sky and muddy earth.

Emotions are like rain.

They bind the earth and the sky; they tether passion and _touch_, the wet liquid against dry skin, mimicking sentiments hidden under umbrellas. In the rain, it is impossible to discern whether someone is crying or is merely drenched in it. In that regard, the rain is a liar, like actors, like ripples, like photos, trapped in moments that seem so true on the surface but what the camera hides, what the rainwater covers, there is a masquerade, and all the dancers in the party, veiled by disguises, blur in the background and the true purpose is gone, devoured in dribs and drabs of multicoloured flashes and monotone sparkle.

Rain lasts forever. Rain lasts but a moment.

Rain evaporates into nothingness, extinguished by the transcending changing sun. It washes away what was never there.

All that's left is a rainbow, spilling prisms of multifaceted hues into the violet-red ground.

And one day it runs dry, like the cracks on her pretty porcelain skin, hollow like a china doll.

.**x**

"You look tired." Ichigo says, tapping his foot against the back of the seat.

"Haven't been sleeping well lately." Karin replies, tone curt and nonchalant.

"Well," The eldest sibling shifts in his seat, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Not until you tell me more." Stretching, the youngest sibling pushes away from him, hands circling as bones click into place, trying to reach the castle made of clouds that floats in a sea of blue, known as the sky. She yawns, locks of black hair tumbling past her shoulders. With her feet, she back-pedals herself to the other side of the car, easily finding her comfort zone before the interrogation begins, cocking her head to the side, dark blue eyes narrowed.

"I knew it." Ichigo grumbles, disgruntled as the calm illusion is shattered; she wants answers and he has to give it to her.

"Care to explain, Captain Strawberry?" She hisses, her voice like honeyed poison, dripping with sugared sweetness and killer intent. "I did exactly want I _didn't_ want to do! I charged in… and acted like a complete idiot."

He shrugs, gazing into the sky. "What can I say; you've been gone a long time."

.**x**

Urge to kill… rising… _rising…_

Oh screw it.

Kick him anyway.

.**x**

"Ow! Geez… fine, fine, what do you want to know?" Ichigo scowls, his trademark feature graciously in place.

"Rukia. Why was she, of all people, in _there_?" Folding her arms, she quizzically enquires. "I know Rukia. Heck, _you_ know Rukia. So, why exactly was she there in the first place?"

"Well, standard ghost rule: they don't move on if there's something holding them back."

"Pfft. I know that." Karin gives him a pointed glance. "Still: _why_ was she with _him_, of all people?"

"She was Toushirou's girlfriend." His voice slowly speaks, as he watches her every reaction.

"Ah." Squirming is inevitable.

"They lived together for about six months."

"Go on…"

"She died about a month ago."

"… I'm in deep shit, aren't I?" She closes her eyes, the tips of her fingers pressed gently on her temple, for she could sense a migraine coming. "And he fucking hates me as well."

"I'd say the feeling is mutual."

"What?" Surprise flitters over her face, blue irises widening and Ichigo remembers how young she is. "I… I don't _hate_ him. I… just… don't _like_ him that much." She huffs, feeling her cheeks flush, hot red blossoming like unfurling roses. "Stupid dragon-boy _always_ throws a wrench into my plans. I was gonna apologize as well. But," she grimaces, chest rising up and down, "you know how well that went."

"You get points for trying. It counts for something."

"But still, Rukia…" Her eyes soften, the hard shield crumbling into a million pieces as the emotion builds up in her eyelashes, brimming into glimmering diamonds and pouring down cracked china glass.

.**x**

_Yeah._

_I'm in deep shit._

_And I…_

_I gotta get out of here._

.**x**

She was Rukia. Forever a friend and forever a memory, and in photos she shone with all her bright smiles, her teases and amicable banters with Ichigo, Karin and Yuzu apropos nothing but sheer amusement.

And now all she'll ever be is a recollection, kept within the black box that gathers dust, compiled neatly in bunny doodles and white tombstones.

.**x**

"Hey, c'mere." Ichigo murmurs in a low voice, brotherly instincts taking control.

And so he takes her into his arms, stroking her hair, waiting for her to calm down as she sizzles in her internal monologue.

If they've got nothing else, they have love.

.**x**

Dry those tears.

In the end, you're the girl that always says goodbye.

And with a crooked grin and fading embers, you leave everything behind.

.**x**

"Yuzu's been gone for quite some time."

"She'll come back soon."

Laughter slips past her lips, but it's bitter, haunted and mocking that makes the hair at the back of Ichigo's neck prickle.

"Of course she will."

Despite being twins, Yuzu is not Karin.

.**x**

"So," Ichigo inspects her face before asking the dreaded question. "What now?"

Karin gives him a good look, shrugs her shoulders, languidly relaxing, a twisted grin falling from her lip.

"What else? I'm going to pay Kuchiki Rukia my respects."

.**x**


	5. things you hide

Fingers twist on the curled cord, tangled up in plastic and cold on her skin.

Really, she should buy a new and _modern_ home phone, like Ichigo says, but there's a certain comfort that's attached to the old design, despite limiting the distance that she can walk. Besides, it gives her something to do while she chats with her friends, absentmindedly doing something while the television switches on and she rests her legs on another chair as she patiently waits for the coffeemaker to work.

It may be old-fashioned, but it's homely – and that's what she wants.

After all, she is expecting someone special to be joining them soon.

.**x**

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

"Aw, pick up already."

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

"Really, you shouldn't shut yourself out. All grief and no play makes Shirou-chan a very—"

"… _hello?"_

"Yay, you picked up the phone!" She claps twice just to reinforce her point, quick and jumpy like a child overjoyed at getting the answer right. Maybe it's the hormones. When all else fails, blame the hormones.

"_Oh, it's just you, Bed wetter Momo."_

No matter what, he can wipe the smile off her face with that grumbling voice of his.

"… I resent that."

Pouting is inevitable.

.**x**

It's… _nice_.

This warm and comfortable feeling that has slipped through their conversation – the bubbly teasing, the sardonic grumbling, but then, such was their talk. She had given him a nickname, he'd use her most humiliating secret against her, she'd ruffle his hair and he'd trip her up, tugging her pigtails on the way. And then they'd hug, because they were like siblings, and 'fights' like that were not uncommon to end with hugs, because she was the girly-girl and he was the standoffish boy and would allow some of his emotion to seep through that hug, understood telepathically. At least, that's what Shirou-chan's grandmother would always say, a slight twinkle in her eye.

But they weren't like that. They weren't made for each other in this life. In another life, perhaps, fate would be kind and allow Cupid to pierce their hearts with a single blow of his arrow, causing them to fall irrevocably in love.

Not this one, however. After all, she has Ichigo and he… well… he has friends, friends who care and try to look out for him.

And besides, if they _were_ meant to be together, then surely, that one watermelon kiss would have meant so much more.

.**x**

He sighs.

"_Of course you do."_

"Mou… enough already. You sound tired. Were you just sleeping? Did I wake you up?" Question quickly rise, spilling from her mouth like a waterfall, unable to stop as the current pours down the rocks and cliff, splashing as materials collide and shatter apart. Eyes wide and mouth unable to close, she interrogates him without getting an answer, her hand curling and uncurling the coils of the phone cord.

"_Are you done?"_

"Oh. Um… yes?" She blinks, glancing at the television screen and decides that it's not worth it – conversation with Shirou-chan is _far_ more interesting than the news.

"_I wasn't sleeping."_

"Says the man who sounds like an absolute grouch monster." Eyebrows furrow, her voice disbelieving and incredulous. She leans forward, pressing her ear closer to the phone, if only to cling to the memory of the boy who once wasn't made of icy glass, who wasn't stuck in a wilderness that has frozen his heart.

.**x**

What happened to the boy that actually _wore_ a smile on his face and who was the childish midget that both got them into trouble and had a good time, actually happy in life?

He died, along with his sweetheart in that crash, six months ago.

But she hopes, always believing in the best of others, that her childhood friend can be found once more. Currently, he's just sleeping, comatose maybe, and will be woken up by a kiss, like the fairytales say, with a happily-ever-after not far behind.

After all, everybody deserves a chance at happiness. And just because he loves too much, too fiercely and too wholeheartedly, it doesn't mean that he can live the rest of his life like a zombie, devoid of love and life.

No matter what happens, there's always hope, and Hinamori Momo will never stop believing in the people she loves.

.**x**

"_So, what do you want?"_ Shirou-chan finally asks, breaking away from their standard routine.

"The question is: what's happened to you?"

"…"

"Don't give me the silence treatment, mister – don't hang up either!" Arching her eyebrow and pointing her entangled finger really doesn't help since they're far apart, but it helps her feel like she's reinforced her point – despite the fact that he can see none of this. "Seriously. You haven't been picking up my calls lately and… besides, you only really pick up the phone if there's something you need to talk about. Try and escape this one."

"… _it's a long story."_

She beams, glad for the slight improvement of his grouchy behaviour.

For a second, Momo wonders if he can sense her smile on the other side of the line.

.**x**

She is his best friend. She is his soul-mate. She is his box of chocolates and his umbrella on a rainy day.

She is the person who makes sure that he'll be okay, after everything has been said and done.

She is everything and anything but not his lover.

And she's his first kiss, and nothing can ever take that away.

.**x**

Of course he can, he knows her as well as she knows him.

And so, she thinks, that the words she's about to say is already known in his mind.

"Well, don't worry, I've got time."

.**x**

_living corpse  
_5 : things you hide

.**x**

Step. Stagger. Lurch.

And _giggle_.

Laugh like you've never known before because you're too proud to let go of a world that can only be visited in memories and dreams, daydreams and nightmares.

Push those blurry hands off the floor.

Stand up and look tall, because you don't belong anywhere.

.**x**

… just try not to vomit in the graveyard. Again.

While talking to the dead is one thing, disrespecting the dead is another.

Especially since a hoard of them prefer to angst in the shadow of their former selves.

.**x**

"Kami-sama! Will you _shut up_ already?"

In the swirl of drunkenness and loss of control to gain her bearings, the voices that she hears but cannot see – _stupid ghosts_ – it is the invisible and the unknown that guide her in this wilderness.

_Well, __**excuse me**__! I'm not the drunk one here._ One shrill voice speaks.

"Yeah, because the dead can drink themselves into oblivion when they feel like shit." She snaps back, a sharp pain to the head.

She doesn't need to take this kind of crap.

… but she _does_ need to find Rukia's grave.

_Well, at least we're not the ones destroying our liver._ A more placid voice replies, kinder and gentle, different than before. _Can we help you?_

"I'm looking for a grave."

_Yeah. Aren't we all?_ Voice number one – the shrill speaker spits outs. _Gin-san still can't find his._

"Fascinating story, I'm sure." Her mouth is either smiling painfully or twitching to keep her mouth shut, failing spectacularly. "Tell it to me when I give a damn."

_Quiet. _Voice number two – the negotiator firmly says. Perhaps he's speaking to both of them, two bitches in different forms. _Go on…_

"Kuchiki Rukia's. It's somewhere near… the details are lost on me."

Crap.

Her head really hurts. And the world will not stop spinning.

_Oh, I know her grave._ Voice number three – chirpy and annoying, but obvious bubbling with good intent, decides to speak up. _It's that way._

.**x**

Must not destroy gravestones. Repeat. Must not destroy gravestones.

Incidentally, that smile – or that vein, actually – should stop twitching.

It's scaring the ghosts, or amusing them, and irritating the hell out of you.

.**x**

"Okay." Her hands are moving uncontrollably, most likely trying to strangle that ghost-child; and her mouth is blending into a smile and a frown. "I can't _see_ you. And I'm not getting my mirror out. So don't say 'it's that way' and point – or wave – whichever you prefer – because _I – can't – see – you._"

At this point, she's jabbing the air, and gouging the eyes of voice number one, just for emphasis. Or so she hopes.

_Oh. Right. Um… well, it's the one up that hill and on the first row. You can read and figure the rest out._

"Uh-huh." And a smile spreads onto her face, easily transient when drunk. "Well thank you very much. Tell me your story some time."

_Mind that—_

"Dammit!" She pouts before disentangling herself from the very comfortable or is the word _un_comfortable tombstone.

—_grave… _

.**x**

_So, what do you think?_

_I think we've got ourselves a prize idiot. Going to visit someone drunk, the nerve…_

_You don't think that's a bit more dignified than your teddy bear related death?_

… _shut up. _

_I thought so. I'm going to get Rukia._

.**x**

"You really think she's okay?" Yuzu asks, fingers drumming on the driving wheel.

"I… I'm not sure." Ichigo replies, not moving from the car seat. "Karin, yeah, she acts strong, likes to put up a big front and act like everything is fine. At first, that's how it seems. She brushes it off, shrugs, and smiles."

"But then, she's always had that kind of smile, when…" Yuzu murmurs, submerged in memories that consist of her sister and the events that happen afterwards; she recalls the blank expression of her sister, and the seemingly cold and uncaring aura, like static that crackles after the storm when everything else has been burnt and disintegrated into the ground and the promise of a clean slate lingers in the air as she smirks and walks in a direction where only she knows.

"Just before…" Like chasing ghosts, Ichigo too recalls those bittersweet memories. "And then suddenly, from out of the blue, she returns. Like everything's wonderful in her life. And then she snaps, and it's as if that episode of her life is over. But… it's odd. Normally, she doesn't listen to a simple request. Normally, she doesn't answer the phone."

"So, what do you think happened?" Yuzu leans back, musing in her inquisitive mind.

He shrugs, acting indifferent but focusing on his youngest sister. "I don't know."

It's like hide and seek, the unsolved jigsaw puzzle that misses a piece, or several. The clues are there, but oddly distorted to suit the point of view needed, as if the jigsaw pieces are like mannequins instead and the clothes that have been cast upon them are just lies. But no one is willing to look at the bare naked plastic truth, and so the clothes remain.

For now.

"Well, at least she hasn't said _those words_ yet. That means something, right?" Yuzu asks, always one to search for the light in the darkness.

That smile. Those words. The little things she leaves behinds before the night swallows her whole.

"Yeah… I guess it does." Ichigo looks at Yuzu and grins, his lips curled in a half-snicker, half-frown. "Now, I bet you want to go home and…"

"… not look like a sleepy head?" Heat rises to her cheeks as the memory of the surprised till boy and his slow reaction to her. The things she does for family. She tilts her head as she inspects her older brother's face. "How much did you pay and what was the bet?"

A laugh. "You know us too well. Fifty yen. That you wouldn't notice your 'state' until after you left the store."

Her cheeks have turned to scarlet, her mouth ajar. "Ne, I'm not _that_ much of a ditz! I knew… before! While I was driving the car."

She's a terrible liar, and they both know it.

"Of course, Yuzu."

.**x**

"So, um. What do we do now?" Yuzu asks as she directs the car to the old Kurosaki residence.

"Besides ignoring the fire?" Ichigo's gaze flickers to the smoke that still lingers. "… I'd say we should wait. And I'll collect her later."

"Okay." Yuzu hugs her big brother, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too, squirt." Ichigo shifts into the driver's seat. "Now get, before the old man actually destroys something in our house."

.**x**

The mirror is cracked and crooked as it rests on the wrong grave. Then again, it doesn't actually need the _right_ grave for the 'talk' to take place, but Karin has lived a good deal of her life with Yuzu that Yuzu's habit of 'everything needs its place' has become her own habit, if a tad more lazy than the extremities that Yuzu has. Besides, talking to Kaa-chan and Rukia are two different things, especially if one has moved on and the other hasn't.

She was standing up on her own two feet a minute ago, and as easily as her head drops, so do her legs, buckling under the pressure, knobbly knees scraping against the hard tarmac and faded jeans.

And the sky, though darkening, scatters away all her hopes and dreams into nothing but mortuary stars and shades of red, twinkling brightly against the burgundy blue.

Though Kurosaki Karin is not near the sea, the smell of sea salt and the bittersweet flavour of sadness and myrrh can be tasted on her lips.

Patience is slowly wearing thin, and just as she is about to open her mouth, someone else beats her to it.

_You fool. What are you doing?_

Karin turns to the sound of the voice, her blue eyes a mixture of amusement and despair and the corners of her lips slightly upturned.

"You're the fool, Rukia. What took so long?"

And as the tension dissipates, her grin spreads, and she laughs, shoulders rising and falling, because there's nothing else she can do. And for that moment, Rukia joins her.

Because that's what crazy people who know the Kurosakis do.

.**x**

The silence that follows last only for a second, breaking like glass when Karin speaks, still in a sluggish stupor, standing up and only just regaining her balance, still dancing on the edge, daring to fall over again.

"What happened? To all those goals that you decided so long ago, to the days when you were gonna take over the world?" Arms spread wide, she flails, asking the questions that have been bottling up within her, staggering to the left. "What happened to your crush on Ichigo? What happened to that promise we made in high school? The one where—"

Voice choked, she cannot continue. It hurts too much to talk.

Rukia looks down, at the girl who she shared high school with, at the girl who's barely restraining her tears, at the girl who's guilty at what she's done.

_I'm sorry._ Her voice is a little more than a whisper.

"Don't be, if anything I – _I _should be the sorry one." Karin stumbles forward, passing through Rukia's arm, catching a glance at her through the cracked mirror. "If it helps, you look pretty good for a dead person."

_But of course, I am a Kuchiki! We __**always**__ 'look good', dead or alive._ Haughty, she cannot resist theatrics, posing while she speaks.

Karin laughs, thick black tresses sliding into her eyes. "Damn straight. You haven't changed a bit." She falls back, landing on the ground, a silly grin adorned on her face. "That's good to know, at least."

_But still I—_

"I know." Wistfulness seeps into her blue eyes, and Karin doesn't need the mirror to know the general direction of where the ghost stands, the murmured reflection knowledge enough. Dismayed, she slowly sobers. "You stayed. Why?"

… _I love him._

"… why?" Again, Kurosaki Karin asks, unable to comprehend that simple fact. "Why _Hitsugaya Toushirou_, of all people?" Anger flushes onto her cheeks, blotchy against her pale complexion. "That stupid, stuck up _jerk_!"

Her hand hurts, but if it's bleeding, then it doesn't particularly matter and she's too drunk to care.

_Karin…_ Rukia reaches out, flinching as Karin swipes her arms, clumsily backing away as her back makes contact with another grave. _Listen…_

"No! I won't! I don't want to!" Tears are falling from her eyes, and she lets them. She's not afraid to cry, but she won't let the blurred vision get in her way. She doesn't care if she makes a ruckus, so long as she's heard. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_!"

_I know… I know, Karin._ Sighing, Rukia places herself next to the sobbing girl.

"And you know what the worst part is: that no matter how many times I say it, you still won't come back to life. And it's… it's all my fault." Her arms are around her knees, and there's nothing more than the feeling of acting like a spoilt child, self-loathing, and the desire to curl up into a small ball.

_What's done is done. You can't undo the past._ She tries to wipe away the tears off the younger girl's face, even though she knows that it's futile. _Besides, I forgive you. _

_I just want you to smile again._

"… but you still won't move on." Legs uncurling, and stretching, it's a sad truth. Refusing to look up, she glances at the mirror on the ground, noticing the ghost girl beside her with anxious eyes. She tries to lean on her, aiming for her shoulder, and meeting the cold surface of the floor instead. "I suppose this is what I get for spilling my soul out to a ghost."

And Rukia chuckles, eyebrows lifted in amusement and exasperation. _You really are a fool._

"I'll listen, this time. I'll be quiet. I'll be good." Eyes fluttering shut, Karin succumbs to the drowsy feeling, vulnerable like a helpless child.

_Someone needs to take care of him… and I'm not that person. Not anymore._

"I'll look after him, for you." She whispers, voice growing faint, as her consciousness drifts. "I owe you that much."

There are tears glimmering on Kuchiki Rukia's eyelashes, and the only thing she can do is stroke Karin's dark hair, black with grief.

.**x**

_No. You don't owe me a thing._

.**x**

Ichigo stumbles across the dead body, snoring away as he calls his pregnant girlfriend and Hitsugaya.

"She fell asleep. Classy." He notes, scratching his head, as the other two approach them.

"I guess that means she's skipping dinner." Momo replies. "Oh well."

"Remind me why I'm doing this?" The snow-white-haired man asks, bored and slightly unsettled. It's not everyday that he finds someone sleeping beside the grave of his girlfriend.

"Because, she's my sister, and she hasn't got a place to stay. That's where we come in. You're supposed to be having dinner with us, and to make sure that you're not a freeloader, you're the one who's going to carry this special deadweight to the car."

"Okay! On three, you pick her up." Momo cheers. "Three!"

Karin's head lolls onto his chest as Hitsugaya's arms adjust around her, finding a steady grip. There is a frown on his face, though he does not complain.

"Mission accomplished. Now, let's go eat!"

.**x**

The car journey would have been alright, if Karin, blissfully unconscious, hadn't drooled on Toushirou's shoulder.

.**x**


	6. beautiful new day

_Bang. Bang._

_Stop. Blink. Breathe._

_And scream._

**.x**

_Walk forward -- you're moving backwards. The scenery is reversing, almost as if time is turning back._

_The faces blur -- the lights change colour -- the alcohol glasses chink against each other -- and you remember._

_This was back in the day when you had a good time._

**.x**

_But your head's still a little fuzzy, like you've had one too many. It doesn't matter, it never does. Never… ever…_

_All that counts is that you're living in the moment._

_Drumming. Drumming. Drumming. When did you start drumming your fingers on the wheel?_

_And then suddenly you see a familiar face before a sickening -- _

**.x**

She gasps, opening her eyes as flutters awake to consciousness, light peeking through her long black strands of hair, mussed up and fuzzy like bumblebees in awkward flight.

Sighing, her eyelids close, covering blue eyes, and her head drops back into the pillow. It's a very comfy pillow, compared to the graveyard's hard cold tarmac ground… which has turned into something nice and soft.

Hang on.

… where is she?

**.x**

Take a deep breath. Make it two.

And when you open your eyes, do not scream bloody murder.

Take everything in… and then slowly fizzle, like a slow kettle that is ready to explode into bubbles of metal.

On three.

Two.

One.

**.x**

"Oh, _kami_. You _stalked_ me."

Aren't mirrors just perfect windows of opportunity?

_Call it curiosity, fool._ The midget ghost girl folds her arms and upturns her nose, swinging her legs through the cupboard that she sat on top of. _I was curious as where your captors wanted to take you, and then make a ransom note to your loved ones. Like proper pirates in novels._

"Go on, humour me, you daft girl. Where am I?" Wriggling around and testing her shoulders, knees and toes, Karin pushes herself up, from the comfortable and warm duvet. Gazing around, she notes the window (a possible escape route) and the half-closed door. If she squints, she can see a speck of white just in front of the sofa.

_Ichigo and Hinamori's residence._ Rukia informs her, fixing a steely glare. _Which you would have known had you come to the house-warming party._

Predictably, Karin's head flops back onto the pillow. "Oh, jeez, not _this_ again."

Her head is killing her. Stupid hangovers.

What's worse is that she remembers everything she said yesterday. She wasn't _that_ drunk to completely obviate her memory.

Still, on a good note, at least Ichigo's looking out for her.

_Again? I didn't even __**start**__._

"That's right. Best thing to say to drunken idiots: truthful things that don't really mean a lot. Small comforts that sooth the soul because it's what they want to hear."

**.x**

Yawning is good; Karin makes a mental note as she does so, to remind her self in the future.

Stretching is also good – tests those limbs just a bit as she circles her wrists, fingers spread out and going up and down like a mad pianist.

That was a pretty good nap.

And now back to the main issue.

**.x**

_Finished?_

"So kind of you wait for my inner monologue."

Rukia arches her eyebrow, tempted to say that she was actually waiting for her to finish stretching, but declines. Exhaling, she composes herself, leaning forward.

… _okay. Are you ready, now?_

"Mm." She's pushing it, Karin knows this very well, but she likes to walk a dangerous path. "I'd rather take a shower first."

_Foolish procrastinator._

"Yes. Yes, I am. And with that, my morning is complete."

_Too bad you don't have any spare clothes._

"… damn it. You've foiled my evil plan." Snapping her fingers and grimacing in good nature, the younger girl finds the willpower to leave the bed, her feet touching the ground.

**.x**

"_But Matsu-chan, we can't, not here…"_

--flip--

"_Today there will be sunshine…"_

--flip--

"_Ichiban! Ichiban lipstick for men! Ichiban lipstick for men… saiko."_

"Wow. Aside from the fact that the guy can _jump_… he's got really blue lips." A voice comments behind him.

Alarmed, Hitsugaya Toushirou switches off the television, tensing.

Sleeping beauty has finally woken up.

Guess she didn't need a kiss like Kurosaki Ichigo said. Jokingly, of course, before the slight threat was made that could only be understood through _subtle_ man-talk. And man-talk is _always_ subtle.

**.x**

"So… were you trying to look nice for a man, or did I catch you at a bad time?"

The sleepy raven haired girl yawned once more, bumping into the sofa, offering a half-hearted grin to the white-haired boy, not expecting a return smile. And she's right, for he only frowned, in retaliation; she only curbs her smug feeling and joins him in the silent solitude, her intuition warning her that it's best not to go there.

But she breaks the silence as easily as breathing; it's like second nature to her.

"Where's Nii-san and Momo?"

Even if she breaks it, she can't dissipate the awkwardness between them. That needs a little more work.

"At the hospital." Looking away, he turns the television back on, surfing through the channels.

"Everything okay?" It's only natural to ask, and besides, her tone is light and carefree as she sits on the arm of the sofa.

"… nothing out of the ordinary. Kurosaki has his job to do, and Momo… well, it's a standard hospital check up." He shrugs, unaware that Karin doesn't know about Momo's current situation.

"Excuse me?" She narrows her eyes; blue outlined by black, and is suddenly much closer to his face. "What _check up?_ Is she dying? Got cancer, or another terminal disease?" Her eyes dart about, as the possibilities come to mind, her mouth parting. "Oh no! Nii-san must be… _kami-sama_… poor Ichi-nii…"

"Um… Momo's pregnant." Slowly, he inches away, as he notices the similarities between Yuzu and Karin. They're more alike than he originally thought. "Has been for quite some time."

The colour drains out of the youngest Kurosaki's face as the cogs turn.

**.x**

"You… didn't know?" The stunned expression on his face is adorable, almost comically so.

**.x**

_Not… dying…_

_Pregnant…_

_Pregnant?_

_**Pregnant**!_

_Which means…_

**.x**

And in that moment, as it clicks, the smile that spreads across her face is beautiful.

"I'm an _aunt!_ Fuck, that makes me sound so old!"

Impulsively, her arms throw themselves around his neck and she leaps from her original position, crash landing like trains derailing into impending death as they topple over the sofa and onto the floor, messily sprawled out close together. She just can't stop grinning or wincing because the volume that she's producing is hurting her ears.

"I'm an _aunt! Yay!_"

… the similarities are now disturbing Hitsugaya to the degree that he wants to run away and shout his lungs out.

"Hey… get off… _oi!"_ There is too much contact. And he watches her in frozen fascination as her realization slowly forces her to come to terms with real life, and more importantly… their position.

Instant back pedalling commences clumsily, red-faced and looking anywhere, _anywhere_ but him, is immediately put in action. Though the end result is both of them embarrassed with the revelation, they are no longer touching and are far away from each other, which is what they both want.

Karin coughs, cursing her moment of weakness and joy. The fact that it was _Hitsugaya Toushirou_ of all people aggravates her even further.

"So… breakfast?"

**.x**

He nods. Once, twice, perhaps a little too vigorously for his own good.

"Breakfast sounds good." His voice sounds a little gruff.

Karin arches her eyebrow. "Well. I think… you should hop to it, dragon boy."

"Dragons don't hop, they fly."

"Then _fly_ to it, breath some fire and fucking make something for me. Or are you not hungry?" Sardonic, she deadpans, annoyed that he'd be so geeky to actually correct her on the proper behaviour of fictional creatures of mythology.

"And yourself?" Resigned to his fate, he asks her, boring into her eyes.

"I… will be… I will be…" She swallows, feeling the hangover kick in, pushing upwards. "… _vomiting_…"

**.x**

There are two thoughts in the mind of Kurosaki Karin at this precise moment.

The first is: _Fuck._

The other is: _I'm going to kick Ichigo's butt for not telling me this sooner._

**.x**

Being the kind, though not talkative man that Hitsugaya Toushirou is, gentlemanlike through his frosty exterior, after the whole debacle of the disgusting morning after, aiding her by pulling back her hair, allows her to rest her head on the breakfast table, mumbling curses best left unheard as he, alone, prepares breakfast.

"Here." He hands her coffee, carefully observing her and making sure that no contact is made.

"… thanks." Grudgingly, she accepts, lifting her head up and smoothing out her hair before drinking.

Though they are not on the best of terms, they can be civil to each other, even though the events that happened yesterday unhelpfully made things a tad more difficult.

"Mm. This is good!" She admits, praising him, as her smile blinds him. "You make very good coffee."

Hitsugaya suddenly looks sheepish, clearly unused to it, though she pretends not to notice under her happy go lucky pretence.

"Anyways," Karin offers a grin, after setting the coffee down and wiping her face. "I have a deal for you."

**.x**

_living corpse  
_6 : beautiful new day

**.x**

_What?_

First, he restrains the urge to simply stare and open his mouth.

Second, he remembers to breathe and _not_ simply guffaw in disbelief. It's crucial not to break the peace that is temporarily established between them. For Momo, if nothing else.

Third, he speaks, sitting opposite her, maintaining eyelevel.

"A deal?"

**.x**

"If it helps, you look like shit."

Karin Kurosaki is blunt when she wants to be. Sometimes subtlety works, other times it doesn't. This time, she has decided that direct course of action is the best way to go.

"You're not looking so good either." Hitsugaya retorts, bristling and slowly slipping into a more childish demeanour.

"Hangover, babe. Give me time and I'll be the prettiest princess out of the whole knights in armour thing." She shrugs, watching the endearment affect his composure slightly out of the corner of her eye. "So, interested?"

"I haven't heard it yet." He was always keen to stick to structure.

She laughs, half-amused at him, half-annoyed that he's still a stick in the mud. "Right… right… okay, here it is: I'm going to go to a lot of places, sight-see and whatever… anyways, I'd like you to come with me."

And his face goes blank. Light blue eyes mull over the option, carefully, cautiously, weighing the pros and cons heavily.

Then he sighs, asking her simply. "Have you thought this through?"

**.x**

Minus five points for treating her as a child.

Plus ten points for giving her nice coffee.

Minus twenty points for essentially thinking her an idiot.

Overall, the points that lie between herself and him as a general bonding time session is minus four hundred and thirty-six.

They have a long way to go.

**.x**

… she has _got_ to work on that smile that shows when she's mad but faking happiness. The vein is unavoidable.

No doubt it's scaring him.

And clamping her teeth around her lips is becoming very painful.

**.x**

"_Yes._ I have." She says a little forced, almost through gritted teeth, though she releases the pressure and soothes it with a nice cup of caffeine. Karin takes another sip for good measure, processing the fact that she has to be civil. For Ichigo.

Even though she strongly dislikes the fucking frozen dragon boy, she's only doing it for Rukia. _Someone has to take care of him_. And the night before, she had offered. Besides, she doesn't break her promises.

Not even if they broke her.

**.x**

… stop.

Rewind.

Fast forward.

Don't think about the past.

Not yet.

Just keep in mind the vow that has been made.

**.x**

"Look, I know… we're not the best of friends. Hell, we both make fools of ourselves, if you don't count yesterday…" Karin squirms, still uncomfortable with that event. "But, I wanted to say…" She swallows and musters the courage to follow through with it. "… sorry."

He blinks, letting this slowly become processed. It's never happened before. "You've matured."

Instantly her eyes narrow and she pouts. "I _did_ say that I changed, did I not?"

"… yeah. You also said…" His mouth curves into a ghost of a smile, slightly tipping upwards. "That you were a little messed up."

She shrugs at that, unfazed. "Well, I'm not a perfect being. I've got my faults, just as you've got yours. That makes us human." Absentmindedly, her fingers lace around a rebellious curl, toying with it before tucking it behind her ear. "But… I think you need a break. From thinking, reflecting, maybe, or… whatever the hell you did." She leans forward, with only good intentions in mind, her voice soft and gentle. "And maybe, now, after everything that's happened, you need to get away. Live a little."

The coffee is warm and it tastes so damn good.

Relaxing, she slouches, making herself comfortable, digging into the breakfast that he has made.

"Take as much time as you want to think about it… but while you do that, take a shower. You smell." And the grin comes easily to her lips.

**.x**

_Live a little._

_Stop thinking, reflecting about the past._

You can't live like this forever.

Not if you want to be happy.

She… would have wanted to see you happy.

_Rukia._

**.x**

The mirror is foggy and steam is everywhere.

But he's made his decision.

**.x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou comes to her later, dressed in the same clothes as opposed to being naked and barely wearing a towel, as she places the pen down, folding a sheet of paper with a doodle accompanied on top of it.

He notes her watching him with a guarded front, curious to his answer. She must have found new clothes and cleaned up, wide awake and not in her sleeping gear, for she wears something different to what she was wearing before. It's… nice.

"So?" Her voice is slick and smooth and calm, piqued with interest.

"I…" His throat chokes, but that's alright, and he wants her to hear these words. "I want to go with you."

"Okay." She nods, offering him a grin, and a hand. "Then we have a deal?"

"We have a deal." He acquiesces, still unsure, but tired of living in such a zombie like manner.

And their handshake is short and sweet.

**.x**

But he never notices her smile, frayed softly around the edges and cracking in between. Soon it will shatter.

_That_ smile.

**.x**

They weren't always like this.

They used to be friends, practising on the same team, and argue about height and things that don't mean anything.

They used to be adolescents who danced at parties and knew how to have a good time.

They used to be teenagers who were caught up in love triangles and fits of passion, the good and the bad.

They used to be strangers who decided not to talk to each other.

They used to be so many things.

And now she's trying to break the pattern, because life's not fixed, it's a constant flux of unpredictable shit.

Reaching out is the best thing she can do.

Maybe that will make a difference. Maybe not.

Only time can say, though only the actions that made consequences can make it possible.

**.x**

"Okay, pack your bags, and we'll get going." She claps her hands, the quick action making her flinch away from him.

"Just like that?" Surprised, he raises an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah." Karin shrugs, looking round. "What's stopping ya? Let's go, already." She takes his hand, leading him towards the door.

"But—" He stops, jerking his hand back. "—stop."

"_What?"_ She whirls back, an indecipherable emotion flashing within her eyes. Impatience. "I've left a letter, told them that I'm taking you somewhere far, far away, and if you've got anything to do, do it now, because we are getting out of here!"

He is quiet for a second, staring at her, mute and still. Karin closes her eyes and breathes, reopening them in order to keep her temper in check.

"… why are you doing this?" He finally asks.

**.x**

There are so many ways to answer that question and out of the corner of her eye, she sees Rukia's reflection. Her gaze burns into her façade.

_Because I promised Rukia._

_Because people are selfish._

_Because you want an escape._

Time. Place. Coincidence. These are various factors that contribute to the answer.

**.x**

But she only says this, her eyes faraway as she meets his lighter blue ones.

"Because we used to be friends, and I'd like to see you enjoy life instead of wallow in misery. Nobody deserves that."

And it's the truth; one of many.

He accepts the reason with a slight tilt to the head. "Okay."

"_Now_ can we go?" Exasperated, she walks towards the door.

He rolls his eyes, eventually following her.

Maybe… maybe the journey won't be so bad.

**.x**

Or maybe it will… because Karin likes to sing to the radio.

And she cannot sing. At all.

**.x**

Rukia only grins through the car's mirror screen, much to Karin's annoyance.

_Thank you, Karin._ She whispers.

Karin only sings louder.

**.x**

When Hitsugaya Toushirou looks up, it's the first time that he's noticed that the sun spreads across a blue sky.

It's clear and cloudless, holding no regrets.

**.x**


	7. alter our lives

It's late at night when Ichigo returns, slightly scowling as he closes the front door. Ruffling the back of his head, he walks forward, like a weary traveller.

"_Tadaima_."

Momo peeks from the door, her eyes and ruffled hair the only thing visible.

"_Okaeri."_

But, even so, he can feel her grin, like warmth from a candlestick, melting the wax ever so slowly that a pretty pattern is carved.

"How was your day?" Violet eyes blink, wide with curiosity.

"Good, the usual, I guess. Can't complain – not when I've got a gorgeous girlfriend with child." He offers her a smile, touching the corners of his lips, mirrored in the sparkle of his brown eyes.

"Aw, that's so sweet." She smiles, long lashes mingling with mischievousness. Closing the distance between them, through shuffled footsteps – _Ichigo's orders_ – she presses her lips together, suddenly shy and red faced. "Ah… unfortunately, two very special people have mysteriously disappeared."

"Huh," her boyfriend decides to guess haphazardly, knowing that he's wrong instantly. "… it wouldn't be Yuzu and Yamada, would it?"

"Negative, commander." Momo shakes her head, her cheeks catching heat quickly. "Tis the other sister who lives yonder, over the hills and mountain snow, a flower weeps as it sheds its petals."

"Ah. The wonder that literature that makes you say something akin to poetry." He arches his eyebrow, eliciting a soft chuckle. "And the other?"

"Hmm. This one is a bit harder…" She frowns, instinctively chewing her lip and placing a hand on her slight bulge. "Ah hah, I've got it!" Her smile widens as she meets his eyes, sparkling as the words were tasted on her lips. "The lone lizard that crawls, across cracks of ice and bloodied wings, reluctantly wishes to fly again."

"Inspiration from Aizen Sousuke?" A grin slides onto his face, as the memories quickly pass him by.

"But of course! His poetry is the best. And, it's how I met you." Her fingers toyed with the letter behind her back. "I wouldn't have loved him half as much if you didn't join me that day… and begin our long and epic dance of forbidden love, until we could no longer deny those feelings."

"Yes. Very epic, that course of true love." He nods, remembering the first time that they met was when he was twelve and she was seven; and that his girlfriend was, and still is, overdramatic. "In any case, are you going to show me what you're hiding, you hopeless romantic?"

She sighs, winking flirtatiously at him. "How did you know?"

"… I have my ways." He replies, gaining a haughty look. He isn't about to tell her that during the span of the whole conversation, one hand has been hidden behind her back; every now and then he's been able to see a flash of white. With those facts in mind, it isn't that hard to discern to truth.

"Well, okay." Mock pouting, jutting her bottom lip out, she fishes out the letter behind her, unopened in her nurturing hands. "The lizard and the flower left footprints."

"Then, I suppose, we're going to have to follow them." He grins, identically matching a smile with his pregnant girlfriend.

And by that, they mean reading the letter.

**.x**

_To the united fruits forces, Nii-san and Momo,_

_(Who else would I be writing to, and leaving this letter here without specific instructions to give to anybody else?)_

**.x**

"She hasn't changed much, has she?" Momo observes, tilting her head cupped graciously in her hands.

"… it's Karin." Ichigo shrugs. "It's how she rolls."

**.x**

_I have decided to kidnap our dear old friend in order to stop him moping and generally annoying the hell out of me. If unsuccessful, he will promptly return tied up in a body bag._

… _he may be dead; too, should the possibility arise in our journey together._

_Still!_

_The likelihood of that scenario is only if he proves too drastically stick-in-the-mud-ish for me to handle._

_Take that community spirit. And Yuzu, who says I should at least try something before giving it up. Unlike you, Nii-san, Yuzu is a __**good**__ role model. _

**.x**

"That's funny – she's underlined good three times, and yet still Yuzu and Karin are polar opposites." Ichigo notes. He doesn't really care if Toushirou's dead or alive at the end of the experience, or he believes that his youngest sister is too benevolent to actually conduct murder.

"She's your sister; obviously she's inherited some of your traits. Like laziness, for one. And that terrible, terrible temper." Momo lowers of her voice when speaking the latter sentence, making it sound grouchy and ominous.

"You think it's true? I'm a bad role model?"

"Honey, you're going to make a wonderful dad." She replies, smiling ever so softly, bright as always. "I know it."

It doesn't answer his question in some ways, but it does in others, and it'll have to do.

He'll find out when the time comes.

**.x**

_I'll return, I promise. I'll be back for the Yuzu's wedding – as I __**am**__ the maid of honour._

**.x**

"You should have seen her face when Yuzu and I told her that." Ichigo reminisces with a quirky grin, somewhere amidst the smack fest.

"She must be proud." She comments with her cheeks dimpling.

**.x**

… _just, why didn't you tell me that Momo was—__**is **__**pregnant**__?!_

**.x**

"You didn't tell her?" Her face ripples into a cheeky grin, imitating a monkey.

"I… uh, kind of… thought she'd be anti-baby." Embarrassed, Ichigo awkwardly admits, aware that his face is reddening. "Lately or whenever she contacts me, rarely, _very_ rarely, may I say, she seems like she hates life. She seems bitter, I guess. As if the whole world is against her." Mulling over her behaviour, and the words she spokes, and trying to read her subtext, there's a certain lonely aura that surrounds her.

"I guess, but… she'd be an aunt. This baby—_our_ baby—affects her. Our family… is growing bigger." Tentatively, she places her hand on her stomach, each day growing a little bit more.

"Toushirou couldn't keep his mouth shut. Huh." Ichigo muses. "Though to be fair… I'm not one to hide things from her. I mean – me, I'm going to be a father!" Truthfully, the idea still excites him, and he can't believe that it's true.

"You'll be wonderful." She replies, adoration in her soft eyes. "_We'll_ be wonderful."

He squeezes her hand, kissing her forehead.

"Yeah, we will."

**.x**

_Yes. I know. Congratulations. You're one of us now, even if you don't have the family name, Momo. But then, you've been like a sister to me._

_If you want to know: Hitsugaya suffered the consequences of telling me._

_Figures._

_So, yeah; that's it for now. If anything comes up, text me, and I'll come running._

… _maybe._

**.x**

"Elusive as always, it seems." Momo arches her eyebrow, a knowing smiling on her round face.

"You can't tether her down." His mouth tempts a smile, only teasing her, as brown orbs scan the rest of the page.

And he sees them.

Those three words.

**.x**

"What's wrong?" His girlfriend asks, intuitively sensing a problem arising.

And he looks at her, eyes filled with a plethora of emotion that she, for once, despite knowing almost everything about the Kurosakis, cannot decipher, cannot tell what the matter is.

"I don't know. But something's wrong." Suddenly, he's aware that they seem like strangers, and that she's pushing and pushing and pushing everything away. Yesterday, Karin broke down crying in his arms. Today, she's gone, like taking a joyride.

"But… they'll be okay, right?" Worry moves within her, as she sits closer to him, inhaling his scent and trying to be his pillar. Desperation claws at her heart when he does not reply. "Look at me: they _will_ be okay, ne?"

The fear that is tangible in his mouth and falling into her eyelashes and on her cheeks. Those two people are important to her: both her childhood friends, one her classmate and the other her _sempai _in school, by one year. And it's not just her; they're _his _friends, _his _family as well. Family isn't just blood, but the bonds created around one another, good or bad. That way, there will always be a connection between them.

Ichigo replies instantly and he hopes that it is not a lie.

"Yeah… they'll be fine."

**.x**

_Take care, alright?_

_I love you._

_Karin._

**.x**

_living corpse  
_7 : alter our lives

**.x**

"Okay, first of all, we're not that far from Karakura Town. If you want to get out and return, then I'm not going to stop you. _But_ if you're going back, then I'm not taking you." Karin says, giving Toushirou a meaning glance. "So think this through, 'kay?"

"I _said_ I'll go with you. I'm going with you." He replies, looking out the window.

"Last chance…" She chants, drumming her fingers on the driving wheel. "Going, going, gone."

"…"

_Oh, you just __**like**__ teasing him._ Rukia says, passing her hand through her face. _It's an opportunity that you can't resist._

"Shut up." Huffing, she says, in retaliation to the ghost girl, accompanying them on this lovely road trip. But Rukia still catches the smile that's directed at the side-mirror.

"I didn't say anything." Turning his head to face her, she gives a quick glance at him, showing exasperation.

"You didn't have to, Toushirou. You _really_ didn't have to." Pulling a face, she grimaces. "That look on your face says it all."

"Don't be ridiculous, I wasn't looking at you." Common sense tells him that much. He was watching another car pass him by when she had spoken.

"Ever heard of the phrase: eyes at the back of your head?" She retorts, watching his reaction out the corner of her dark blue eyes.

"That's completely out of context." He scoffs, growing annoyed with her childish behaviour to pick a fight. What's more annoying is that he's rising to the bait and encouraging the petty argument, just like they used to do, back in the old days.

"Meh." She shrugs, not too bothered.

They continue in silence.

**.x**

She isn't lashing out on _him_ – she promised to be civil. If only he returns the same courtesy.

Technically, she's snappily replying to Rukia, ghost-girl-extraordinaire, who refuses to move on until Toushirou has.

But then, mister prissy dragon had the wrong idea and started a fight.

It isn't her fault – it's Rukia's.

And ghost-girl-extraordinaire is smiling, cackling like she hasn't a care in the world.

Therefore, this time, she refrains from saying _'shut up'_.

Just in case Toushirou gets the wrong end of the stick.

… though she resents him for not being able to see Rukia.

… just a little bit.

**.x**

Half an hour later, when Karin believes that Rukia is truly evil, making her laugh quietly as Rukia quotes or improvises monologues that are overdramatic and borderline terror, aimed at Toushirou; and that the silence can suffocate her no longer, she decides to switch the radio on.

"_Hello, folks. Today we have a serious case of—"_

Toushirou glares and changes the channel.

"_Jibun wo, sekai sae mo kaete shimaesouna  
__Shunkan wa itsuno sugu soba ni…"_

Toushirou is tempted to change the channel again, but one look from Karin stops him. Or rather, her hand on his wrist, squeezing tightly does the trick.

"You are not touching that button until the song is over. I am singing whether you like it or not."

"You like Code Geass?"

And then she bursts into song, signifying yes to his answer.

"_Kakusenu iradachi to tachitsukusu jibun wo mistumete…"_

He sighs, and tries to enjoy the sound without the horrible sing-a-long girl.

Unbeknownst to him, is Rukia, screaming the song in his ear, also an avid fan of the series.

**.x**

He notices three things during the journey to wherever the hell they are going:

One – she eats pocky a _lot_.

Two – she will not let him eat the pocky.

Three – she sings to any song that appeals to her, and changes the channel if it doesn't.

**.x**

Coincidently, Karin also notices three things about him, but doesn't care either way.

One – he's very quiet.

Two – he likes to glare, or at least brood, with an unreadable expression on his face.

Three – he wants her pocky. And that is never a good thing.

**.x**

The silence is a friend to them, calming them or spurring their anger to fuse and explode, like bombs, ticking down to the countdown.

Of course, Rukia eggs them on, once she decides to be part of the conversation, with awkward results. Sometimes she is tired, and merely rests on the seats behind Karin and Toushirou, without using her seat beat.

If there _happens _to be an accident, she can always pass through material objects.

It's only a pity that it's not the same for the living humans.

**.x**

She grins as a sign board catches her attention.

"Finally!"

Hitsugaya turns his attention to her, mildly interested. During the car journey he has been counting cars and trying to discern the different types that there are, in between their varying interludes of silence and song-singing.

"What?"

She shakes her shoulders, jiggling up and down, possibly because of the jumpy tune that is currently playing on the radio. Thankfully, it's a little too fast to be sung, but it makes her laugh when she stumbles and slips on the correct syllables. Her fingers drum on the driving wheel, a habit that will, Toushirou suspects, infuriate him little by little as the 'time out journey' continues.

"Bathroom break." She makes the peace sign, winking at the mirror for curious reasons. "And food."

"You've been stuffing your face with pocky ever since you started driving!" He states, voice a little dull and monotone for her liking. "How can you be hungry?"

"Okay, first." She spares him a glance, before turning to the road that will lead them to eat. "Pocky is a _snack_. It doesn't _constitute_ as food. Second." With a terse voice, she speaks, making sure that the car is parked properly with the utmost care. "I'm not an idiot. I need a break from driving, my ass is numb, I have to go and… you're probably hungry. Three hour drives can do that to people." Giving him a sneaky smile that makes the hairs at the back of his neck bristle, Karin continues listing. "Third: I haven't got a reason to kill you, have I honey?"

"… are you talking to the car?" He arches his eyebrow.

"Yes. I was given it by a very special friend. I love it. Is that okay with you?" Snidely, she replies, getting out of the car and grabbing her keys.

If he responds to her jibe, then she doesn't hear it as she walks, stomping the ground with sound effects.

His answer doesn't matter to her, in any case. Not when she's pissed off.

**.x**

She returns to him with burger and fries in a much better mood. She even _smiles_ as she gives her food to him. He doesn't return the gesture.

He has feeling that the whole time she was away collecting the food; she was also burning holes into the back of his head.

"Thank you." He says, a little quietly, but she hears his words, nonetheless.

"It's alright. Now, eat!" She commands jovially, digging in to her burger with over exaggerated enthusiasm. Apparently, she _does_ inherit Kurosaki Isshin's antics, such as her goofy attempt at being a travel companion, when they aren't fighting over what to listen. He shudders at the thought of what other traits she has that is similar to her family.

Tentatively, he joins her; still a little weary of attempted poison.

**.x**

It's later, when they decide to drive again, Karin now firmly relaxed and raring to go, that Toushirou asks the question that he should have asked at the beginning, the question that should have come to him sooner.

"Where are we going?"

**.x**

She freezes for a split second.

_Where __**are**__ we going?_

_Somewhere._

_Anywhere._

_Does it really matter?_

"Um…"

**.x**

"… north?" She finally says, picking a direction.

She hopes that he doesn't want a specific place.

"The city?"

"… Tokyo." Karin finally says, adding as an afterthought. "Maybe Hiroshima."

"Huh." He comments. He really should know better.

"_What?"_ She asks, not liking the insinuation.

"Nothing. It's just… it's good you have a plan." Toushirou chooses his words carefully, learning slightly from mistakes that he has forgotten.

"That's me. I _always_ have plan." She lies easily with an impenetrable smile on her face.

_Hey… can we go to Kobe as well?_ Rukia pipes in.

"… if I feel like it, we could go to Kobe. Anywhere you want to go?" She asks, ignoring the ghost although acknowledging her request.

"No." He says softly. "Just… anywhere away from Karakura Town."

She flinches, though it goes unseen.

**.x**

_So there is… _

… _somebody like me._

_But is that good or bad?_

**.x**

"I see." She says, determined not to look at him. "… I see."

The rest of the journey goes in silence.

There's not much else to say.

**.x**

Singing, however, is a different story.

And by the time Karin finds a hotel that she likes, or finally just decides to fall asleep at nine o'clock, Toushirou has created seven different plans to either shut her up or break the radio irreparably.

When the hotel comes in sight, he can only sigh in relief.

"_Moizaiku kakera hitotsu hitotsu tsunagiawasete egaite yuku  
__Anata ga kureta deai to __wakare mo…"_

He tries to unbuckle the seat beat and escape from the car, but she grabs his wrist with a scary smile on her face.

"You're not going anywhere until this song is finished."

Oh, he _loathes_ Code Geass and all anime for making her an addict.

**.x**

"Hi, I'd like to rent a room for the night." Karin asks at the counter, visibly energetic and optimistic while Toushirou carries both their luggage, glowering.

"Would you like the honeymoon suite?" The blonde girl asks, chewing gum and glancing at the stoic boy behind her.

Lowering her head, Karin curses under her breath. She isn't used to travelling with a companion. And the assumption is easy to make. So many people prefer to be tethered to the ground, with their anchor in place. Granted, an anchor is nice to have, to remember who she is, but…

"No thank you. One room, two beds, just for tonight, please."

"Okay. Thank you for staying with us. That'll be one thousand yen." The girl behind the counter replies, bored, before continuing with video games on the computer. "Here's the key for your room, the door on the left will lead you there, and it's number twenty-three."

"Got it." Catching the keys with practised ease, Karin walks away, beckoning the silent boy to follow her. "See ya round."

Grimacing, Toushirou eventually complies.

**.x**

She stares at the mirror, drenched in drops of water that slide down her face. Her breath is heavy and her face is pale, thanks to the cold.

Rukia folds her arms, leaning on the bathroom door, visible in the mirror's reflective surface, expression indifferent.

Toushirou is asleep, that much, Karin is certain. Though she makes a mental note to pick up all the garbage made in the morning and promptly chuck in the bin, as tribute to her older sister.

"Is this really a good idea, Rukia?" The younger girl asks, uncertainly clearly written on her face. She speaks in a low voice, careful not to attract her companion's attention, should he in fact be awake. "_Kami-sama_, I mean, it's him."

_I didn't ask you to. You wanted to do it._ Rukia isn't punishing Karin's actions, or condoning them, she is simply stating them; making the facts black and white to her friend.

"… for you." The younger girl confesses, drying her face with the nearby towel, brushing away the droplets of water, in substitute for actual tears. "I'm doing this for you."

_Karin…_ Rukia uses her name cautiously, tasting it on her lips. _Are you sure that it is __**all**__ for me?_

"No." She admits, bitterness reflecting in her face. "You're the main reason, but… I don't like seeing people sad. He… he was my friend too. Not my boyfriend, but… I _did_ know the old him. And maybe, maybe I can help him." In a quieter voice, she whispers. "Maybe he can be my friend again."

_I have faith in you._ The ghost girl says, pretty words that make Karin smile, words that make her feel vulnerable. _He's already made the first step._

"You'll tell me, right? When you're going?"

Rukia doesn't reply, silent for a long time.

"Good night, Rukia." Karin mumbles, opening the door and walking through it.

… _good night._

But her words are too late to be heard.

**.x**

Karin doesn't sleep well, tossing and turning because the sweet bliss of slumber doesn't come.

Opening her blue eyes, she looks at the window, at the small gap that the terrible curtains have left out. The moon is visible, through sheets of blue solitude.

She closes her eyes; dreams of weddings and guns, of sunsets and ocean avenues, of ticking clocks and unspoken words.

Change is coming.

**.x**


	8. passing the time

The sun rises with so many colours that it seems like the sky itself glows.

"It's nice… isn't it?" Karin says, barely able to discern the figure from the window's transparent surface. "Watching dawn when the world feels so quiet and still."

_Pretty._ Rukia murmurs in agreement, eyes shining with admiration.

Karin snorts, soft laughter tumbling down from under her breath.

"Only you, Rukia. Only you…" She turns to face the ghost, meeting invisible air, forgetting for a split second that she can't see ghosts without the aid of reflective surfaces.

Hitsugaya Toushirou snores on, oblivious to the girl glaring daggers at him. He shifts, and tugs the bedcovers around him a little tighter.

"I bet he hasn't watched these kinds of things for a long time." Her eyes soften, her composure wilting as slowly, one by one; her petals fall to the ground, plucked apart by self-loathing and guilt. "Really… he doesn't know what he's missing."

**.x**

When he wakes up, Karin is nowhere in sight and the window is open, the tacky curtains being gently blown by the wind. Cerulean blue eyes narrow, questioning the behaviour of his travelling companion.

Is Kurosaki Karin that much an unorthodox girl that she would climb out the window to get breakfast and return via the same entrance?

Quite possibly.

**.x**

Toushirou decides to occupy himself, rather than search for her. Who knows, maybe he'll actually witness the event of her return to claim her property and he'll catch her red handed, entering through the window like a thief.

It is for this reason that he decides to take his shirt off and take a shower.

Although the shower is in fact a bath that has a translucent curtain covering it and he can hear a voice mumble various inaudible things. The ominous silhouette is vaguely discernable, though the trainer is visible, since it is poking through the curtains and is not contrasting very well with its bright colours and the pale cream colour of the bath.

"Karin…? Is that you?" He asks in a flat voice, not amused.

"Oh hey, Toushirou! You're up, finally." Karin cheers through the curtain, moving her hand to pull the curtain to see him. Suddenly, she stops and frowns. "… are you naked?"

"Are you?" He retorts, grabbing his pyjama shirt and messily putting it back on, pulling at the edges, once it reaches his waist.

"Yep. So, can I pull the curtain now to unveil the beautiful me?" Breathing out, she compresses her lips, and waits for his answer.

"Yeah. Sure. Go ahead." Tonelessly, he replies, not really taking in her response. But then, the trainer is a slight giveaway that indicates that she is dressed.

"Tada!" She grins, with a slight pose. But the moment lasts for only a second, before she scowls, disappointed by his lack of reaction. "Gee, aren't you a bright ray of sunshine in the morning."

He blinks. "… what?" Reality fumbles, its grasp slowly tearing away the sanity in his mind, under lock and key by the pretence of sleep. Cogs turn, bones click, though Karin cringes slightly at the sound. Realization dawns far too late. "Karin, what are you doing in the bath?"

"Texting." Her one worded answer is concise. Short and simple. Nonchalant.

It annoys him.

"Get out!" Cheeks heating up in anger, he points to the exit where she is supposed to go.

Pouting, she slinks from the tub to the door like a blob that has no will to do the intended task, rather reminiscent of a slug or a salamander. But she's grinning. Just for getting on his nerves while she was being civil.

The door shuts, speeding up so a gust of wind can be felt, and slowing down to avoid the slam.

Hitsugaya Toushirou scowls. _Weird girl._

But then, she'd always been weird.

At least, to him, she was.

**.x**

Karin doesn't talk a lot during breakfast, preferring to gaze out the window, her cheek resting on the palm of her hand. As if she's waiting for something. She taps her fingers in a non-sequential rhythm and occasionally let her feet join in if the mood takes her. She purses her lips, and lets her entire body relax, as if she is water, ready to slip and slide.

Toushirou munches on some rice balls.

It's a fairly uneventful breakfast.

**.x**

The smile washes all over her face as she bounces on the bed, springy like a puppy. And it's like her smile never left her face, only had a mild interlude where the lullaby hesitates before continuing to weave its enchanting melody.

"Why are you so happy?" Hesitant, not quite sure if these words are the right ones to ask, Hitsugaya voices his question.

And she grins, wrinkling her nose in the process.

"Because, I have a plan!" Snapping her fingertips, Karin almost looks like the ten-year-old she used to be, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"…"

"You do _want_ to hear it, right?" Narrowing her eyes, the thought occurs that she may be wasting her time.

He sighs, looking none the wiser; folding his arms. "Go on then, let's hear it."

"Thank you." In the bat of an eye, she throws away that thought, folding it neatly and then disposing it into the trashcan, like Yuzu would like. "We – that's right – you and I… are not going to Tokyo."

"Okay…" Slowly he compartmentalizes the thought, breaking it down and putting it back together, like all the jigsaw pieces that he deconstructed and rebuilt when he was a child. "So where are we going?"

Confusion creases her forehead, and Toushirou has the feeling that he's asked the wrong question. Because in another second, her facial expression stops being beleaguered and starts being annoyed, glowering at him.

"Unbelievable. You're not going to fight me on this?" Her eyebrows furrow and she stands up, trying to meet him eye-to-eye.

**.x**

_Damn it._

_Why the heck am I so short?_

The option to step on his toes and crush is tempting…

_This totally sucks. And not even on tip-toes am I able to reach him._

**.x**

"Why should I? It's your plan." He flatly says, not rising to the bait.

"Huh." She nods, realizing something which she doesn't like that much. "I see. Okay."

"That's it?" He blinks, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Um, yeah." She tilts her head, placing the mask of innocence on her face, widening her eyes. "Why, did you expect something else; say… an argument or violence or anything of a conflicting nature?"

"No." The words hesitantly come, bitter surprise on his mouth. The pause is long enough to let her know that Toushirou is lying. "Just surprised at your casual dismissal; usually there's a bit more fire."

"I've _matured._" Gritting her mouth, she frowns, scowling at his refusal to let the memory of her fade away. "How long is it going to take you to get that into your thick head? Anyway, go." She points to the door. "Walk through the door and wait in the car."

"Are you going anywhere?"

"… south. Hiroshima." She decides, nodding slightly to herself. "I'm not ready to go to Tokyo just yet." She waits.

Toushirou still lingers, unmoving and gazing at her with a vague and unreadable expression on his face.

"What? I've got to brush my teeth, and hand in the key; then we'll be off in a flash."

She waits.

"Okay. See you in the car." He nods, walking through the door and not looking back.

**.x**

She sighs, flopping back onto the comfy bed. "Man, what a pain."

_What now?_ Rukia flits, joining her, albeit unseen.

"… he's dead. Dead, dead, dead, _dead_! Not like you, Rukia." Scowling, Karin confesses, amending her error. "Different kind of dead."

_I got that already. Still, at least you've made progress._

"Doubt it." She tucks back a rebellious curl, displeased with herself. "I fail to see how I made any progress."

_He's out of Karakura Town, for one. And without you, I don't think he would have left._

"Well, I gave him the opportunity, I guess. He took it." Karin inclines her head. "Can't fault him for that."

And she hates the silence that overcomes them, bearing a heavy weight.

_He has changed you know. For the better. And… for the worse, I guess._ Rukia breaks it, trying to find words of comfort.

"I know. I know. But, he still feels like the Toushirou I used to know. It's just going to take time… to get used to it." Locks of black hair cover her eyes as she shifts away from the ghost.

_It goes both ways, you know._ Kuchiki Rukia reminds her, attempting to lessen her friend's frustration. _You can't expect him to fight everything you say._

"I suppose. Thanks for the reminder, Rukia." Sitting up, she makes the decision to stand up and walk forward. Even though the decision is made, she doesn't go through with it. "Hey, since you were his girlfriend and all, you can practically read his mind, right?"

Rukia only smiles.

And eventually answers the question, momentarily forgetting that her expression can't be seen without the aid of a reflective surface.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_8 : passing the time

**.x**

Jumping into the car with youthful glee, Toushirou can only fear the mood that the driver has, based on past experiences.

"Alright, let's get out of here!" She cheers, revving up the engines. "Here we come, Hiroshima."

**.x**

Toushirou gives her ten minutes, though it feels like eternity, before asking the question that repeats on his mind. It's ample time to let the excitement of going somewhere fade and for the silence to seep and become comfy with the radio.

"Why'd you change direction from Tokyo to Hiroshima?"

**.x**

Karin thinks.

She wonders if she'd let herself blush and stutter, trying to find the answer, like what she usually does with her friends. Half-angry that they'd question her, half-amused that they know her so well.

_Toushirou, Toushirou, Toushirou. _She'd say with confidence, being patronizing on purpose. _Don't you know that life is full of surprises? And you can't control the outcome all of the time?_

But she doesn't.

She only slows down the car, waiting for him to either lose interest or for a less condescending answer to come to mind.

**.x**

"Because, if life's a journey, from the beginning to the end, then who's to say that we have to follow it in a straight path?" She likes philosophy, being all deep and profound. It implies that big hand gestures must be used, although this is optional and Karin refrains this one time for fear of going off-course and colliding with another car.

"You were bored and flippantly changed direction?" Toushirou translates, flicking her off cloud nine without a second thought.

"Yep." She nods. "If you want to put it that way."

**.x**

_Day two begins. Karin is slowly working up the nerve to ask Toushirou why he stares out the window and does not start a conversation. Toushirou, in turn, wonders why there are no clouds shaped like Chappy the Rabbit._

"…"

… _half an hour has passed. Karin has been glaring at Toushirou non-stop. Toushirou has been ignoring Karin in turn, for fear of repercussions. That, or he's still wondering if he can control the weather through thought control. Hence his funny noises._

"Rukia… are you an idiot? He's been asleep for quite some time." Karin scowls, somewhat amused.

_I knew that._

"… of course you did." She grins lopsidedly, at ease and in control.

**.x**

He wakes up with a start, jumping as he gains his bearings, aware of the wind on his face and the sun in his eyes. Breathing heavily, he waits for his panic to subside, eventually calming down.

"You okay?" Karin asks, watching him out the corner of his eye, hands clenched on the wheel.

"I'm fine." The words come out, made of vomit and sweat and tears and pain.

She doesn't push him, preferring to switch the radio on and annoying him.

"Turn it off already." He growls, his voice husky from sleep.

"No way. Unless… we have a pop quiz!" The idea comes in this particular shape, meant to break the ice between them.

"… pop quiz?" Hesitant, he repeats the words with incredulity. Maybe he needs to sleep a little bit more. "Are you serious?"

"Do you want to hear the music, or would you prefer to have a 'getting to know you' session whenever the mood sets you?"

"You call _that_ a pop quiz?"

"… I'm sorry, would you like to call it 'answer the damn question or die'?" She huffs. "At least I _tried_ to give it nice sounding terminology."

"Fine. Let's have the 'pop quiz'." Reluctantly, he agrees with her idea.

"Yay." She claps once; mocking enthusiasm.

"Karin, you're just doing this to escape awkward silence."

"Yes, what's your point?"

**.x**

"… are there any rules?" Toushirou eventually says, after mulling the limited options: in which there are none.

"Nope. Oh, except that we have to alternate and have to think of a question within half an hour just to brighten up our happy day." She informs with a smile, a dimple on her cheek.

And there is an expectant pause between them, one in a constant state of sunshine and daffodils, the other in a frigid flux of winter and frowns.

Reluctantly, he says the words that she wants to hear; his expression one of boredom. "… and if I don't?"

Out of generosity, she gives him a single pocky stick. He takes it, though in disbelief. Karin makes no comment, her mouth still stuck in a smile.

"Violence and music you hate!" The dark-haired girl answers quickly in radiance, positively shining along with the invisible Rukia.

He scowls.

"… I knew it."

**.x**

"Pop quiz!" Karin begins with a clap of the hand. "Question number one!"

"Do you have to start it like that?" Sceptically, he narrows his eyes, already weary of her unstoppable energy.

"Pop quiz? Yes. Question number one? No. That was just so I could celebrate it to commemorate this special occasion." The words flow easily onto her tongue and she likes the way he curses under his breath at her behaviour. It's always fun to rile him up.

_Also called 'getting to know you with a taste of violence, part one'._ Rukia chimes in, her arms around Toushirou's neck.

"Okay." Toushirou nods, bracing himself for her first question as terrible, insensitive, and traumatizing and it may be. "I'm ready."

She does a drum roll on the driver's wheel, finding the tone to suit her words.

"_What…_ is your favourite colour?"

He blinks, lips twitching into a smile.

"That's so lame!" He snorts, eventually letting it escape into a bubble of laughter while Karin remains silent. "Out of all the things to ask, why ask that?"

"Hey," Karin mutters, stung with a flush of red rising in her cheeks. "Sometimes you've got to start with the basics, you know? Start with the foundations, follow it with building a monument, maybe an empire, and then take over the world!" She pauses, connecting the dots of her tangent with furrowed eyebrows. "Ah. Maybe I went too far. Doesn't matter, just answer the question."

**.x**

A favourite colour. Something simple, something clean.

_Blue._ _Blue like Rukia's eyes that sparkled in sunlight when she was at her happiest._

Deep. Rich. Painful.

Beautiful.

… _no._

_I don't want to be reminded of Rukia._

**.x**

He opens his mouth and says the first thing that comes out.

"Grey." His lips fumble on the word, vague and uncertain, almost mirroring the void colour that envelops people into a state of safety, a state of loss, numbing them into a sweet isolating abyss.

"Cool. Okay, your turn."

Toushirou sighs. Huffs. Struggles with finding the words. Then fights it.

… and succumbs to the question in his mind.

Karin watches him through the corner of her eye, amused. It's a very interesting procedure. The corner of her lips twitch, resisting the urge to completely make it into a full blown grin.

"Ugh. Fine… pop quiz…" His mouth eventually forces them out – that terribly lame _phrase_ that's a misnomer.

"Oh? So fast?" Evilly, the grin is spread out, catty and smirking like the Cheshire who loves to delve in confusing matters and madness. "Why, Toushirou, I had no idea that you wanted to play _Pop Quiz_ with me so eagerly. You have half an hour to think of a question, and yet it comes to you in a second."

"Favourite colour." Embarrassment flushes as a scowl becomes, once again, well acquainted with his face.

The black-haired girl tilts her head slightly. "Original. Hmm…" She places a finger on her lip, musing. "Red. Definitely red."

**.x**

Red like—

… _bang._

**.x**

"Pop quiz!"

Ten minutes later, a question comes to Karin's mind. Once she's able to single it out from the rush that simply threatens to tumble out of her mouth.

"Okay. Shoot." Toushirou leans on the seat, snapping his fingers in expectation for good, bad or simply unexpected questions.

He doesn't notice her stiffen, doesn't notice her regain her composure.

"Is your favourite ice cream flavour still vanilla?"

"Yes." How she remembers that and not his favourite colour is beyond Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"Cool." She nods, commenting. "Nice to know some things are the same."

Toushirou could pursue that and start yet another argument, yet for the sake of their precious… '_pop quiz'_ and for fear of an incredibly embarrassing question, he blocks the road that goes in that direction.

It's maturity.

… yet being with Karin, quirky girl and wanderer, makes him feel like a kid, again.

It's nice.

Somehow.

**.x**

"Pop quiz."

After saying it twenty or more times, he's become used to the phrase, no longer humiliated by the connotations. Well. Perhaps the older white-haired boy _is_ still humiliated, but the extent is now lesser than before.

"I'm listening." Karin watches him out of the corner of her eye, nearing her destination.

"_Why_ do you text in a bathtub?" Finally the question that has been bothering Toushirou has been revealed. Thanks to his sharp ears, he catches the chuckle that escapes under her breath.

And her grin is clear to see, outlined with a hint of mischievousness.

"Habit." She bluntly states, shrugging with a blasé exterior.

"Oh." Strange. He has a feeling that he'd been hoping for a little bit more than just a one worded answer.

"Yep." She nods, amused at his reaction. It's almost like he's turned into a snowman. Except he is a zombie as well.

… perhaps now is not the best time to inform him about her sock puppet quirk.

**.x**

"Okay, last one." The younger black-haired girl informs Toushirou, the car already parked. "Then you can get out of the car; get our stuff while I book the room."

She drum rolls, loving the melodramatic feel that tingles in her fingertips.

He nods, a signal that has been recognised as his 'poker face'.

"Who are you?"

This time she watches him with both eyes, waiting for him to digest and process the information, looking for the honesty that she wants to find.

"Hitsugaya Toushirou." The name eventually stumbles from his tongue after a brief hesitation. It's a simple question; it deserves a simple answer.

"Are you sure?" Her face indifferent, she coldly observes his gauged reaction. "How do I know that you're not just using that name as a cover? A back up, one might say."

"Yes." Firm, he makes his decision, no longer in the mood to follow her games. "I'm Hitsugaya Toushirou."

"How do I not know that you're just the shell of Hitsugaya Toushirou?" She challenges, dark blue eyes hard. "And you've lost who you truly are?"

"You don't." Voice soft, quiet but unwavering, he replies; cerulean blue eyes boring into hers.

Neither want to break the eye contact.

"So tell me: who is Hitsugaya Toushirou?" She narrows the distance between them, and Toushirou can nearly count every single eyelash that she has.

There are so many ways to answer that. But for Hitsugaya Toushirou, there is only one.

"Me." He breathes.

**.x**

Karin yawns, back-pedalling and stretching, destroying whatever mood that had been created.

"I'm tired. Get your stuff and mine, and I'll meet you there, okay?" Almost as if she is shedding her skin, she glides from the car to the hotel, footsteps light and padded, like she was never there.

Toushirou blinks, wondering why the hell he feels so relieved and sad that the moment is gone.

**.x**

Dawn spills bright and early, spreading warmth into the cold hotel room. The light tickles and teases him, eventually forcing the sleeping dragon to open his eyes, though he makes sure to keep his breathing even.

And he sees her.

Karin.

Kurosaki Karin.

Her back faces him, and she gazes outside, watching birds in envy as they fly across the horizon, spindled in strings of pink and red and blue and grey. Black hair billows, swaying almost hypnotically as she shifts, troubled by something. It's an illusion, spellbound in hues of light that make her skin radiate in such splendour.

The curve of her cheek. The nape of her neck. Her skinny, skinny body that is feminine yet strong. Features that he has seen every day, yet none of it seem to be as important as they are now, his dulled mind seeking to memorize this image in time.

A lonely mirage painted on sea shells and crabs.

She turns, cheeks flushed, blue eyes soft, hair cascading down her shoulder and spine, mouth enticing.

Their eyes meet. Or maybe they don't.

_No, _he thinks as he closes his eyes, compelled by the lure of sleep, the safety net that protected him from reality.

_It must have been a dream…_

**.x**


	9. rose coloured skies

It's… blue. No, not blue. But it's not quite green either.

It's a myriad of colours, swirling back and forth like the sparkle in Karin's eyes; a mixture of happiness and bittersweet loss.

Azure, cobalt, sapphire… shades of blue that reflect the sky and the sadness within a teardrop.

Myrtle, celadon, emerald… hues of green that represent freedom and the childish imagination that calls forth mystical allure.

And then there are the broken sheets of gold, sliding through his toes, soft and harsh at the same time.

The sky, layered in wads of cotton spit, seems to be smiling in melancholy, never staying the same for a single moment.

Hitsugaya Toushirou has never understood why Kurosaki Karin has always loved the seaside.

Not until he sees her smile and laugh as she twirls in bare feet on the warm ground.

**.x**

She looks happy.

**.x**

"We're staying here." Karin says, arms outstretched, tracing patterns on the sand with the tips of her fingertips. "For a very long time."

"Really." Toushirou says noncommittally and decides to sit on the sand. "Guess this detour is worth it."

For her, that is.

"Hey, we _are _going to Kobe. It's just… it's the beach. The sea. The sand. Something about it that I just can't resist, you know?"

"No." His reply is quicker than she expects and she pouts in annoyance.

Kobe is famed for hot springs and fashion. It has a beach, much like the rest of Japan. What difference does one beach have to another?

"Sucks to be you then."

It doesn't really matter anyway.

**.x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou can make a list of ten things that Karin does in a beach:

First – she likes to build sand castles, with or without buckets and spades.

Second – she loves splashing in the water.

Third – she will dance in the ocean breeze and might flinch whenever she feels the sand scratch her ankles, pulling a funny face.

Fourth – she collects sea shells, building a pile of it before deciding whether or not to add it to the aforementioned castle.

Fifth – she likes to make sand angels.

Sixth – she will bask under the sun, as long as she has a hat.

Seventh – if there's no alcohol, she will definitely find ice cream.

Eighth – she will roll away from crabs, towards him, black hair splayed in sand and ask if he can get rid of it. He will not.

Ninth – she scrapes handfuls of sand that slips and slides through her fingers—

"What are you doing? No, Karin—go _away!_ Don't chase me!_" _

"Aha! Too slow! Too slow!"

—and dump it in his hair.

"What the hell was that for?"

Tenth – she acts like a complete child under the drowning sun.

Hitsugaya Toushirou finds he doesn't care.

**.x**

Except he does when she admits with humiliation that she has no other unused clothes, even though she has a towel in the car and that they're going to stay on the beach until she's dry enough to drive.

He pointedly states that she could get changed – or at least slip into the towel, stay in the back seat and let him drive whilst giving him directions.

She refuses without a second thought.

Right. Of course.

_How could he think of such a thing?_

He can practically feel the horror reel off her as the thought occurs in Kurosaki Karin's mind.

**.x**

Another day, another beach:

"Awesome! Look, Toushirou – this one has an ice cream van!" Pulling up to park the car, she's already out and tugging his shirt sleeve, whacking his arm, rather, in anticipation of tasting the cold liquid and for Toushirou to pay.

"I know. I know." Sighing, he gets out and lets her lead the way. "I'll pay, my treat as thanks for your wonderful generosity."

He no longer needs any prompting as this is the sixth time that it's happened.

"Vanilla for you, right?" After he nods, she bites her lip, contemplating which flavour to taste. "I'm gonna have… pistachio today."

Her ice cream always changes; much like his always stays the same.

"Hey, Karin?" Blue eyes wide and waiting for his question, he asks, feeling slightly awkward. "What's your favourite ice cream flavour?"

"That's easy. Chocolate mint. Nice and cool with a dash of sweetness." She winks as she smiles, before taking his wrist, her skin hot on his cold flesh, and leading him to the ice cream man.

… he wonders if that means something. But he can never tell with Karin. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't; yet he has no clue of either but to rely on his gut feeling.

Handing her the ice cream that she impulsively chose, Toushirou can't help but notice the way her face light up before she gives a tentative lick and drags him off to enjoy the beach.

When did he get so comfortable around her?

**.x**

"Pop quiz!" Karin says, beginning to make a sand angel. "Ready?"

"Go ahead." He nods, joining her on the ground this one time, refusing to mimic her action of making angels.

"Is the glass half-full or half-empty?" She asks, looking at the sky, so blue in splendour.

"We haven't got a glass." Toushirou kindly decides to point out.

"I know. Metaphorically speaking. Answer the damn question." Instantly, she deflects it back at him.

"Depends. You?"

"A glass is a glass. Stop making it seem so damn complicated." She looks at him with a lopsided grin, hair spilling from her shoulder to her neck. "Take it for what it's worth."

He only laughs.

"How long have you wanted to say that?"

"A while."

In a way, she's right. It's not like everything has a deeper meaning within them.

**.x**

Days pass, and they slowly move to their destination. Kobe is coming closer and closer.

Karin is sipping lemonade when she comes out of the café, swaying under the light of the sun as she walks towards the only man who lives under an umbrella. In her hand is another vanilla ice cream.

"Oi. Short and grouchy. I bring your desired product into reality." She calls him in a bored tone.

Even if he doesn't reply, preferring to turn instead with a slightly thunderous expression that others will shy away from, Karin takes no notice. Or rather, she does, grins, and doesn't comment. Her silence is her amusement, visible on her open face.

"Come on. Take it." She holds out his ice cream, slowly dripping onto her hand.

"… thanks." He replies, expressing his gratitude in a sigh. It is his money, after all, that she used to buy it.

They watch the sun set under the shared umbrella, in some sort of comfortable silence.

**.x**

"Hey, do you ever think you'd be able to live like this? Go on and on and on, with no end to the adventure?"

Karin says, giving out and sitting on the red bonnet of her car, chocolate ice cream in hand.

Toushirou's lips curve, in sadness and regret and his voice is soft as he speaks. "… I'm not you, Karin."

"No." She shrugs, trying to shake away that brief disappointment. "Guess not. Ah, well. It's for the best."

"The world couldn't handle another Kurosaki Karin." He comments, earning a grin off her mischievous face.

"Three cheers for individuality." She toasts sardonically, the ice cream flying from the wafer cone for a brief moment.

**.x**

The next beach is made of stones, smooth and rounded, almost perfect to hold in someone's hand.

Karin has never liked shingled shores.

Until she notices Toushirou pick up a pebble and throws it, bouncing off the surface before it inevitably sinks.

"Teach me!" The blue-eyed girl demands, determination in her eyes, cheeks flushed, her fingers interlocked. "Please?"

"Okay." He nods, picking up a stone. "First, you find a stone that's smooth and flat and fits in your hand. Then, holding it between your finger and your thumb, lean back, make sure that your arm is straight, before you throw, changing the pressure from the foot that your currently leaning on to the one in front."

He demonstrates; the pebble bouncing four times before it succumbs to the watery grave.

"… what?" Eyes big and watery, she throws… resulting in a _splash!_

Toushirou sighs.

Grabbing a stone, he puts it in her hand, letting Karin become acquainted with it, before catapulting it into oblivion.

"Relax." He murmurs, standing behind her, his hand lightly resting on her shoulder and her wrist. "Calm down."

"But—" Karin protests.

"Just do it." Firm yet gentle, he waits until she does so, sensing her muscles go lax. "Okay, now, lean back." Feather light, he lets her lean back, setting her legs apart, maintaining a steady balance. "Move the arm holding the stone back, while making sure that the arm holding the stone is in front, that's where you want to aim." Under his guidance, she does so. "Then, you quickly move this arm forward letting it go once it's in front of you; while you do that, lean forward, putting your weight on the front foot." Slowly, she goes through the motions, the stone firmly gripped in her hand, repeating the gesture until it's as comfortable as breathing.

He steps back, satisfied with his teaching. "Now you try, and this time, let it fly."

And when she does, the stone skims three times, sinking on the fourth.

"Yay!" She cheers, arms flying around his chest, impulse taking over. Just like old times. "I did it."

"…" He stiffens, when she doesn't let go, awkwardly patting the top of her soft black hair. "… well done."

"Thank you." She gives him a blinding grin, finally letting go of him.

"Yeah. You're welcome." Coughing, he picks up another stone, trying to act unaffected.

She doesn't seem to notice, caught up on her achievement.

**.x**

He wonders if he's going soft on her.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_9 : rose coloured skies

**.x**

Kobe is a city of stars and exotic flair, relaxation and tall buildings. There are hot springs and zoos, romantic views; leisurely parks and monuments worth remembering. The mountains of Mount Rokkou and Mount Maya look stunning at night, glistening from moonbeams and shafts of light captured from multicoloured strobes.

And didn't you know? The fashion there is _awesome._

Karin makes mental notes to buy clothes for her twin, and wonders if she'll be suckered into buying clothes for herself. The answer is probably yes.

Toushirou makes mental notes on how he should buy a camera to take photos and remember this memory.

**.x**

"Hi, I'd like to reserve a room for a week?" Karin says, leaning on the counter with an easy going smile.

"Are you looking for one bed or two; or would you prefer the honey moon suite?" The receptionist asks, tilting his head and reciprocating the gesture, soft but curious, polite as expected.

Her grin widens, and she flashes a devious grin back at Toushirou. "Two beds, please."

The receptionist raises one eyebrow. Trouble in paradise?

"That will be ten thousand yen. Thank you for staying at our hotel, hope you enjoy the night. Your room is on the fifth floor, number seventy-eight."

"Alrighty. Thank you very much." She smiles and sets off to discover where her exactly the location of the room is.

**.x**

He buys a camera the very next day.

Black, small, stylish, compact; it has lots of storage. What more is there to say about a good camera?

… Karin buys an entire closet of clothes.

Before she reluctantly gives back half.

**.x**

"Look! Lions and tigers and cheetahs, oh my!" Taking his elbow, she leads him through the zoo.

And he… really doesn't have the heart to make her let go.

"This is so cool!"

_Click!_

**.x**

She buys a kimono, wears it and sleeps under a Sakura tree. Pink petals surround her, tangled in the wind's breath and her black hair.

There's a slight smile on her face that he cannot help but return.

_Click._

**.x**

"I want shaved ice! Melon flavoured!" She proclaims excitedly, switching from foot to foot in the queue.

"… you don't like melon." He has never forgotten this fact.

"But I've never tried shaved ice with melon!"

"… _fine_."

"Thank you!"

"Stop staring at it. Eat it already." He scowls once he sees her staring pensively at the treat.

"But what if I don't like it?" Her eyes are big and watery. Then dark blue eyes flash, inspired by something. "I know! You try!"

She shoves the melon flavoured shaved ice into his mouth.

_Click!_

**.x**

The sun is setting, burning across the sea. There are fireworks in the air, fizzing, sizzling, and exploding into a menagerie in bright lights. They can see boats streaked in ash, on the horizon. Music hums a jazzy beat, elevating the mood of the festival.

Karin leans on the balcony, arms steady and looking at the bright sunset.

Toushirou is right beside her.

_Click._

**.x**

The hot springs are amazing. Nice. Hot. Steamy. Relaxing.

Like they are supposed to be.

… Toushirou sighs, and is consumed by bubbles.

_Click._

**.x**

If you can't go to Paris, go to Kobe.

It's a beautiful city, one that Rukia has always wanted to go to.

Sitting on the balcony, she looks up, gazes at the stars, twinkling and scattering like dust in her hands.

There's a dying smile on her face, distant and bittersweet.

She can taste it.

The memory of her flickering into the afterlife.

It's almost time to say goodbye.

**.x**

The ghost sees it all in slow motion.

And she smiles that beautiful smile that everyone falls in love with one last time.

**.x**

The hotel has a swimming pool. It's not a beach, nor a hot spring; but Karin figures it's worth checking out anyway. Toushirou doesn't really know why she bothers; it's not different to the other two except that this one is much colder.

"Yeah, but… it's the concept. The _concept_." The younger girl wrinkles her nose as she protests, slightly incredulous.

"If you say so." Grudgingly, he ends the conversation.

"I do. So there." She wonders if she should continue that thought, and does, grinning. "Nyah!" She sticks her tongue out.

"Must you act like a child?" He folds his arms, turning his back to the swimming pool and facing Karin.

"You enjoy it." She retorts playfully, stepping forwards, closer to the grouchy dragon. Her hair shimmers as it mingles with the breeze. Her blue eyes sparkle like a child lost in one-upping in their idle banter.

"Do not." Denial quickly comes to him, as he steps back.

"Do so." She grins, rather wolfishly, almost anticipating the moment to attack. "Speaking of which; if _I'm_ acting like a child, then it's perfectly logical and okay for me to be out for revenge."

"For what?" Quizzically tilting his head, he tries to quickly delve into his memories, probing for anything worth for vengeance.

"The bridge? You totally could have saved me." Cheeks red in mortification, her arms flail as she remembers the sensation of—

"Oh. I thought saving was something a knight did?" Countering her statement and referring back to her metaphors of fairytale characters, Toushirou adds. "Dragons don't save; and knights do."

"Who saves the knight when they're in danger?" Fuming, she replies in indignation. "You so should have grabbed my arm, you didn't even try!"

"You were the one who said that I mustn't touch your kimono." He reminds her, throwing her statement back in her face.

"Ju-Just shut up!" Red-faced and losing the battle, Karin angrily remembers that this is the reason she didn't get along with Toushirou. Their arguments always became petty and like children, they would glare whenever they were in the same vicinity until someone broke. The apology never was in words, but in bribery. It did the trick. Usually.

"Is that the best you can do?" Feeling derisive, he scoffs, a child once more.

"How about _this!_" Karin yells, pushing Toushirou into the pool where she would hear a satisfactory splash_._

Pity he takes her with him, tumbling together with a cry of outrage.

**.x**

_Splash!_

**.x**

Fuck.

That's _really_ cold water!

**.x**

Bubbles, bubbles, everywhere. Up his nose and in her hair.

Blinking, Toushirou opens his cerulean eyes, watching a mass of thick black tresses slowly unveil the Kurosaki companion.

There's a smile on her face, and she's never seemed more alive.

She's laughing.

Out of the shear stupidity of it, he finds himself joining in.

**.x**

It's something they used to do.

They really _haven't_ changed that much.

**.x**

Jumping up and breaking the surface, Karin gasps, drinking in the warm glow of the sun, smeared in pastel shades of rosette and orange skins. Using the water as a blessing, she pushes her thick locks out of her face, dripping wet and soaked to the bone with the stench of chlorine.

She is cold, she is warm, and she is relishing the life she lives.

Hitsugaya Toushirou finally submerges and the expression on his face is a combination of amusement, surprise, irritation and downright idiocy.

**.x**

"I cannot believe you." He says, once his mouth is completely devoid of water.

"I can't believe that you would do something like that to _me._" Karin quips, equally flabbergasted, her grin unable to go away. "I'm so proud."

"Don't flatter yourself." Muttering, a scowl reappears on his face. He shakes his head, like a wet dog.

"Oh, _there_ he is. The one and only Hitsugaya Toushirou that I know well; I wondered where'd you go without me." Karin dryly remarks, arching one eyebrow.

"Shut up." Blithe, the words slip out as easily as he feels droplets of water slide down Toushirou's face. "It's your fault anyway."

"What? Pushing you into the pool? You were asking for it." The black haired girl chokes back a laugh, unable to stifle a grin.

"Then you were asking for it, too." Toushirou informs her in a bored tone, though mirth lingers in the iris of his eye.

"Yeah. I guess I was." Her mouth twists easily into amusement, wry and full of vigour.

Her face changes before him, a plethora of soft care and a delicate light of friendship, entwined in honeycomb hues that sweetened the air. And still her smile on her face remains, bright as ever; yet it lacks something. Or maybe it is just a trick and Hitsugaya blinks, ignoring that sensation that makes the hairs of his neck prickle ever so slightly.

"Come on. Let's get out of here."

Slowly, they wade their way towards the stairs.

**.x**

_Karin._ Rukia decides to speak, rippling on the surface, fading in and out. _Thank you._

The younger girl is startled, blue eyes wide, standing still; hating the foreboding feeling that is clawing at her heart. Hand trembling, she seeks her friend's hand, passing through water.

She can sense goodbye through the refracted angle, squeezing and letting go like the waves that move back and forth.

**.x**

_This is it, isn't it?_ Karin wants to say. _This is your goodbye._

_Don't._

_Don't leave me._

But she can't.

She can't say those words because Rukia is her best friend and deserves to move on.

She can't say those words because Toushirou is still here.

So Karin opts to smile, a broken and gentle smile, but one that understands.

**.x**

_You're taking such good care of him, that I don't need to be here any more._

_I don't need to worry about him any more._

_So, Karin. Thank you._

_And goodbye._

**.x**

There no longer bears any rippling reflection of Kuchiki Rukia in the water.

Out of the corner of Kurosaki Karin's eye, she sees a black butterfly ascend into the sky.

**.x**

She wants to cry, like she did in Ichigo's arms in the not so far-off past. Like a child, too selfish to understand that life isn't going the way she wants; selfish enough to keep the dead from rest but—

But then she thinks about her mother.

And the dead need to rest; need to find their peace.

She still retains the memories of various segments which include Rukia. If she wishes, she can go back, recall those times with ease, snort and sniff, keeping in mind the will to not be lost in the past.

To see that smile, hear that voice, and grin goofily at her elegant mischievousness.

**.x**

And Karin feels Toushirou's hand on her shoulder, barely enough pressure to be called a touch.

But it's there.

Somehow, she recognises that through sifting thoughts in her distant mind.

**.x**

"Karin." His voice is soft and sharp, and he brings reality to her with gentle contact.

"Huh?" Eyes wide, she blinks, concentrating on him, mind blank.

"You okay?" Toushirou asks with quiet intensity, close yet far.

"Yeah." To smile is hard, but it feels genuine. Almost as if it's made of porcelain, cracking only at the edges; it soars and breaks. "I'm fine."

He gives her this look, caught in conflict on whether to fight her or not, eventually settling to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Alright."

**.x**

In the morning, when he sees her gazing out the window, arms looped around her legs, her hair is orange streaked in red.

**.x**


	10. skin and bones

Red like the dying sun. Red like rebirth.

Red like anger; love; passion.

Her long locks of raven black hair… are gone, replaced by a shimmer of a phoenix, a flurry of feathers that float past her shoulders and brush the tips of her ears.

Kurosaki Karin is impulsive, if nothing else.

This he knows from the sparkle of her eye, the dimple in her cheek and the corner of her smile. It seeps through the rhythm of her footsteps, the slant of her neck and the lazy sway of her hips.

He knows her, inside and out.

No.

He doesn't.

Not anymore.

They are strangers, embarking on a journey to heal his heart, tentatively touching the strange bond of friendship. Slowly, but surely, the world is brightening. Day turns to night to day again. It becomes easier to breathe, think, see.

And when Karin changes the colour of her hair…

… he is sent to memory lane.

**.x**

_He sees her first in the park, surrounded by her family and a picnic basket. A tall and willowy lady, a soft smile gracing her face; a strong and boisterous man, hoisting his orange haired son on his shoulder; a small girl that seems identical to her mother, a perfect picture of innocence; then… her, ebony haired and pale skinned child; all of them wearing a matching set of smiles, almost stupidly happy._

_Momo is calling him, taking his hand with wide eyes and a sweet face, leading him away despite being the younger out of the two._

_But he looks back, glimpsing her one more._

**.x**

_He sees her a few times after that, the supermarket, the park, outside of his house, but never talks to her. It's almost like she's lingering in the corner of his eye, just waiting to be noticed. He wonders if she notices him._

_Finally, a soccer ball connects their paths together, rolling lazily to his toes and recoiling on impact. Gingerly, he picks it up, examining it for a label or something before hearing a voice and looking in that direction._

"_Hey." And there she is with a smile on her face as if she's been waiting for this moment for a long time. "That's my ball. Can I have it back?"_

"… _oh." He looks at it, this unremarkable object that has become a million times more valuable. "… yes. Here." He shoves the ball into her small hands. _

_She gives him a soft smile. "I'm Karin."_

"_Toushirou." He nods._

"_Maybe we'll meet again someday." _

_He hopes so._

**.x**

_The sun shines brightly one day, the wind in Momo's hair. _

_And he sees her, hands entwined with her mother's, grinning like there is no tomorrow, alongside her sister ._

_Momo waves and he offers a smile at the girl with happiness glowing as she tells her mother many things about what happened at school._

_She only grins and waves back._

**.x**

_It's through Hinamori Momo that they become truly acquainted. With her usual greeting, she introduces the not-stranger behind her, eyes bright and mouth wide, the corners tipping upwards. _

"_Karin-chan, this is Shirou-chan." She pushes the shy girl in front of him. "She's in my class."_

"_Shirou-chan, this is Kurosaki Karin-chan." Likewise, she introduces him. "He's in the year above us and I live with him."_

_He can't help but roll his eyes, automatically correcting Momo. "Hitsugaya Toushirou."_

"_Nice to meet you." Karin grins that secret smile, one that only he knows._

"… _you too." The words finally come to mind. "Are you coming home with us?"_

"_Yep! And…" The black haired five-year-old looks around. "… Yuzu?"_

"_O… ohayo." The auburn haired sister says, peeking from behind Karin._

_With a nod, he begins to lead them to his – and Momo's – house. But not without glancing at Karin from time to time._

**.x**

"_Gentlemen, I bring a new member to our soccer gang!"_

_Karin points to him, an eager grin on her heart-shaped face. He bets that she can taste victory in the air._

"_Wow… he's so cool."_

"_Is that hair for real?"_

… _he decides not to answer unless they have __**real**__ questions._

"_This is Hitsugaya Toushirou. He's gonna make us invincible, or die trying. Toushirou, this is—"_

_A bushy browed narcissist and is the nastiest out of the lot, as he finds out. "Toba Ryouhei."_

_A guy who has glasses and wears a hairstyle that he thinks is cool. "Usaka Kazuya."_

_A boy who has uncontrollable hair, almost like an afro. "Uehara Kei. We call him Donny." _

_A kid who has spiky black hair, similar to an arrow. "Toujouin Heita. Renamed Pinta."_

**.x**

_During the course of the next five years, an odd sort of understanding comes between them. He helps her with homework, whenever she comes over to stay overnight, Yuzu tagging along; she helps him come out of his shell, wide blue eyes that make him trust her far too easily._

_She finds him easily whenever she cries, breaking her leg, getting beaten up or allowing trouble to find her, he acts as her sanctuary whenever her mother is not there to comfort her; he always finds time for her whenever Yuzu and Momo have their girly moments on about boys and make up and cooking at home, he makes her laugh and smile, makes her pout and fume, allowing her to feel comfortable with herself._

… _Karin is Karin, inexplicably so._

_She tells him her dreams, and her hopes, in exchange for him training up her four boy one girl soccer team. They make a promise that they'll never, ever stop being friends._

_They break that promise while deciding which soccer team is the coolest._

_They renew that promise when he buys them all ice cream, having been the one asking the question._

_It's a rinse and repeat situation where the person to blame buys everybody compensation as an apology._

_To them it's tradition._

**.x**

_Nom. _

_Freeze._

"_Ew. Ew. Ew!"_

_Sigh._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_This—this—"_

"… _melon?"_

"_Yes! Melon! It tastes __**awful**__!"_

"_If you don't like it then why did you eat it?"_

"_Because Momo wanted one. And I wanted to try it."_

"… _I see."_

"_Do you like melons, Toushirou?"_

"_I—"_

_Shove._

"_See? Awful, isn't it?"_

_Swallow._

"_Actually… it's not bad."_

**.x**

_When Karin is ten, long locks of hair almost reach her elbows; she introduces a new person to the group: Kuchiki Rukia, the latest new girl._

_And she fits in like a glove, a medium between girly Momo and tomboyish Karin._

_Rukia is… different, but she's not Karin._

**.x**

"_That was my face, you midget! Aim for the goal, not me!"_

**.x**

_There's a picture of the five of them, ages fourteen and fifteen: Momo, Rukia, Yuzu, Karin and Toushirou._

_Rukia's sitting on the grey stone wall, swinging her legs back and forth, twirling an umbrella behind her. Momo's beside her, wearing a flowery hat and flip-flops, posing with the peace sign. Yuzu's on the other side of Rukia, hair curled, smoothing out the creases of her dress, a twinkle in her eye._

_He sits below the three 'angels', not bothering to pose as he stares straight into the camera, wearing a blue shirt._

_Karin's arms are around his neck, her face nearly brushing his and grinning that sunshine made grin._

_Click!_

_Ichigo comments that Toushirou is either gay or a total pimp._

**.x**

_When Karin and Yuzu are fifteen, tragedy strikes._

_Kurosaki Masaki dies; their stupidly happy smiles with her._

_They all feel responsible in different ways._

_They all change, dropping out of school for a while, unable to function. Yuzu becomes more motherly, trying to polish the dust that remains part of Masaki, and cooks meals of excellence having been taught by the best… her mother. Ichigo turns distant, more aloof than he already is, gazing at the spot of her death, trying to defy all the medical logic that speaks bitterly in his mind._

_And Karin? _

_Kurosaki Karin who cannot cook and cannot clean, can only cry (although the amount of that happening has decreased dramatically since meeting Toushirou) and do nothing? She stays in her room and… and that's it._

_He thinks. He doesn't know._

**.x**

_A week is generous._

_There is only so long before friends will want to intrude and help out the girl who doesn't speak, doesn't talk and doesn't let anyone into her room. She can't play truant forever. Her mother… Kurosaki Masaki… wouldn't want that._

"_Ne, Karin…" Rukia knocks. "Come out already."_

"_We brought Toushirou with us." Momo says, the poundings on the door abruptly halting._

_Rukia and Momo glance at each other, as if something is hidden from him._

"_He wants to say something to you." Yuzu adds, in hope, in desperation._

_He sighs, hands firmly in his pockets. "Do whatever the hell you want, but… is this what your mother would have wanted?"_

_Silence. It weeps, it burns, it suffocates._

_He doesn't hang around._

**.x**

_Karin's hair is light brown like Yuzu's, the next time he sees her. Her waist length locks are gone, now barely past her neck._

_She looks different._

… _she looks okay, if a bit tired._

"_You were right." She nods, head downcast and tilted left. "Moping… isn't what Kaa-chan wanted me to do. Well. Maybe a little bit. But not for the rest of my life, you know?"_

_At some point where the silence becomes unbearable, she starts to draw circles with her foot._

"_Do you want pocky?" She claps her hands, a grin twitching at the corner of her mouth and meeting his eyes._

"_Pocky… pocky sounds good." Slightly surprised, the words come awkwardly. "Karin."_

"_Hmm?" Wide eyed, she gazes solely at him, worried that her exterior might crumble into pieces._

"… _you look good."_

_It must be a trick of the light, because her cheeks flush like an unfurling rose._

**.x**

_She changes after that, some ways subtly, other ways blatantly. Energy springs upon her and she brings life with her, wherever she goes. Vigorous and strong willed, her training improves, as does her sarcasm, growing more apparent every day. She doesn't take people for granted, or at least tries her best to make them smile and feel welcome._

_But she becomes… weird towards him._

_He just can't figure it out._

**.x**

_There's this guy. Tall and dark, exotic and muscular. Wavy chocolate hair. Beautiful brown eyes._

_He's been friends with Kurosaki Ichigo for quite some time._

_And Toushirou doesn't like him._

… _because Karin does._

**.x**

_The words are out before he even thinks about it; and he can't remember what the hell he said._

_Her eyes are smouldering. Her frame is shaking. Skin pale, ashen white blemished in anger._

"_Don't you fucking say something like that to me ever again."_

_She's never tried to hide from her emotion, and it shows clearly in the iris of her eyes._

"_I'm just—"_

"_I can fucking take care of myself." She interrupts, not in the mood for his excuse, or whatever he has to say._

"_Clearly." Snide, Toushirou is quick to reply. "Fine. Go ahead. Date him."_

"…" _She looks away at that, mouth slightly parted as if the words have fallen to the floor singing unheard words._

"_Keep in mind that if he breaks your fucking heart that I won't pick up the pieces."_

_She laughs at that, bitter and mocking. "… you never did anyway. Why should you start now?"_

_And the words that came to counteract that statement washed away, drained away as the silence wrapped them both in an icy breeze._

_There's nothing to do but walk away._

**.x**

_She doesn't talk to him for a while, her hair now black._

**.x**

_Come to disco, everybody said. It'll be fun. It'll be __**really**__ fun._

… _he doesn't know why part of him wants Karin to be there._

**.x**

_And there she is, swaying to the music with her friends like she doesn't have a care in the world._

_The lights flash – blue, green, red, changing colour every time he blinks in the dark atmosphere._

_Suddenly she is right in front of him, a smile plastered on her face, alcohol blushing for her. She grabs his wrists and begins to dance, knowing that both of them can't really dance, but if it's all for the spirit of fun, then it's okay._

"_Hey, hey, hey… where have you been…? Shirou…" Karin slurs, ridiculously happy. "C'mon, c'mon. Shake that body of yours, for me, 'kay?"_

_He tries, awkwardly, admittedly, not very hard._

_Karin scowls._

"_Put your hands on my hips, and I'll put my arms around your neck, and we'll let the music flow. How about that?"_

_The only reason he's letting her do this is because he himself is slightly tipsy, and the music is deafening him._

… _she's too close. Too close to not count every fuzzy eyelash, too close to not count every sparkle in her eye, too close not to reach out and kiss—_

**.x**

"_Oh, jeez, Karin!" Rukia is prying the drunken girl away from him. "You promised that you'd behave yourself."_

_And all Karin can do is giggle, sashaying to another part of the room where she can have fun._

_His eyes watch her the whole time._

**.x**

_She doesn't talk to him for a long time after that. _

… _he thinks he knows why, but he really, really doesn't._

**.x**

_When she finally does, it's like she's a stranger out of the rain, bringing the sun wherever she goes._

_He almost doesn't recognise her. Because her blinding smile catches him off guard. And Ichigo is only amused._

**.x**

_Dawn spreads and all he sees is her back in the dewdrop of morning. Her strong, strong back._

_Then she turns and all that registers is her vulnerability in layers of delicate disposition._

_She is there for him; but who is there for her?_

**.x**

… _he doesn't think it's a dream, but a distilled memory._

**.x**

Karin changes her hair colour as a sign that she's moved on.

Maybe he should move on too.

Or, maybe… he already has.

He just hasn't realized it.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_10 : skin and bones

**.x**

"You're finally up, sleepy head." Kurosaki Karin says with an easy smile on her face. "Come on, I've finally got a job to earn some money."

"… a job?"

"Mou, you didn't think that I just used my family's money to fall back on and get off scot-free, did you?" She pouts, furrowing her eyebrows and narrowing her eyes after he doesn't reply. "You did."

"… can you blame me?" Hitsugaya Toushirou shrugs. "We've been going around place to place, having fun and yet, for some reason, you aren't tethered down by a day job."

"Hey! I have a day job. And a night job. And a twilight job. My job can be done at _any time _of the day – it just depends on whether people want it to happen or not. Then again, I might do it for kicks. But the downside of that is that I don't get paid." Folding her arms and huffing, she looks away, before meeting his eyes again and smirking. "You wanna come?"

"Is there anything else I can do?" He asks rhetorically.

"Well… you could sight-see, I guess. Buy a few more souvenirs. Take photos. Write a book on the woe of youth and independent thinkers. Pick one of the various options that I have given you."

Silence.

"… so, I guess you're coming with me?" Teasingly, she leans forward, the corners of her lips curving. "Well, okay. But be warned: I _will_ introduce you as my dorky sidekick."

"Karin. What _do_ you do?"

**.x**

The Ghost Media would like to interrupt this story with ground breaking news:

"Be warned, friends, fellow ghosts who haunt the land as kindred spirits. There is an enemy that we have come to dread and fear! She comes, she creeps, she crawls, using ninja skills and cunning craftiness!"

"Beware – for no one is safe! She will hunt you down and exorcise you!"

"Um… won't she lead you to rest?"

"Is that what she does? But what about the bloodcurdling screams and all round nastiness that comes with her job?"

"Sound effects, my friend. Sound effects."

"Huh. She doesn't seem so bad now."

"So why are we spreading panic then?"

"Oh! I know! It's her dorky sidekick with the Glare of Doom!"

"Fear him… _fear him_…"

"This is the Ghost Media, tune in next time for Haunting in Nagasaki at nine o'clock."

"You know. If anybody is watching this."

**.x**

"Doors locked?" She drums on the driver's wheel for a count of three.

"Check."

"Seatbelts on?"

"Check."

"Car raring to go?"

The engine growls.

"… check."

"Okay, we're off to client number one!"

**.x**

"… _Ghostbusters? _You're the modern equivalent of _Ghostbusters!_" Incredulous, Hitsugaya Toushirou arches one eyebrow.

"Hey. _Ghostbusters_ is awesome! Not quite the same viewpoint, though. I'm pro-pacifism. Respect the dead, unless they are truly crazy or the exception of being drunk applies. There are no guns, no uniform and no catchphrases. Guns and uniform are lame, but the lack of catchphrase… oh, the shame."

"… who you're gonna call?"

"_Ghostbusters!"_ Clapping her hands, Karin grins, knowing that it must have pained Toushirou to say that. "But, seriously, all I… I guess, it's _we_ now… do is help them get to rest. Fulfil _one_ wish of theirs – provided it isn't anything related to revenge or murder – and they move on, provided you made an oath with them beforehand. Otherwise it's just a lost cause."

"And if nobody calls you on this job?" The lingering unasked question finally comes into light.

"… then I get a real job."

**.x**

"You don't actually have a name for this 'job', do you?"

"Sadly no. Imagination just isn't my strongpoint. Pocky?"

**.x**

It's a tall, tall building.

"They come in all shapes and sizes." Karin says as she walks through the entrance. "Business areas, tiny homes, caravans, airports, it varies every time."

Approaching the counter, she leans forward, a smile on her face as she mumbles something about her job, lowering her tone as she looks left and right, shifty eyed before returning to her optimistic demeanour.

"… and this is my dorky assistant, Toushirou!" At this, Hitsugaya merely rolls his eyes and focuses once more.

The secretary's glasses flash as she pushes them up her nose, nodding once, twice. "Follow me." She curtly says.

And so they follow, one lackadaisical, the other curious.

It's not everyday that someone sees an exorcism take place.

Well. For most people.

**.x**

The dark-haired secretary leads them to an empty room, devoid of anything but a mirror in the centre. "This is all you requested, correct?"

"Ah. Yeah. That's about right." Taking a good look at it, spinning around – and fumbling, Hitsugaya Toushirou there to help her gain balance – Karin offers a smile that makes her feel comfortable. "Nice place here. By the windows and very… white. Good view of Kobe."

Formal as ever, the secretary only says. "It is as you requested."

"Uh-huh…" Nonchalant, the girl with red hair only clicks her tongue and gazes at the mirror, searching for something that couldn't be seen. "Okay. Well. This'll be done in half an hour, I think; in any case, Toushirou, would you lead her out?"

"…"

"B-but!" Cheeks flush from the pasty white skin of the secretary.

"Don't worry. You have my word that I won't break anything. Really, there's nothing to see. Standard procedure and stuff. Very boring." The eccentric girl waves her away, still scrutinizing the mirror. "Oh, and a little bit of advice? Get some sleep."

Without further protest, the secretary lets herself be led out of the room by the silent and dorky assistant.

The last thing Hitsugaya Toushirou _thinks_ she says is:

"So how's being a ghost treating ya?"

And laughing.

Crazy girl.

**.x**

Thirty minutes pass and Hitsugaya Toushirou swears that the sound of a ticking clock makes more conversation than two living breathing people.

He can't answer the secretary's questions, unless he gives vague responses. Bullshit has never been one of his strong points.

He can't make small talk because it's not his strong point. Pointless conversation is… pointless.

He can't really do anything but sit silently in the chair just outside The Room, his eyes glazing over and burning holes into the wall.

All he can hear is the muffled sound of her voice.

With a gentle breeze and a smile on her face, Kurosaki Karin finally re-emerges, eyebrows arched as she tilts her head at the mute assistant.

"Okay. We're done." As if she is used to the supernatural lifestyle, Karin acts unfazed to the stuttering secretary that has lost the ability to speak. "All he wants is the company to succeed into greatness and the pipes to be fixed. Apparently there's been a leak in one of the meeting rooms? I don't know." Gazing at the piece of paper that's in her hand, she reads a few more off the list. "What else… to clean the windows more often; and for you to smile a little bit more." Simply shrugging, she places the crumpled paper into the secretary's hands, trembling slightly, though Karin doesn't say a word. "Hey, it doesn't hurt to simply relax once in a while. Let yourself go, if that's what you want to do in life."

Silence.

Karin waits a moment, before extending her hand patiently, up for grabs.

"Money, please?"

**.x**

"You are ruthless." Toushirou finally speaks once they leave the tall, tall building.

"Me? Nah. Listen, _this is a job_. Ghosts have to move on. I mean, sure, he seemed like a nice guy, being caring and compassionate about his business and friends, but… I'm not there to hold the living person's hand; I'm not the one who gives them words of comfort. It's a job. And that's all it is. They want a festival? Fine, I'll tell the survivors to prepare a festival and be there 'till that ghost leaves the plane. But they're customers, and I'll be damned if I get too close to them in the span of half an hour."

"That's cold. I'm not sure I like this side to you." Toushirou bluntly informs her.

She shrugs, face indifferent. "It's business. What can I say? Some treat me respectfully; others think I'm a joke. Either way, _I get paid._"

And that's how, on client number two, the Glare of Doom was created.

Though to be fair, Hitsugaya Toushirou has always had it, he just didn't know about it.

**.x**

She doesn't like that side of her; that's obvious. It's the way her mood changes and she comforts herself with an overdose of pocky sticks; the ways she flexes and reflexes her limbs as if she's been burned. She'll twitch and shudder and act distressed, behind a joyful exterior.

A stranger wouldn't know these things. But he does.

He's noticing all these imperceptible things that wouldn't have mattered to him before. A different side to her.

She's talking and she's talking, but none of her words are making any sense. Maybe they're not supposed to.

**.x**

"Karin."

"—and, what?" She blinks; he catches the panic in her eyes, usually so calm and lazy.

But he doesn't say a thing. Words bind his throat, preventing anything from being spoken.

"You okay? 'Cause, really, you've got to stop staring. Seriously, if you want to say something, just say it." Her mouth twists into a pout and smile, teasing him as her eyes glitter into lazy banter, comfortable in the friendship that they have.

"Your hair looks nice." Mind blank, it's the first coherent sentence that falls from his lips. Instantly he berates himself for saying it; he sounds so stupid.

"It took you a whole morning to notice? Men." She rolls her eyes and quirks into a grin, one he used to know so well. "But thanks for telling me."

"… Karin." There's something different in the way he says her name, as if tasting it for the first time; yet she doesn't seem to notice, her blue irises peaceful, her frame at ease, shoulders relaxed and comfortably lodged around his arm.

She rolls her eyes, feigning frustration. "What now?"

"… I'm treating you to some pocky-flavoured ice cream."

"Why?" Grinning like there's no tomorrow, her head rests on his shoulder, asking for indulgence.

He could say a million things, spin a thousand stars and create a necklace just for her. But all he says is the truth.

"You deserve it."

**.x**

Because really—

Kurosaki Karin is all he's got.

**.x**


	11. fancy free

"If outer space was an ocean, then everybody would have drowned long, long ago."

"…"

"Swallowed up in a dream… surrounded by bubbles as all creatures eventually become deprived of oxygen. Except fishes, who would probably turn into mermaids, the equivalent of humans. Evolution takes a long time."

"Can I ask you where this interesting analogy came from?" Hitsugaya Toushirou dares to enquire.

Karin only looks at him, her head resting on grass, locks of red hair fanned out. Though it's dark, and he can just about see her luminous outline glow from the soft rays of the moon; he can tell that she's smiling, amused.

"… boredom, I guess." She shrugs. "I mean, look at us: we're stargazing, and lying on the ground, though it's not really to read constellations, and I've been meaning to do this for a while." Pausing, as if to hesitate with what she wants to say next, she continues, regardless. "Why not let yourself go in a while and say the most random thing ever? You know, if you want to."

The silence that envelops them feels comfortable.

Until Karin breaks it.

"So, do you want to sleep here, the car or in a hotel in Hiroshima?"

**.x**

… though he feels somewhat like a criminal, he waits until she falls asleep before picking her up and driving the car to Hiroshima. They were nearly there when they went stargazing in the field, taking a break for journeying so long.

Strapping her in the car seat, he can't help but feel that she's still a child inside.

Karin shuffles as she sleeps, red head lolling from place to place as she tumbles back and forth in her dream world, eventually settling for his shoulder as a rather comfy pillow.

If she mumbles something, then it's too soft to be heard.

Along the way, he pushes back locks of hair that cover her face.

Wonders if she's ever looked this innocent in the arms of slumber.

**.x**

Bearing in mind that when she closed her eyes last night, she had the starry sky as her duvet and the grassy ground as her bed; an _actual_ (not to mention softer and a lot more comfortable) bed is a surprise to Kurosaki Karin. A good surprise, perhaps, but still a surprise.

Shifting slightly, she tilts her head and lets it all sink in, calmly opening her eyes, flickering as she adjusts to the change in environment. Toes curl, fingers explore, limbs stretch just to ascertain that she still has all the parts of her body and none of it has been detached. Pursing her lips, she looks at the already awake Hitsugaya Toushirou, arching one eyebrow in mock anger.

"You're up; good morning." He parrots her prior greeting, saying the first sentence in the morning for the first time in a while.

Never breaking eye contact, and paying no attention to the fact that they share the same bed, Kurosaki Karin replies.

"Am I to assume that you kidnapped me and my car while asleep to drive that much further to go and get a hotel room?"

"Your assumption is correct." Stoic, Hitsugaya Toushirou responds deftly, never moving, curious to her next actions.

Her lips quirk into an unconventional grin and reach her eyes with the promise of breakfast. "I've rubbed off on you. I'm so proud."

Rolling his eyes, he doesn't bother to reply, knowing that it would only further her amusement.

"Anything on the agenda?" Relaxed, Toushirou shrugs as he sits up from the shared bed.

"Mm? Just one." Hesitant, she turns her back on him, feeling her cheeks heat up at the mere implication of it. "But it's completely up to you."

"I'm listening." He glimpses her through the corner of his eye.

"… but you might not like it." Pouting slightly, her voice sounds muffled.

"Since when has that ever stopped you?"

"Well, alright." Still uncomfortable with the subject, Karin pulls up the bedcovers, snuggling as her legs fold into her chest.

"Go out on a date with me."

And the world stands still.

**.x**

_What?_

**.x**

Eyes widen.

Breath freezes.

Hands clench.

Heart constricts.

… _Rukia…_

**.x**

The invisible wounds open, spilling blood onto his pale skin. Cold yet warm, elegant yet vulgar, he feels the memory of a ghost touch his shoulder. As if—

As if he refuses to let go of her.

_Rukia._

A name that brings snow to his heart, filling up lost footprints left in a white abyss. A name that cuts him deeply as if he found out the news of her death yesterday, crushing his glasslike dreams. A name that burns on his memory, his skin, his lips.

But—

**.x**

_Karin._

Kurosaki Karin.

Hot-tempered, impulsive, loyal Kurosaki Karin; the girl he's known since he was five; the girl who's always known how to laugh and throw a joke.

Karin who is alive and bright and putting all the pieces back in his heart without even knowing how.

Karin who he is, surely, but slowly—

**.x**

The nightmares have stopped. Occasionally, he dreams.

The darkness shows a light.

The world has stopped being numb. With her by his side, black and white slowly transforms into colour, messily splashed on an empty canvas.

Though painful, he is recovering. As each nuance of colour is added, a smile is formed, another sentient is returned, bearable.

And Karin makes emotions resonate in his heart once more, bringing him back to life.

**.x**

He loves Rukia, he always will.

But, he can't live in shadow of yesterday.

**.x**

Not for the rest of his life.

**.x**

It's time to breathe again.

**.x**

"—and like I said, it's up to you." Karin fidgets, as the sound of her voice guides Toushirou to the realm of the living. "I mean, we could go beforehand like a date as friends. If you want. It's just…"

He has to stop being so… relaxed and uptight around her. Sometimes he wants to shake her and… and he's losing interest in reality. Better focus and listen to her voice.

"… so what do you think?"

He understands.

Time has passed; and he has changed through her intervention. Though he doesn't know _how_ much time has passed – a month, two, four – it feels like he can finally continue with the promise of tomorrow. Wallowing hasn't done anything, alcohol has provided a safe haven, albeit hangovers, but Karin… Karin has brought meaning in his life.

"Yeah. I'll go on a date. With you."

**.x**

There is mischievousness in her eyes as she turns to face him, stealing even more of the duvet in order to obtain more warmth.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Awesome. See, this is what _friends_ do for each other." Her eyebrows furrow, as if she is stuck in a dilemma. "We _are_ friends, right?"

"Yes, Karin."

"And we always _will_ be friends, right?"

"Yes, Karin."

"I remember making this promise before. How can I be sure you won't break it?"

"Because I swear on my honour as a dragon, Karin-sama. I will do anything not to be slain." Droll, Toushirou answers back.

"That's right." Karin grins, dimples dancing in her cheeks, as she sits up cocooned in the duvet. "'Cause after this 'date', then comes the _real_ one."

**.x**

There's part of him that's very confused and wants clarification.

But there's another part of him – his face, his face, his _face_ – that says it all.

"Ah… you weren't listening?" Blinking, the red-haired Kurosaki offers a strained smile.

His darkened face says it all. To be on the receiving end of the Glare of Doom is never a good thing.

Karin awkwardly laughs.

"Well, you see, there's this girl I know…"

**.x**

_living corpse  
_11 : fancy free

**.x**

Damn ears. Stupid _things_ that tune out and make him mishear things.

It wasn't: "go out on a date with me."

It was: "go out on a date."

No "with me". That's just—

That's just…

… denial?

… common sense?

… wishful thinking?

Or none of the above and just Karin is being too oblivious about something that's never, ever going to happen between them. Something that could never work and isn't even _thinkable. _But he had thought about it, which technically made it thinkable.

Karin is Karin.

And Karin is a lot of things.

But most of all, she's confusing.

**.x**

She gives him a smile and takes his arm, almost as if she's waiting to be swept off her feet. She offers him pocky and gazes out the window as breakfast is consumed.

She waits patiently as all the mundane things that normal people do happen. Brushing teeth, changing clothes, adding a dash of make up, perfume maybe.

And when she steps out from the bathroom, ready from her preparation for the… _date_-that-isn't-one; Karin looks pretty.

But then, the redhead has _always_ looked pretty, she's never made the effort to be more so. That's more Yuzu's, or even Hinamori's area of expertise. He digresses, because she's a girl, and he's always suspected that she has latent girly moments, under that tomboy exterior.

It's… nice. Really.

Yet he prefers her without all the beauty products and cosmetics… because that is who she is.

**.x**

"You're paying, you know." Karin taps her foot as she twirls in the mirror.

"… I know."

At least her personality remains the same.

**.x**

"Drive my car again and you're dead."

**.x**

The lunch date is… interesting. She pokes fun at him, and others, maintaining a playful, if often one-sided banter with. Of course, she always has the advantage of using prior knowledge in riling him up; and he can do the same.

… Karin eats a heck of a lot. He wonders how he's never noticed that.

Besides, if there's nothing else, there is always _that_.

"Pop quiz!"

**.x**

After Karin hands him a pocky stick; Hitsugaya Toushirou remarks. "You are going to get me fat."

"Which is why I propose that either we go cycling one of these days; or go on a grand tour of the city."

"… it's never going to happen." Toushirou retorts.

Kurosaki Karin flashes him a grin.

"Precisely."

**.x**

"So, how was it?" She asks, suddenly more conscious. "Good? Bad? Are you up for the next date with my friend, or scarred for life?"

Her fingers brush his hair, smoothing out soft tufts.

"… it was… fun." He admits, wondering if that's the best word to use. He's almost certain that they were going to start a food fight.

"Uh-huh. Well, that's good enough for me, I guess." Karin grins, as nimble fingers mess with his head.

"Is this really necessary?" Wary, he decides to voice his doubts.

"Absolutely. It's turned into a right mess, and since I've done it before, it's perfectly alright. You won't turn out like Frankenstein's monster." Karin assures him. "Promise."

_Snip!_

**.x**

If Frankenstein's monster is a rather dashing, sexy creature… then he is perfectly fine with being compared with that.

Minus the glowing eyes, screws in the neck, terrible acne… and height difference.

"Yeah, you look good."

And with those words in mind, Karin ruffles his hair, thus ruining his hairstyle.

**.x**

"You have my number, right?" The red haired girl asks, tucking in a rebellious curl behind her ear, eyes wide and innocent.

"… here's my phone." Dutifully, he hands her his mobile, briefly checking out his reflection in the mirror.

"Okay… there!" Satisfied, with integrating her number in his phone, she hands it back. "Now you can call me whenever you want. And when the date ends."

"I'll see you soon." He nods.

And waits.

"Oh! Her name's Kotetsu Kiyone. Orange-brown hair. Gray eyes. Really energetic. You'll know her when you see her." She shrugs.

And waits.

"Um, this is my good luck, I guess."

Standing on her tip toes, Karin places her hands on Toushirou's shoulders and kisses his cheek.

It's not much, but it'll have to do.

"Good luck."

Winking, she drives off, leaving the boy at the entrance of the restaurant, his cheek tingling where her lips made contact.

**.x**

Slumping on the counter, he swirls the glass of _sake_ round and round, entranced by the pretty colours shimmering in the liquid.

It's been a long time since he's become drunk.

"Bad day?" The bartender asks sympathetically.

"The worst." Gruff, he slurs slightly, the glass in his hand suddenly empty. "I'll have another one."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He feels rotten, he feels crap, and if getting stinking drunk doesn't help, then he doesn't know what will.

It's just… too much.

**.x**

_All he can say with Kotetsu Kiyone is—_

"_Pop quiz!"_

"_Pop quiz!"_

"_Pop quiz!"_

_Everything shuts down, and only the eccentric manner of Karin's clings to his memory, guiding him forward… and condemning his date to hell._

_He probably freaks her out, despite her own peculiar nature._

_Not a good memory, if he's being honest._

_And why the fuck is he thinking of Karin the entire time?_

**.x**

"_Kami._ Oh sure, get drunk, don't call Karin, let her worry and get a weird message that _may_ be you. What on earth happened, Toushirou?"

She's here. Beside him.

Alcohol surges in his blood and if he can stay smart, he won't say a thing.

"Jeez… was she really that bad?" Karin enquires, tilting her head and clucking her tongue. "C'mon, let's get you out of here."

"Take good care of him." The bartender offers a smile.

Heaving, and finally able to get Toushirou's arm around her shoulder and her other arm around his waist, Karin returns the gesture, swaggering as her drunken companion decided to direct the path that would only lead them astray.

She stops as they make a joint effort to open the door, twisting her head back with amusement laced within her tone.

"Believe me, I'm trying."

**.x**

He doesn't remember how he arrives at the hotel.

There's Karin and then—

—there's _Karin_.

Karin who grins; Karin who sings to the radio at midnight; Karin who parks the car; Karin who helps him get out of the car; Karin who staggers as he stumbles in any direction; Karin who wears that same, plastic smile that she has been all along.

Bits and pieces of memory flick through him that all contain that girl.

**.x**

_Karin._

**.x**

"Hey, keep going, we're nearly there." She encourages him, tugging him in the right direction. "Stay. Lean on the wall. You can fall to the ground if you want to, but you know you're only going to stand up again if you want to get through the door. Unless you want me to drag you and—hey, I found it!"

The pretty hotel keys jangle in her hand.

And the door opens, swallowing them both in abyss of purple elephants and candy clouds.

**.x**

"Really, what was the point of buying a room with _one_ bed? King sized, a luxury perhaps, but still. I'm going to sleep in the bathtub tonight, 'cause you won't. And I'll be stealing the duvet." Karin half complains, half shrugs with a slight smile aimed in his direction. "Want anything? Nah, probably not. Seriously, just go to bed. Sleep it off."

Her words don't make sense to him.

All he wants to do is—

He steps – stumbles – _lurches _forward.

"Karin…" Toushirou breathes, intensity churning in his eyes, despite his stupor.

She steps back, he steps, stumbles, _lurches_ forward.

Repeating the process until there's no where she can go. Toushirou, the drunk, has essentially covered her escape exits by grabbing onto her shoulders, mainly for support, Karin suspects. If she wanted to, she _could_ kick that area that all men find painful, but having a hangover is one thing, and losing the ability to make children is another.

"Toushirou, you okay?" Feeling slightly daring, she hap hazards a question that probably isn't coherent.

But the answer is obvious. It's obviously no.

"You don't get it, do you?" Toushirou slurs, so many – _too_ many – emotions clouding in his eyes. "You _really_, really don't get it."

"Um." Her eyebrows furrow, unaware that her companion is leaning forward towards her, all of his inhibitions gone so his restraint can break a thousand shards. "Not, not really no. What—what are you doing so close?"

"…"

"Back, demon! Dragon! Away!" Squirming under his gaze, hair's prickle at the back of her neck, not liking the vague direction of what he's about to do next.

He smiles idiotically, lifting her chin.

He is stupidly, brightly, drunkenly happy.

Because he _wants_ to do this, has _wanted _to this for so long and now, now he _can_. For some reason that didn't make sense before.

Even the blurry outlines of fluorescent ice cream and pocky sticks are encouraging him to do so!

… and he can't disappoint them. Really.

**.x**

"_You like her, don't you?" Kotetsu Kiyone asks, leaning forward. _

_He knows exactly who she's talking about._

_And somehow, he can't say a word._

**.x**

"_Do you like her?"_

"_Who?" _

"_Karin-chan."_

"_Well, she's my friend."_

"_No, not like that. I mean…"_

"_Oh."_

"… _so?"_

"_Of course not. Don't be silly, Momo."_

_There's a smile in her voice._

"_I think that's denial speaking."_

**.x**

He… _likes_ her. Always has. Since forever.

And yet—

_Rukia_… Rukia… is important. Part of him will always be hers.

But Rukia fades away in the swirl of _sake_, disappearing with the brightness of Karin's presence.

Because Karin has captivated him in a way that Rukia never knew how.

Like she's always had in his heart in her hands; from the minute he gave her back the football.

**.x**

_I—_

**.x**

Actions speak louder than words.

**.x**

And so, he kisses her.

**.x**


	12. at the seams

"_I love you."_

**.x**

Her lips taste of alcohol and unshed tears.

Her eyes stare at the ceiling.

Her heart pounds against her ribcage.

**.x**

"_Karin."_

**.x**

The bath is cold and smooth against her skin; the duvet is soft and warm against her skin.

Her skin is hot like lava and freezing like a fridge. It feels like a marble statue, unable to move yet flowing with emotions that cannot help but bleed in place of tepid water.

Red locks of hair slide onto her face, covering her darkened eyelashes, shadowing a moon-white liquid.

**.x**

"_Don't you get that?"_

**.x**

_Kami_, she wants to punch his brains out.

Anger boils and belches within her, simmering as her lips compress into a thin line.

That stupid—

_Fuck._ She can't even curse him properly!

Hopelessness stirs at the pit of her stomach, almost like butterflies that flap their wings in elation. But those beautiful winged creature soar on shredded velvet wings, spiralling downwards.

Hands curl, digging deeper and deeper until crescent shaped moons are marked on the palms of her hand.

Why'd he have to go and get himself drunk?

Why'd he have to ki—_kiss_ her?

Why'd she have to like it?

Karin sighs, and tries to detach herself from the spectrum of emotions that glisten in her eyes.

**.x**

"_You're tired."_

**.x**

Dammit.

Her hand covers half her face; her attempt a failure already.

Doesn't he get that he's _just_ a job?

How could he? He doesn't know a thing. He doesn't know a _damn_ thing.

Yet she does. Regardless, all those feeling that were meant to be buried up in the past… resurfaced beneath her friendly façade.

And Hitsugaya Toushirou has become so much more than just a job.

**.x**

"_Just get some sleep, Toushirou."_

**.x**

How is she supposed to get to sleep when every time she closes her eyes she can feel his lips pressed against hers?

**.x**

"_And when you wake up, it'll all have been a dream."_

**.x**

When she finally falls asleep, she dreams of smoke, dragons and a moon reflected in the rippling water.

**.x**

… _bang._

**.x**

_living corpse  
_12 : at the seams

**.x**

His head hurts, he realizes as he moans into the pillow, hoping to muffle out his quiet, quiet death.

What happened last night?

Blinking, he tries not to let the sun gouge out his eyes with such bright intensity.

… he doesn't have a duvet, yet he's still on the bed.

Huh. That's so typical of—

**.x**

Oh.

Oh, _shit._

**.x**

Karin's going to fucking rip out his intestines and recreate the bloody wall of China with it!

Or… or maybe he's overreacting. Sitting up, he mulls over the exploration of the option.

Last time they almost, but didn't kiss, and the both of them were drunk. This time, only _he_ was drunk. And he swears, through his hazy memory that she… she kissed back.

**.x**

The bathroom door opens, Karin appears, with messed up hair and a black storm cloud, the duvet instead of Santa's bag, on top of her shoulder.

They make eye contact. It lasts for a very long and angry second.

"…"

Forget about the Glare of Doom.

She can be a freaking harbinger and call forth the apocalypse with one mean glower.

The silence is loud and deafening as she grabs her suitcase and rummages for clothes. Her movement is sharp and short; _staccato_, in other terms, quick bursts of anger, quick stomps as she foxtrots back to the bathroom, mumbling curses beneath her breath.

Hitsugaya Toushirou flops back onto the bed.

Yeah. No doubt about it.

She's fucking mad at him.

**.x**

Saying 'sorry' doesn't appear to be appropriate.

And impossible to do, since she either ignores him, sends scowls in her direction, or snaps whenever he tries to talk to her. A mere touch sends her scuttling away, flinching like he's made of electricity, and burning her at the very touch.

This has got to _stop_.

Kurosaki Karin is being ridiculous.

**.x**

She hasn't talked to him in days. Always gone before he wakes up, too tired to argue when night falls, snuggling in the duvet-bath.

The thought occurs that he should get her a couch.

But he knows that she wouldn't use it.

**.x**

What about post-it notes? That could work.

At least _some_ communication could be made.

**.x**

… not a good idea, it turns out.

All that remains of them is burnt ashes.

Before his very eyes.

**.x**

For the sake of future use, he is not going to even _attempt_ to use the phone.

**.x**

His breaking point happens to be when her hair turns black, black as death, black as the night, black as a crow.

"Are you done?"

"What?" Instantly put on guard, her arms fold, and her foot taps impatiently. She doesn't look at him.

"With _this._ Whatever issue you have with me, can you just _drop_ it?" Blunt, he's a stickler for maturity.

"Right. Sure. Because you know, _that_ happens when you get drunk. You get all… affectionate." Her voice rises only in pitch, not volume, coming faster and faster as each word is spat out reluctantly.

**.x**

Aw, crap.

She's panicking. Twitching. Growing red-faced at the mere sight of him.

So not good.

**.x**

"Wait." Blinking, he tries to exhale, the memory passing him by. "All I did was kiss you."

"Yeah. You did. And you also said—you do remember, right?" Pausing, her cheeks turn to flames at the remembrance.

"Karin. All I did was kiss you." He repeats, talking very slowly and trying to take it in.

"No, no you didn't!" Swallowing, her enraged expression becomes mollified. It's becoming hard to breathe. "You really don't remember."

"What are you talking about?"

"You said—nothing. Never mind. Doesn't matter. At all. At all."

Toushirou arches one eyebrow. Repetition is such a giveaway. "Really?"

"Absolutely." Karin nods frantically, blazing in emotion. "So. Um. I'm going to go."

She turns and all he wants to do is hold onto her. Just to—

Just to let her know that he's sorry. And that they're okay.

"Karin."

She stops, motionless, fists tightly clenched. But she's listening, and that's better than her cold front.

"What did I say?"

Her head lowers, and he waits for her to level her head, instinctively knowing not to push her.

**.x**

She runs her tongue on the roof of her mouth, both dry.

"… you told me you loved me."

**.x**

He steps back.

"I was drunk. I lied. I mean, you know. I was just _drunk_."

Hitsugaya Toushirou is babbling, saying the first things that come to mind. When facing a hangover, the best thing to do is deny, deny, _deny._

Damn repercussions.

"Liar." Kurosaki Karin's voice cuts like ice, like glass. "You're such a terrible liar."

"…"

"Give me a break. You were in love with me _then_, and you're in love with me _now._ I mean, seriously. Why? Why would you do such a thing?" She spins back and for the first time in a while, makes eye contact, midnight blue searing with torrid emotions. "That – _this_ wasn't meant to happen!"

"Since when?"

"Since _always_; it's an unspoken rule between us. And, oh, _kami_ – you didn't even argue." Horrified, she steps back, tensing.

The thought has never crossed his mind, too absorbed in her.

She's so odd, being open when it's all about him, being so closed when it's all about her. And whatever happens, she's so alive, so vulnerable… so… he can't find the words to describe it. Under her happiness, beneath her ire; emotional baggage rips her apart.

And what's the point of arguing when it's true?

"Because you're right, Karin. And you know it."

She jumps at that, closer to the door. Her cheeks, flushed like cherries, change into pale ash.

"Why the heck can't you just deny it and say that's nothing's wrong? Why can't you be that stupid fucking idiot just like before?" Karin's voice rises into a shout, her body shaking.

"Because I _like_ talking to you!" Angrily, he retorts; blinding him. "I _like_ being with you! And I—"

Cold, she interrupts, staring through him. "Don't say it."

**.x**

Don't say them.

_Those three words._

**.x**

It's like he's seeing her in a different light. He's so much more perceptive to her than he originally thought.

Those words – her words – bind him, lacing up his throat so he is mute.

Shaking, trembling, shuddering, Kurosaki Karin steps back, her action releasing his larynx.

"Karin."

**.x**

Her back faces him, and he misses her long locks of hair that would tumble afterwards, swaying to the breeze and falling like water to a waterfall.

Her hand turns the handle of the door, yet the door stays closed.

Her face gazes, meeting his, and he swears that he can see tears forming in her eyes. But when she blinks, the moment is gone.

"I can't deal with this. When I can… I'll be back."

**.x**

_Wait!_

**.x**

And the door is closed, the silent slam the sound of his heart breaking.

The hotel keys are left on the floor.

So are her car keys.

**.x**

He doesn't chase her. Doesn't know that's what she wants him to do.

Doesn't know that was the problem in the first place.

**.x**

_Lonely_.

That's the word he's been looking for to describe her. All this time, she's been lonely.

And even if he's here… he's not by her side.

**.x**

Sitting under a park bench, Kurosaki Karin leans back, eyes closed, beneath the flickering light of the lamp post. Smoke escapes from her lips, the cigarette disintegrating at her fingertips.

She hasn't smoked in a long time. It's not her thing to be honest. To die by tar filling up the lungs, corroding the blood? It's fucking unsexy and so not hot.

Only, it reminds her of _him._

The ghost of a memory long past.

**.x**

It's not a case of letting go, for her. It's a case of _accepting_ what's right in front of her.

Because that scares her.

**.x**

So much for keeping a cool head around Toushirou.

**.x**

The cigarette falls to the floor, but to Kurosaki Karin, it's like a body collapsing to the ground.

The smoke dies away, his breath fading away.

And the rain begins to fall.

**.x**

Droplets. Wet. Light.

They slide down her face, her neck, and her cold, cold hands. They drench her clothes; make it harder to walk, slowing down her pace, no matter how much her mind screams to rush to shelter. They soak up her hair, black locks of hair now clumpy; mirroring a water rat.

Raindrops are soothing.

They spill to the ground, like blood, like water, like the emotions one cannot see, draining Karin of all her anger and replacing her fiery emotions with calm logic, clear thinking and comforting thoughts.

As well as creating the mood that she's a fucking idiot for not bringing an umbrella and being so damn _cold._

But the best thing about the rain?

It's the fact that nobody can tell if someone's crying or the rain is simply on their face; obscuring the reality that some people live in.

**.x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou thinks about calling her, using her number for the very first time.

The television is chattering mindlessly, and all he's doing is staring at a phone that never rings.

And then someone knocks on the door.

… knocking the tune of Jingle Bells.

It's her.

**.x**

He opens the door slowly, soundlessly, his mouth twitching into a smile.

Because there she is.

**.x**

Pale. Barely lucid. Shivering.

"Hey. It took you long enough."

She's soaking wet and yet she can still smirk at him, though it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Toushirou… I think…"

**.x**

All he wants to do is get her out of those clothes and make sure that she's not going to get a fever, replenishing her healthy pallor.

Yet as she stumbles forward, her legs buckle beneath her and _fuck_—she's freezing cold!

Karin's voice is mumbling something, as he lifts her into his arms, getting quieter as she becomes more and more drowsy, her teeth chattering, her limbs shaking, and holding on to him for dear life.

**.x**

"… I think I made a mistake."

**.x**


	13. love for you

Her head hurts.

Light burns through her thick lashes, seeking to destroy her eyesight. And in that one moment, when the pain sears, a residing thought whispers that if Hitsugaya Toushirou was the last person Kurosaki Karin saw, she would be okay with that.

Wait.

Just one last time—

**.x**

Flicker. Flicker.

Blurry outlines surround her in shades of crimson black and honey white.

Cerulean blue whirls around the room, smearing with the cracks in the wall, the outline of the ceiling.

Everything is… dusty.

Yeah. That's how it is. That's how she is.

Dry. Decomposed. Dissolving.

_Dusty._

… it's cold.

She's cold.

… the duvet is cold.

His hand touches her forehead.

Cool.

Flutter. Flutter.

**.x**

"Fuck." Toushirou curses. "You're burning up. Why the hell didn't you grab an umbrella?"

Maybe Karin's not listening to his words, just the sound of his voice; perhaps she hasn't heard him, only the sound of her thoughts.

But she smiles, fragilely, before it breaks into the non-existent breeze.

**.x**

The damage is done, and now he has to deal with the consequences.

**.x**

It clicks. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it clicks.

Whatever 'it' is… he's seen it before.

**.x**

She feels like a doll, her face dressed in stone and plastic leaves.

Make up smeared and left to rot.

Hair dishevelled and falling free.

Light. Pathetic. Feeble.

It hurts to breathe.

And he picks her up, lifting her onto his knees, in his arms.

"Here. Drink this."

**.x**

Water.

It spills down her cracked lips, her parched throat, her empty lungs.

Ash.

Her… mouth is made of ash, decaying everything it swallows, ebbing away the sensation of _feeling_.

Light.

Blinding her; choking her; forever trapping her in cold darkness.

**.x**

_She has to stay warm._

_Has to stop shivering._

With these thoughts in mind, Toushirou hugs her, giving Kurosaki Karin his body heat.

For the moment; for a while longer; just so—

Just so she can get better.

**.x**

It's not his fault that he inhales the scent of her hair.

**.x**

… _he's here…_

Her heart swells, her heart sighs.

And if her cheeks are flushed, it's only because of the fever.

**.x**

But still—

_He's here._

**.x**

_living corpse  
_13 : love for you

**.x**

Chest rises.

Chest falls.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

Breathe in and out. In and out.

And repeat once more.

**.x**

Heavy eyelids flicker open, eliciting a slight moan, a slight groan.

Karin can hear her heartbeat in her ears.

Can feel Toushirou's hand entangled in her tresses; his body besides hers and on top of the duvet; his breath tickling her neck; slowly stirring as he shifts away from her, losing welcome warmth; and blinking as he rubs his blue, blue eyes, and curses under his breath.

"Fell asleep. Sorry."

_It's okay._ She wants to say. _I didn't mind._

Wants to add. _It's the fever talking. Fever's making me feel this way._

Knows that the fever both is and isn't.

But she's still so thirsty.

**.x**

It's like he's read her mind.

"Oh, fuck – there's no… just stay put, okay, Karin? I'll get some more water. Be back in a minute."

She's losing him, losing his blurry outline, his warmth, the feel of his skin, losing, losing…

Concern is laced in his breath, as he pushes back her fringe, tucking it behind her ear.

"I won't be long."

And he's gone.

**.x**

The door closes in the aftermath, but the echo resonates in the stillness left behind.

There is only one hotel key and it's hidden in her pocket.

The door will remain shut.

**.x**

She wants to move and curl up in a ball, wants to move and tumble out of bed, wants to move and snuggle deeper into the duvet.

"…"

Words fail her, dying before they are even formed.

Karin opens her eyes.

"… fine."

Karin closes her eyes.

**.x**

Opens.

"… am… fine."

Closes.

**.x**

"I am… fine." Rasping, her voice feels weak, ready to disappear.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

If you're going to tell a lie, make it a damn good one that can convince people.

"… I am…"

Yeah right.

**.x**

She's not.

Not in the sense that she can control her emotions whenever he's near her. Not in the sense that her body goes haywire near him.

The fever is killing her. But she's okay with that. She'll recover, and face another day driving too fast and thinking too slow.

It's nothing compared to Hitsugaya Toushirou.

**.x**

The door knocks, sending waves of pain throughout Karin's head. Her hands move to her ears, glad that she and Toushirou are on opposite sides. He can't see her; he can't know how she suffers.

"Oi! Karin! Open the door."

Her hands are clammy, her head hurts, her body refuses to move.

She can't.

She _won't._

**.x**

Delirium is talking, the moment of clarity amidst the madness.

It tells her that monsters are under her bed and beckon forth when the door opens, tells her that it creeps and crawls against her sweaty, sweaty skin and won't stop until she is eaten up.

Toushirou's name is caught in her throat.

But Karin doesn't say a word, mumbling in the pillow that she's fine, she's fine, and _oh_, she's not fine.

Not at all.

**.x**

This is love: she pushes him away.

**.x**

The knocks slow down, quieter than a whisper.

"C'mon. Please?"

His voice lowers, the edge of anger, desperation gone, vanished into thin air. There is only tiredness left.

Back pressed against the door, he sits.

There is nothing he can do. Except wait.

And think.

**.x**

Karin sinks into the bed.

… it smells just like him.

**.x**

The bright light of her phone stings her eyes; though she gazes through them darkly, in her glazed vision where only surface thought matter.

* * *

_Come visit, 'kay? – Pinta._

_

* * *

_

_Stop moping already! – Ryouhei_

_

* * *

_

_Beat Ryou-chan up please? He's so getting on my nerves. – Donny._

_

* * *

_

_My hair needs you! – Zu-kun._

_

* * *

_

_Love you babe, always._

_

* * *

_

Text messages, both old and new, they break her heart.

It's just another form of detached contact.

**.x**

Mistake.

She is no stranger to that word. Mistakes made her the person she is, mistakes made her grow and squirm, feel and learn.

She knows of many mistakes in her life. Temper tantrums, violent feuds, vengeful haircuts, unspoken words, undone actions, words said, malicious activity… they all have consequences. Some she regrets, others she does not.

But which is the biggest mistake of all?

**.x**

"_Toushirou… I think… I think I made a mistake."_

What does she mean?

One sentence can mean many things, like a prism that scatters light. It just depends on the angle, the where and when you look at it.

**.x**

Light as a feather; bright like wings.

Fly, soar, plummet down.

Dizzy, dizzy, in a tizzy.

Touch the sky, touch the sun, and smoulder.

Reach the ground and…

… remember to breathe.

**.x**

_I have to go back._ The thought flickers in her mind, back and forth, waking her from her dozy mind.

_Back to Tokyo._

_Back to them._

_Back to—_

_Where this began._

Because, she knows, that running away isn't the answer to everything.

_This has to end._

**.x**

And that thought alone gives her strength to emerge from her delirious dream.

**.x**

He waits because he is not leaving without her.

He waits because he is going to take care of her.

He waits because he loves her.

**.x**

This is love: he waits for her to let him in.

**.x**

It takes hours, it takes days, it takes minutes, it takes seconds.

But the door opens eventually, and there Karin stands; cold, warm, black-haired, blue-eyed, pale, rosy, small, vulnerable, herself, _beautiful_—

And she says:

"I'm sorry."

**.x**

The words 'what for' nearly slip past his mouth, but are held behind his teeth.

"Come in."

The door opens wider, and she's standing in pyjamas and the duvet wrapped around her.

"Thank you." Toushirou replies. "You really should rest."

**.x**

Tucking her into bed, Karin looks at him, gazing through and at him, feeble childlike hands tugging at his shirt.

"Stay with me."

**.x**

… he makes the nightmares go away.

**.x**

The sun rises and she's all better.

"Morning, sunshine." Karin grins between locks of fuzzy bed hair. "I see you finally woke up."

Toushirou merely moans, nestling deeper into her neck, his grip on her tightening unconsciously.

"… shut up."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask: where'd you get that bouncy ball?"

"Kid looked at me funny. I glared. He ran and dropped the ball. He started it. Not my fault."

She smiles, amused. "Of course not."

"…"

"… you're keeping it, aren't you?"

"Memento." Toushirou mumbles in her ear, still within the drowsy mindset.

**.x**

"Hey, thanks." Awkward, Karin looks down and puts her hands in her pockets. "For looking after me."

His smile is soft and unseen.

"Don't mention it."

**.x**

This is love, requited or not: something that does not have to be said, only understood.

**.x**

"So where are we going?" Strapping himself into the car, Hitsugaya Toushirou asks Kurosaki Karin.

The mirror flashes in blinding brilliance.

And she grins.

"Tokyo city, baby, Tokyo city."

**.x**


	14. vertigo

Awkwardness becomes them.

Once the happy-go-lucky feeling fade and reality settles in with sing-a-long songs on the radio and silence… there is something odd.

Between them. Concerning them. Distinguishing them.

Karin could continue listing alphabetical synonyms, but it's really not worth the effort.

**.x**

She is a person made of sunshine and smiles, swaying to music in the car, gazing out the window while avoiding car crashes.

He is a person that frowns and freezes, exploding on tempers and vaguely commenting on questions while trying to mull about anything important.

They are opposites yet refracted images of themselves. On the outside, it appears they couldn't be more different; but on the inside, they are more similar than they suspect, though they deal with issues differently.

And who can blame them, when they can act like children or grownups when the situation requires it, though one prefers the childish side of life and the other prefers the adult side.

Smile and smirk; push and pull; taunt and tease, however they interact, they find chemistry.

**.x**

The problem is that they now rest on the cusp of friends and lovers, neither one attempting to find out where they stand.

They are closer and further apart than they originally were.

**.x**

… so where do Kurosaki Karin and Hitsugaya Toushirou go from here?

**.x**

_living corpse  
_14 : vertigo

**.x**

Here's a list of what to do in these kinds of situations:

One – no touchy. Contact is an evil thing that makes both of them freeze and feel butterflies scuttle up their arm and everywhere else. Then an explosion of sorts would ricochet in their mind, fused with panic and apologies. Of course, what when in their mind did not necessarily come out; usually they merely shrugged and grinned before waving the problem away.

And buying shiploads of pocky.

Two – no talky. Chitchat of the aforementioned subjects – the kiss, the confession, the date, and other stuff that led to their unhappy downfall – is extremely forbidden. Perhaps discussion of the fever is alright… in passing. But who seriously wants to talk about getting sick and locking people out while voices blur the fringes of reality?

Three – no pocky eating in front of Toushirou. Or rather, Toushirou shouldn't look whenever Karin eats pocky sticks. The girl is too damn addicted to the stuff, and really, it's not her fault that he developed a crush on her… and she does not want the mental images. They burn! Burn!

… she needs a new addiction.

At least it's not as bad as lollipops?

**.x**

Life continues. And hey, it has its mishaps, but where's the fun without those bumps on the road?

He still buys her different flavoured ice creams, and she still gives him a ride to rediscover Japan. Among other things.

**.x**

"So. Sunny day."

"Yep."

"No clouds, it's nice."

"Yep."

"You wanna offer your input here at any time at all?"

"Nope."

"… what about Pop Quiz! Are you up for a game like that?"

"Nope."

"Aw, you're no fun, Toushirou."

**.x**

Five minutes later, the radio turns on.

**.x**

And off.

**.x**

And on.

**.x**

And—

"… are we seriously having an argument about the radio?"

"Well. To be fair, I'd call it a button war, since we're technically not talking while we're—_stop pressing the damn off button!_"

"Only if you stop pressing the on button." Nonchalantly, Toushirou replies, somewhat smug about her discomposure.

"Oh, crap."

"What?"

"Missed the turn."

"…"

"I blame you." Karin mutters, quite audibly.

Toushirou is visibly annoyed.

**.x**

This is precisely why the radio gets to sing for ten minutes.

**.x**

Sooner or later, they find a compromise – they get half an hour each, of silence or radio music, depending on whose turn it is.

And to prevent cheating (because Karin keeps _lying_ on when her half an hour stops and starts) they get stopwatches.

Fucking prude.

**.x**

Driving is either long and slow, short and fast, or a combination of both whenever the turn switches to the next person.

Before long, it mutually grates on their nerves, making both of them cheer when there's a pit stop. Internally and externally.

Though one sighs and the other shouts: "yahoo!"

… and they start the glaring contest once more.

**.x**

Eating has become significantly more gauche. Well… only to the regard that someone says "pass me that…" and fingers brush, thereby breaking Rule Number One and letting the consequences take place, which leads straight to Rule Number Three and making Karin more miserable than Toushirou.

Maintaining distance is very conscious; to avoid the other person seems like cowardice, to remain by the other person's side appears too clingy.

They are far too wary of each other for people who are not in high school.

Outsiders may find it cute, but to them it's just annoying.

**.x**

Her phone rings.

"Um…" Karin bites her lip. "… I'm gonna get that."

"Sure. It's your phone, your life – do what you like." Not meeting her eyes, slanting his head slightly so their eye lines don't reach, he agrees, nodding while he wades in their grey area, still unsure where they stand.

"Okay." Standing up, she walks away, not quite out of sight, but couldn't be heard.

It was a safety precaution, in case one of them bit the bullet and decided to jump. At least she has the car keys.

**.x**

Cursing, she flips her mobile open, grinning as the name registers.

* * *

**Incoming call.**

_Kurosaki Ichigo…_

* * *

"Nii-san, howdy. It's been a while, right?" Amusement laces through her voice as she reverts to being the youngest member of the Kurosaki family.

"_Yep, you could say that. Momo's getting even bigger, you really should see her."_

"Well. I will. At Yuzu's wedding. That's only like… a few weeks, right?" Shrugging, she waves away the resentful feeling that tightens around her chest. Karin has never been good at tracking the time.

"_Two."_ Ichigo informs her, sighing. _"What have you been doing with him? I'm surprised you haven't dragged him back decapitated, or a body bag, like you promised."_

"Ah. You found that letter, then."

"_Read it every day."_

"I'm flattered, and slightly disturbed." She laughs at his dedication and the raptness of his reply.

"_Shut up. You're my little sister; I have the right to care."_ Ichigo's scowling – Karin can tell.

"Never said you didn't, Captain Strawberry." Teasing, she uses her nickname for him.

"_Anyway, just giving you two weeks notice before you have to get here; I doubt Yuzu will be happy that her maid of honour is missing on __**her**__ wedding day."_ Is it just paranoia, or is Ichigo reprimanding her? There's a slight edge to his voice that Karin's never heard before.

"You can relax; I'll definitely be there for the proper wedding. You know I'll do anything for family." Gazing at the mirror, she can't help but fix her appearance. People to impress, people to ignore.

"_Alright."_ Ichigo relents his case. _"It's only a head's up. Don't get petty."_

Her eyebrow lifts at this. "Has Momo been driving you up the wall?"

"… _pregnancy is a slow and painful death wish. Oh, sure, it has its benefits, but man… does it have its detriments."_

"Save it for someone who cares. All I want to know is if my friend, big brother, and baby are going to be okay."

"_We'll be fine."_

"Glad to hear it." Nodding, she can at least be satisfied that two people are getting their happy-endings-so-far.

"_What about you? You fine?"_ Brotherly concern slips into his tone.

"Think you'd rip his head off if I told?" Offering him a challenge, Karin tilts her head sideways, before extinguishing that tangent of thought. "Nah, we're fine."

"_I'm asking about __**you**__, not Toushirou, Karin."_ Gentle, but stern, the youngest Kurosaki feels like a child again.

"Mm. Have to get back to you on that." Pursing her lips, Karin makes a noncommittal sound. "Rukia's gone, if that helps. She moved on when we were in Kobe."

"_That means Toushirou's doing okay then."_

"Yeah. He's doing okay." A blush rises as the memory teases her lips and she shakes her head in trying to undo the sensation, suddenly very glad that Ichigo cannot see her.

"_Hey, you haven't fallen in love with him have you?"_

* * *

_Beep… beep…_

**Call ended.**

* * *

"Wait. What?"

Karin blinks, wondering what had occurred. "Ah, fuck! He's going to get the wrong idea!" Panic spreads as she realized that she had pressed the disconnect button at the completely wrong moment.

Instantly, she redials.

* * *

**Calling Kurosaki Ichigo.**

_Beep… beep…_

* * *

"… _hello?"_ It's unclear whether his tone is disgruntled or amused.

"Nii-san, hey! Sorry about that. Guy bumped into me and my phone just… switched off."

"_Switched off."_

"Yeah!"

"_Right."_

"… you don't believe me, do you?" Karin pouts, tucking a black curl behind her ear.

"_Not at all."_

"Dammit. And I thought I was doing so well." Clicking her finger for further effect, she makes sure that Ichigo can hear it.

"_Sorry to burst your bubble, but I was afraid of this happening."_

"Fuck off." She scowls.

"_C'mon. You. Him. You guys are the childhood sweethearts that never were."_

"That's so _sweet_ of you of remind me." Slightly scathing, she replies, curiosity no longer allowing her to delay the inevitable. "Why'd you call?"

"_Wanted to know if you're coming to the wedding rehearsal."_

She considers this. "… Toushirou is."

"_But not you?"_

"I'll be there via mobile, speaker phone." Terse, she doesn't want to elaborate on the details of her newly formed plan.

"_Don't do this Karin. Karin—"_

"I don't want to be selfish, and letting him go is best thing to do." With regret, she sighs, her shoulders sagging at the thought.

"_Kami. It's __**okay**__ to be selfish once in a while. If it means that you can be happy, then so be it."_

Detached, she nods. "Alright."

She can sense his frown on the side of the line.

"_Bye, Karin."_ He sounds reluctant.

"_Ja ne,_ Ichi-nii."

* * *

_Beep… beep…_

**Call ended.**

* * *

Her hand shakes as she switches the phone off.

**.x**

It isn't until later that she realizes that she's called him 'Ichi-nii' to his face the first time since forever.

And she smiles. Laughs a little.

It feels good to call him that.

… calling him 'Nii-san' always did sound too frickin' formal.

**.x**

Something's different.

Maybe the sky's bluer. Maybe the grass is greener. Maybe Karin looks happier, and has a wider smile on her face.

… or maybe it's the fact that she's not in the driver's seat while in the car.

"What's going on?" Unsettled (more so than usual), he arches one eyebrow.

She mock-scowls, shaking her head in feigned frustration. "Didn't you hear me the first time?" Rolling her eyes, she pats her car, possibly as comfort for herself, as a goodbye request, lamenting the loss that may happen in the future.

"I want _you_ to drive the car."

Her happiness is scaring him. Or, at least, alarming him slightly.

"Are you sure?" Slow speech patterns may be the way to go to ensure a sanity check.

Her eyebrows furrow. Dark blue eyes narrow. She is not amused – and the thought relieves him. At least it's more real that the false joy.

"_Yes._ Listen, you can drive, and I'll pester you for free! I've been driving my baby for ages, and I've come to know you better—" Faltering at that, she strives to continue. "—and I've decided that I can trust you to drive my car. Get in, get in, drive, drive."

He does so, before raising a hopeful question.

"… so, the radio can permanently be off?"

"Don't push your luck." Karin is quick to answer that.

**.x**

He tries.

Karin begins to sing and hum, off tune, naturally, in retaliation. Dance moves appear from time to time.

… the radio goes back on.

Consequently, he finds a singing voice.

It's actually worse than Karin's.

**.x**

"So… I have to ask." The question gets to him, patience no longer able to restrain him.

Karin sighs, head downcast in dramatic doom. "Go on then. And we're so _close_ to Tokyo city."

"That night…"

"Which night? There are many nights in a year? Be specific, man." It's a desperate ploy to delay the expected.

"Fine." He directs his attention to the road, keeping one eye on her, jaw unsettling. "The night I kissed you—"

**.x**

Rules One, Two and Three are in direct conduct of being violated!

Traitor! Traitor! Traitor!

… oh shut up.

Something's got to give.

Running away from the main issue can't last forever.

**.x**

"—and told you…"

"… that you loved me…" Mumbling, Karin shifts in her seat, gazing out the window.

"… that I loved you, did I do anything else?"

**.x**

Moment of truth… drum rolls, please!

**.x**

"No." Shaking her hair, and tucking a strand behind her ear, she looks him right in the eye. "Nothing else happened. I told you to go to bed and I promised myself that when I'd wake up, I'd calmly tell you that it was all a dream."

"Shame that it didn't go to plan."

"Yeah, well… shit happens." Shrugging it away, Karin hopes that her indifferent façade is enough to fool him. "I didn't mean to overreact like that, and I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah. It's okay."

**.x**

There is silence, but it's a welcome and comfortable one, nestled in their bones.

**.x**

_This distance… between us… is for the best._

**.x**

Her grin widens as her eyes drink in the familiar sight, dimmed by the setting sun.

"Oh, hey! I can see Tokyo!"

Leaning in, and secured by the fastened seatbelt, she begins a mini parade.

"This is going to be so awesome."

**.x**

With über cool energy, she directs the way with enthusiasm, a different kind of vigour that's she's ever displayed in front of Toushirou.

"Karin."

"Huh?" Pausing in her tirade, she blinks, refocusing on the subject of the voice – him.

"Where are we going?"

A devious smile is what he receives.

"You'll see. Turn left, park the car… and we'll be there."

**.x**

"Oi, _bitch_! What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

**.x**

Toushirou frowns. Karin grins.

Subsequently turns, hands on hips, to the sound of that voice.

"Why do you think? It's to beat you up and cut Zu-kun's hair!" Pauses. Wrinkles her nose. And adds, in thought. "Also to eat Pinta's cake!"

"Really?" Snide, four voices unanimously say.

"Yeah, but it's mainly just to beat you up, Ryou-chan! As per Donny's request."

And the five of them laugh, leaving Toushirou completely out of the loop.

**.x**

"Kurosaki, good to see you again." The four tall, tall boys say, each in their own variation, pulled off with style.

One looks like a clown. One looks an arrowhead. One has two layers of different shaded hair. One has glasses.

They got nothing on Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"Oh?" The clown one, with frizzy, frizzy afro hair blinks, gazing away from their princess and at the uncomfortable and silent bystander. "And who's this?"

"Donny, tell me you recognise this potato!" Dragging Hitsugaya Toushirou by the arm, and much, _much_ closer than either one are comfortable with, she prods his face for further effect.

"Let me guess: another boyfriend?" The Black Arrow attempts to answer the question.

"Nah, can't say that I do." Donny shakes his head, before grinning. "Unless, he's for me?"

"I'll set you two up at a later date. You traitor, I thought you were mine!" Acting heartbroken to the extreme and gasping like a damsel in distress, Karin parodies horror, switching from one emotion to another.

"So, seriously, who is he?" The man with hair of two different colours asks, folding his arms.

"Hey, tell me you remember these guys!" Turning onto Toushirou, she cocks her head and observed his reaction.

"… not really." The answer is slow to come, and he almost wants to apologize for his memory, if it weren't for the fact was that he has no idea who the heck these guys are and why they know Karin.

"Well damn. And here I was, rooting for happy reunions." Shaking her head, she waltzes into the embrace of her friends.

The arrowhead man, black hair and black eyes, but tall and lanky like a runner bean. "This is Toujouin Heita. Pinta."

The man with rectangular glasses and hair as brown as a walnut is next. "This is Usaka Kazuya. Now called Zu-kun."

The one with two shades of hair colour and bushy eyebrows. "This here is Toba Ryouhei. Ryou-chan for short."

And finally, is the clown-faced man, goofy but attractive. Chubbier, but good-natured. "And finally, Uehara Kei. Donny."

**.x**

Huh.

Are they really _those_ people from before?

He hasn't talked to them since… since Karin didn't talk to him.

Because they were far more loyal to Kurosaki Karin than they were to Hitsugaya Toushirou.

**.x**

"You look surprised. Don't tell me she showered you with sunshine and glitter up till now?" Pinta arches one eyebrow.

Karin looks a little sheepish, to her credit.

"Oh, you poor bastard. You have no idea who the real Kurosaki Karin is." Toba Ryouhei is snarky, snickering.

"Shut up." Without regret, Karin whacks him, getting him in the chest. "I haven't introduced him to you."

"Fine. Get on with it." Usaka Kazuya rolls his eyes, glasses flashing.

"This is Hitsugaya Toushirou."

And the crowd goes wild.

**.x**

"No way!"

"Seriously?"

"He's still got that fucking hair colour!"

"Why the heck are you with him?"

Karin grins, shrugging as she fits into place with her friends, the old soccer gang. "Well. 'Cause I wanted to help him out. So, what are you guys doing?"

The group shifts, glancing at each other.

"Well—"

"—we were—"

"—picking up chicks—"

"—but now—"

"—you're here—"

"—we can—"

"—party?" Karin arches one eyebrow, her grin almost like a predator. "Okay, maybe some other time."

"Oh, yeah, totally!" Donny nods, eyes on Toushirou. "For you, sweetheart, we'll do anything."

"Thank you very much, Donny, but no matter how nice you are, you're never going to date Toushirou." Karin laughs, falling into his side.

"So, spill, Kurosaki. What did you want?" Ryouhei folds his arms, slightly pissed that the plan for tonight had been changed; but happy that he got his friend back.

"Well…"

**.x**

Jealousy claws at his heart, resentment too.

These are – were his friends from the past, and with them… with them… Karin radiates happiness, basking in confidence and settled in her skin.

Not like him. Not like how she acts toward him.

But she smiles at him, one that reaches her eyes, and he remembers that he knows a side of her that they – Zu-kun, Ryou-chan, Donny and Pinta – don't know.

And suddenly, it doesn't seem so bad.

**.x**

Her grin is a mixture of mischief and mirth.

**.x**

"… I was kinda hoping you'd let us crash at your place for a while?"

**.x**


	15. the cookie crumbles

Shit happens.

No matter what transpires, what life you live, what hand you are dealt.

Shit _has_ happened, shit _is_ happening and shit _will_ happen.

It comes in the form of a phone call, in the form of a person you once knew, in the form of something that sends shivers down your spine.

But you know what? That doesn't matter.

What _does_ matter is how you deal with it, taking advantage or disadvantage of the situation and making it work in your favour or against it.

Because depending on that determines the type of life you live.

**.x**

And right now, what matters is that Ryouhei – mean, foul-mouthed, narcissist Toba Ryouhei, is giving Kurosaki Karin a piggyback ride.

For the record: Donny _did_ offer Hitsugaya Toushirou one as well, but he respectfully declined.

Or rather, just stared. And glared. Right there.

… _that_ was the person they knew and loved.

**.x**

"Okay men! Listen up, we are going pave the way for mankind to move forward, and for that, we need our _times tables._" Karin cheers, hand up in the air like the Statue of Liberty, without the torch.

"Whoa, watch it, Kurosaki. If you don't, then I'm going to drop you." Ryou-chan scowls, trying hard to maintain his balance.

"Gotcha. Okay, first… Toushirou – six times six is what?" Snapping her fingers in his direction, she waits for his answer.

"Thirty six." Instantly, he replies.

"Wrong! Correct answer… ba-dum-dum, Zu-kun?" Karin drums on Ryouhei's shoulders.

"A hundred and fifty-two." Kazuya smirks.

"Right on! Next one, Donny, eight times two equals?"

"Three!"

"_Damn straight."_

And so it continues, the weird flaw of mathematics, and how the wrong answer is the right one, up until they reached the apartments of the reunited soccer gang, because it's what they did to pass the time. Or at least, when Karin is with them.

The lesson to be learned: mankind is idiotic, and only through their mistakes will they realize that nobody fucking cares anyway. That's progress.

So sit back, relax and make sure that you enjoy the ride of headless horsemen and carriages while disintegrating graveyard ghosts.

Who says that love, life, _or_ friendship, has to make sense anyway?

**.x**

"Right, men. We're here. At the apartments. So, is there anything we need to know?" Karin says, dismounting and brushing the dust off her clothes; a grin easily forming on her face, matching the way she slips into her role of being their leader.

"Uh, not really." Pinta thinks for a minute. "I live in this apartment with Donny, and Ryou-chan and Zu-kun live in the apartment next to us."

"Ah. You moved." Karin notes, with a noncommittal noise. "What happened there?"

"Ryouhei decided that Donny's too messy to live with. And boom! Our _Odd Couple_ dream vanished." Kazuya supplies, glasses flashing. "So, I went in place of him and live there now."

"Oh." Toushirou says, for lack of better say.

"… yeah." Toba Ryouhei looks away, mildly wondering if he should eat the chewing gum stowed in his pocket. "So, who's living where?"

There's a pause.

**.x**

Blue eyes meet.

Karin nibbles on her lip.

Toushirou shifts.

And the moment is gone.

**.x**

"Um…" Karin tucks back her hair behind her ear. "I'm going to live with Donny and Pinta. That okay with you?"

"Yeah. Fine. Why wouldn't it be?" Blank, Toushirou replies.

"Just checking." Shrugging, Karin turns away, as if it's no big deal.

Donny's eyebrow arches, amused and unseen.

**.x**

Once everything is settled and unpacked, the most attentive out of the group decides to seek out his queen. With a smile on her lips and a hum in her throat, she pulls the sheets over the sofa.

"Hey."

Turning sleepily, she tilts her head as faint bemusement. "Donny, hey, you alright?"

"You're going to bed already?"

"Yeah." Not even bothering to stifle a yawn, Karin nods. "Don't be a worrywart; I'm here for a while. I won't be gone when the sun rises. You have to remember that I have a prisoner here, and I'm not leaving without him."

"Karin…"

Flinching slightly, she looks away, not liking the tone of her best friend.

"You like him, don't you?"

"…"

**.x**

_Shut up._

**.x**

"You do."

The silence is swallowing her, confirming his answer.

Listlessly, she relaxes into the sofa, back finding a comfortable spot with the cushions.

"Karin."

**.x**

Karin.

Karin.

_Karin._

_Shoot me._

**.x**

"Say something." Donny murmurs, touching her shoulder.

It feels wrong. His touch. His warmth. The colour of his eyes. The shade of his hair.

Everything.

Anything.

All of it.

Wrong.

"He's not Renji, you know."

"… I know." Karin mumbles, her dark eyelashes moist. "I know."

**.x**

"So. What are you going to do?"

"About what?" Blinking, Hitsugaya Toushirou asks, slightly surprised at the question.

"You. Karin. The whole situation." Ryouhei flatly answers, folding his arms into his chest.

"And _do not_, for one second, mister, play ignorant." Kazuya nods, pulling a serious face and failing spectacularly. "We've known Karin for a long time, and you – for that matter, though not as well since… you know. _That_. Anyways, we know you haven't the dirty deed yet, so, again, I ask—"

"—_we_ ask—" Ryouhei cuts in.

"_We_ ask." Zu-kun corrects. "What are you going to do?"

"And if you say 'ignore it', then you are so going to get a punch in the face, damn the repercussions." Toba Ryouhei all but snarls. "Last time that happened we lost our best player—"

"—second best—"

"Right. _Second _best player. And we… we weren't the same after that." Ryouhei's voice lowers, almost embarrassed by the memories. "And of course, since we had pledged our alliance to Kurosaki Karin, we couldn't really talk to you."

"Well, we _could_ but, really, we shouldn't. Not fair to her. Our leader, our sister." Zu-kun shrugs, not helping.

"Enough with the hero worship, Zu. She's rejected you enough for you to call it quits." Ryouhei mocks with a sideways glance. "Back to you, Toushirou."

"Um, talk?" Honestly, the situation with Karin is… complicated. Thoughts don't cross his mind as easily as he hopes whenever he's with her.

Ryouhei snorts, immediately derisive. "Oh, we got real Romeo here. _Talk_ he says. He's been travelling with her for _kami-sama's_ sake for however long, finds out that he has a thing for her after all, and how does he show his new found affection? _Fucking talk._"

"What you gotta do, is snog her senseless." Usaka Kazuya advises.

… it's pretty sound advice.

**.x**

Damn, he's tired.

And so, with a yawn, he stands up, muttering, that he'll do it in the morning.

That is, before his legs buckle before him and he's instantly caught by the two men.

"… you gave him alcohol." Zu-kun observes.

"Not like you didn't do the same." Ryouhei shrugs. "Git deserved it. Breaking her heart and all that rot; we suffered because of him."

"Aye. Revenge comes at last. And, we're finally making her realize that he's the one." Kazuya nods.

There is silence.

"… you fucking sap."

"Shut up."

Clearly, Toba Ryouhei, is not a romantic.

**.x**

"You know what, Donny?" Karin decides, with merriment in her voice. "Tomorrow, I'm going to get smashed."

"Night, Karin." Donny smiles, turning the light off.

**.x**

She dreams of dragons, flying in clear blue skies.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_15 : the cookie crumbles

**.x**

The morning does not go well. Well. For Hitsugaya Toushirou, who sleeps in the sofa, who awakens to the knocking of the door, knows his mornings have never _quite_ been normal since meeting Kurosaki Karin and agreeing to go on a road trip.

But nonetheless, he opens the door, still drowsy and in part of his slumber, remembers the _sound_ advice that makes complete sense.

Especially, if she's wearing _his_ oversized t-shirt and revealing some very nice legs.

How she has them is another story.

"Karin." With a yawn, he opens the door.

"Morning sunshine." Extremely enthusiastic, she steps forward, dancing in her underwear. "How ya been?"

"Stay right there." Determined to carry this out, he cups her cheeks and—

**.x**

_Kiss her senseless._

_That's what I plan to do._

**.x**

—_splat!_

**.x**

Is that… carrot cake? On his face?

Actually, it's pretty tasty but still.

_Pinta's a really good cook._

He. Can't. See.

**.x**

"Whoa, I guess _someone_ was eager for Pinta's patisserie." Laughing, Karin grins, removing the plate (and cake), and observing the mark left on his face. "You know what? I think you look even better with this decoration." Leaning in to lick his cheek, she adds. "Tastier too."

His face burns like the sun erupting into supernova.

And off she skips, into the apartment of Ryou-chan and Zu-kun, ready to beat them till they grovelled and remembered who's boss. _Her._

A face palm is both necessary to remind Hitsugaya Toushirou that he's an idiot in the morning and to wipe his face clean.

"Morning Toushirou. I see you already got her greeting." Pinta smirks. "Did you like the cake?"

"It's fan-fucking-tastic." And with that, the morning beauty, the icy dragon, slams the door shut.

**.x**

"_And that is why you don't mess with me, boys!"_

**.x**

… throwing Kurosaki Karin out of the apartment ten seconds later.

Like a ninja.

**.x**

Bowling is fun. Really.

If you don't count the commentary—

"_Kami_ – how could you miss such an _easy_ shot?"

"You are so awesome, you know that?"

The bargaining with the bowling ball—

"Go left, left I say, I say I say I say! Yay, you went left! I love you!"

"A little bit more to the right – the right, not that – not that way! _Why?_"

The criticism about your skills—

"Put your soul in it, and _aim_, dammit!"

"Strike it out, twinkle toes!"

And the lame handshake thing that people get when they have a strike, or half strike.

"Woo."

It has wiggly fingers and bumping fists.

If that doesn't bother you—

"Oh yeah, winner takes us to their favourite pub of choice and pays!"

—then it's a truly wonderful game.

**.x**

"Drink up, guys!" Karin cheers, later, at the pub, cheeks rosy.

"On three: _three!_" Four of them cry.

"_Kanpai!_"

Toushirou sigh, a little hopelessly.

The loser has to stay sober, and drive them back to the apartments.

Karin totally rigged it for him to maintain consciousness.

**.x**

"So, where'd you go?" Zu-kun slurs slightly.

"Me? Well, I went abroad… to Europe, I think. Good times," Karin replies in reminisce, smiling softly, dimple dancing. "Then, I went back to Karakura—"

"And how was it?" Pinta inquires, head on his hands. "Haven't been there for a while."

"Meh. The usual. Same old, same old." Karin shrugs, one arm around Toushirou. "Ne, Toushirou?"

Slowly, Toushirou nods, his arm around her waist to secure her balance. Apparently, she falls off her chair quite easily when tipsy. It's happened twice already.

"Yeah."

"Alright. Glad to see we're on the same page." The raven haired lady grins. Then frowns. "You guys are coming to wedding, right?"

"Yuzu's? Yeah, totally." Donny nods, eying the yummy bartender. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"—and then, then what happened?" Leaning back, she tilts her head in Toushirou's direction, the alcohol making her lose track of her tale.

"You picked me up and we set on our travels to rediscover Japan." Word perfect, the white-haired man recites.

"Thaaaa's right." Karin slurs, fist slamming on the table. "'Cause we're all for looking at beauty in the ordinary."

Ryouhei chuckles. "Time to go, I think."

"Yeah?" Toushirou lifts one eyebrow. "Why?"

"Main rule is to ensure protecting our girl. Especially when she sets her sights on someone. Gotta make sure she doesn't embarrass herself." Kazuya explains, rubbing his eyes slightly. "Though she will, anyways."

"You guys are so loyal." Toushirou comments, agreeing with the sentiment. "Alright, let's go."

"Way… wait _jus'_ a second." Karin stands up suddenly, swaying though her grip remains firm on Toushirou's shoulder. "_One_ more drink. _One._"

There's a pause.

"It's your call." Pinta shrugs, sipping more of his _sake._ "Though it's better if you do."

"Alright. Fine." Toushirou acquiesces.

"Just one, though." Donny warns.

"Yay!" She snuggles into him, arms wrapped around Toushirou's neck, the moment lasting far too long.

**.x**

"Eh?" Karin blinks, maintaining balance only via Toushirou. "What do you mean, you're staying behind?"

"Exactly what it means. Man stuff." Ryou-chan scowls.

"Yeah, but… Shirou's a man, right?" Wobbling, she pokes said person and pulls his hair. "This yummylicious guy _has_ to be a man."

"I _am_ a man." Toushirou growls, though amused at her drunken antics.

"See? He admits it." Karin giggles, face flushed.

"_Real_ men." Zu-kun explains. "He's a wooden boy."

That totally makes sense.

"Okay! Have fun. Make sure you get a taxi – and Toushirou will let you in." Stumbling, she turns to go, Toushirou as her support. "Bye guys."

"Later." The four soccer players mumble, sighing and relaxing into another cup of _sake._

The door opens, the door shuts.

And the two sweethearts that never were have left the building.

"So? Who's up for poker?" One of them pipes up.

"We're fucking drunk." Ryouhei grimaces. "You really think we can play it when we don't have a deck?"

"Ah well, we gave them our blessing." Donny shrugs. "They're finally going to make things right."

**.x**

"… I don't get it."

"What?" Toushirou asks, giving her a sideways glance from the corner of his eye.

"You." Karin says, voice thick, semi-aware that she's stopped moving and Toushirou is dragging her anyway.

"Okay, what about me?"

"Why do you like me? How are you such a great kisser? And why… why didn't you follow me?" Slumping into his warm, and stealing every piece she can get, she waits for his answer with bated breath, as much as she can with her sodden mind.

"Because… you're Karin. I like how you put a sarcastic spin to things and motivate people. I like how you change the flavour of ice cream every single time. I like how you're short and pixie-like with a killer edge. I like how you change the mood and become the life of the party. I like you… because you're _you._"

"Aw, you're so sweet." And suddenly, she's not by his side but below his head, reaching up, and taking his face and meeting his with hers. Eyes almost glazed, she murmurs against his ear, "I've wanted to do that for so long, Toushirou."

**.x**

It's tempting.

_Kami,_ it's _tempting_—

To just take her there and then, never mind about all her friends, never mind about everyone else, it's just—

It's just him and her and the things they should have done so long ago.

But—

_But_…

… it's just the alcohol talking. It has to be. It must be.

So why would the alcohol lie?

Unless… unless she really wanted to do it.

Lean in—

**.x**

But the moment is gone.

**.x**

And she's on the floor, giggling about butterflies and hurricanes that swirl through her.

_Damn it._

**.x**

"Come on. Let's get you to bed." Picking her up, he curses his restraint that should have broken at an earlier date, his arm at her waist, her arm looped round his neck, and moves forward.

Yet Karin, her head lolling and still conscious, is not satisfied. Sluggish thoughts stir through her mouth, not quite as articulate as she prefers.

"You shouldn't."

"Get you to bed?" Toushirou arches one eyebrow. "I think I should."

They both know she wasn't talking about that.

"No… I mean." Gestures fall to the floor, never to be reclaimed, heavy on her hands. "You shouldn't like me."

The apartment door opens.

"Why?"

They make their way through the door, and oh, it's getting ever so hard, ever so hard to…

"Because…"

**.x**

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up. Now._

_Don't want to. Let him know. Have to. Let. Him. Know._

But everyone knows, that the heart rules out the mind under a drunken stupor.

**.x**

"… I killed Rukia."

**.x**

The world freezes, an icy wonderland.

**.x**

And she laughs, bitterly, brokenly, not at all amused.

"Car crash, you know? That was us, the other car… though I was the one behind the wheel. I thought I saw her. One last time. Convinced myself that it was someone else. But then… a month later, when I returned to Karakura, I found out that she died. And I knew that I killed her. Well, that taught us a bit of responsibility. Never to go drink driving. Fucking idiots, that's what we were. And then… then I saw her."

Karin slips, stumbling forward onto the sofa, flopping just before it.

"_Kami_, she was beautiful. Just the same as I knew her before… before I…" She breaks off from the thought. "And so I asked her, if I could do anything for her. One thing. Do you know what she said? Do you?"

**.x**

_Fuck._

_Fuck no._

_Just shut the hell up—_

But she won't.

And he isn't going to stop her.

**.x**

"She said… to take care of you." Her voice is lower than a whisper, quieter than a mouse as she spills secrets faster than tears can fall. "And I said yes."

She stops, chuckling humourlessly, her voice fading into the silence.

"You were… a job."

Something's broken, smashed into tiny shattered shards, and he just doesn't give a damn.

"A simple, fucking, stupid job."

A laugh.

"That's all."

A smile.

"That's all you were supposed to be."

A tear.

"Bet you don't like me now."

**.x**

By the time he looks up, digesting the last, _last _piece of information, she's already asleep.

**.x**

Shit happens.

No matter what you say, no matter what you do, shit happens.

You can't avoid it, but you can deal with it.

**.x**

When Karin wakes up, there is a blanket on top of her, wiping away her dried tears.

**.x**

She doesn't talk, once she remembers what has happened the previous night, cursing under her breath.

She ignores her friends who look at her with sympathetic eyes, brushing away their healing touch, their comforting presence.

Words fail her now.

**.x**

The door opens, and there he is, face blank and indifferent, and there she is, sitting on the counter, desperately hoping for another cup of coffee.

But not once does Hitsugaya Toushirou take notice of Kurosaki Karin.

**.x**

And the silence burns between them.

**.x**


	16. what you wanna be

Pitter, patter.

It's the sound of a heart breaking apart, the sound of rain clinging to the window, slowly sliding down cracked transparent panes.

Traced footsteps, washed away by the backlash of the sea, only shadows remain, broken crevices on ivory shores.

Stones that skim across the surface, apparently weightless, sink into the ocean.

Liquids slip past the mountain of flesh, flushed from the tainted pink seashell.

But that which falls—what is it?

A raindrop? A stone? A tear?

When you turn away, is it because you cannot bear to watch the person you love shatter, or is it because you don't care any more?

**.x**

The morning after is always a curious one.

It grants wishes that turn into fishes; makes a beautiful melody turn into a terrible disaster and… and sometimes it makes people come undone.

Through words, open honesty; through actions, true emotions; the undercurrents that never would surface otherwise.

And sometimes, sometimes… it turns the world to ice.

**.x**

All those pretty chandeliers, made of friendship and love, each angle born from something different, something tangible, splinter into the breeze.

Because everything you've done, the legacy of everyone turns to dust.

Yet you find yourself once more in ruin.

**.x**

It's the moment you learn to breathe again.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_16 : what you wanna be

**.x**

"Do you hate me?"

Karin breaks the silence, gaining the attention of Toushirou. Whether it's with a steely gaze or a hollow glare, she will face him and confront her fears.

But he doesn't answer.

And, just like before, she is cast into the memory of a girl who didn't know what she wanted and where she stood.

**.x**

_Static._

_Inertia._

_The realm of not knowing—_

_**What do you mean to me?**_

_The darkness binds her._

**.x**

_In the dark, caught between the shades of grey, continuously wondering where they stand, and what their relationship is._

_The feelings gathered in her chest elate and depress her, as she stays awake, simply breathing, with the cover of night as her shield._

_It's his fault that she begins to sleep at school…_

_But then, such is the way of love._

**.x**

"Answer me." Like before, her voice is quiet, very subdued compared to her normal boisterous tone.

For the life of him, he just can't answer. How can he, if so many emotions run through his frozen veins?

**.x**

Anger. Sadness. Fear. Disgust.

They course under his skin, eating away at Hitsugaya Toushirou.

But _other_ feelings, soft and tender, delicate as glass, are not so willing to shatter as one might believe…

Joy. Happiness. Acceptance. Understanding.

Even…

Even love.

**.x**

"Is that a yes, or a no?" There is a smile in her voice, one that exists through invisible tears.

Her fingers drum on the counter, quiet, ever so quiet at first, before gaining volume, filling up the silence between them.

"What's the reason you _dislike_ me?"

_Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-tap-ta-tap._

"Is it because… I made a lie of omission? Not telling you about Rukia being a ghost?"

_Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-tap-ta-tap._

"Or because… I took care of you, and you were only a job to me?"

_Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-tap-ta-tap._

"Maybe, maybe it's not that." Karin muses, voice thoughtful, silkily covered in jibes, aiming for a reaction. "Not that at _all…_"

_Tap-tap-ta-tap. Tap-tap-ta-tap._

"Is it because despite everything, you still fell in love with me, ne, Toushirou?"

He tenses.

"Oh, did I hit too close to home?" Provoking him, she waits for him with indifference as her shield.

He snaps.

**.x**

Kurosaki Karin has always been perceptive, seeing things in a different light, aware of things that people miss.

Be that as it may, there are other things that she is oblivious too, others that find it obvious information.

And by that right, Hitsugaya Toushirou, governed by his fury, ignores the subtlety woven in her words.

**.x**

"Would you get a hold off yourself?" Shouting, his voice acts like a whip, pure, unadulterated _rage._ "Why the fuck do you have to be so… so…"

"Self-centred? Vain? Machiavellian?" Blithe, Karin supplies word for him.

"Exactly!" Furious, Toushirou bellows, leaning forward slightly. "Why did you have to—"

His breath catches, and he is well aware that Karin is not so stupid as to feign ignorance.

"—what?" Closer and closer, she steps towards him, sliding off the chair. "Take care of you? Pull you out of that slump? Live? You had the choice." Her voice changes pitch, rising and lowering as her emotions slip past her, colourless cheeks colouring. "You could have _stayed_ there. Karakura. That backwater town. It was your choice."

"Was it, now? And what about Rukia?" His voice becomes controlled, more neutral, careful to not let anything slip.

"I would have stayed, had you asked." Quiet, Karin admits. "If you wanted to remain… I would have let you. But Rukia, you never asked. Not once. Murmured her name in your sleep, sure. But you never did ask. Implied, maybe. Directly, never."

"But you said—" Incredulous, Toushirou recalls the conversation that they held when she was drunk. "—that 'this'—" gesturing at himself and her "—was because I was a job – and yet, in Karakura you said because we used to be friends. Which of them was true?"

"Both. Rukia _did _ask me, and you _were_ a friend. Before… all that mess… you were my friend. And you helped me when 'Kaa-chan died. You helped me in a way no one else could. So, really, I'm just repaying the favour. To Rukia, to you. If you hate me…" Shrugging as if it doesn't matter, though it crushes her internally, she sighs. "… so be it."

"You don't mean that."

"Is that what you think? Fine. But this isn't about me, it's about _you_." Twisting the focus on him, she asks him, blazing with fire. "And you never answered my question."

"Does it really need answering?"

And she smiles, a bitter catlike grin, lidded eyelids hiding eyes that know too much, eyes that have seen too much.

"Humour me."

**.x**

_She's so close._

He can smell her, taste her, feel her beneath his skin, corroding, corroding all his defences.

"I—"

And suddenly, they are gone.

**.x**

It's more of an attack, than anything else.

A fusion of what is, what will be, and what should have always been.

Teeth against teeth, tongues and lips unite, exploring uncharted territory in the mind of the sober.

Hands are on his hair, neck, chest, clothes, his, hers, _who's?, does it even matter?,_ pulling, tugging, tugging, tugging—

—_and it's not enough._

**.x**

They both want this.

Despite—despite everything.

They _want_ this.

**.x**

"Oh, my eyes! My eyes! They _burn_!"

"You promised that you'd use the bed, Karin! Not the flipping carpet!"

Dishevelled, Karin and Toushirou break apart, both as flustered as each other. As if zapped by lightning, they stand miles apart.

Coughing, Karin smoothes out her rumpled shirt, covering her midriff once more; not catching Toushirou's eyes, who is likewise tidying himself up and careful not to meet the eyes of Pinta and Donny.

There is no way that she can be composed after being interrupted like that.

"I… I… um… have to go." Almost immediately bursting into a run, she slips past her two boys, shoulders knocking as she rebuffs them out of her way.

Crickets chirp for a while.

Toushirou avoids looking at anything that resembles Kurosaki Karin. That includes looking at his friends.

"Dude." Pinta arches one black eyebrow. "What _happened?_"

**.x**

Ryouhei catches a tear fall down her cheek, flying in the cloud of black.

His fists curl.

_No one makes his princess cry._

**.x**

"This is so fucked up." Karin whispers to herself as the crowd parts for her to walk through. "So… so… fucked up."

She doesn't care about how she looks – radiant, ruined, teary, tarnished – it's not about them, it's about _her._

But really, really, it's about – it's _always_ been about _him._

She doesn't know where she's going, but she knows she's going in the right direction.

Her footsteps will lead her back to Abarai Renji.

**.x**

Ryouhei bursts the door open, looking for blood to spill.

"Where the fuck is he?"

Silence.

But he once he catches sight of Hitsugaya, he instantaneously sees red.

And his tempers is unleashed, Karin's tears the key.

**.x**

_Wham!_

**.x**

Hitsugaya does not even try to defend himself, consumed in the aftermath of Karin's departure.

**.x**

"You stupid idiot! You were supposed to – supposed to—" Full of ire, Ryouhei roars, not thinking properly, about what he wants to say, about what he _should _say, and so he freezes, hand tingling as he stares at Hitsugaya, nose bloody.

"What? What was I supposed to do?" Almost monotonously he speaks, voice nasal.

And the words, garbled, tempestuous words unfurl through Ryouhei's mind.

**.x**

—_to take care of her._

—_to help her._

—_to make her happy._

**.x**

And all he says is this, simple and clear:

"You were supposed to chase her."

"Ryou—"

"She killed my girlfriend, Kuchiki Rukia! And you – you expect me to _chase _her? Why? To kill her? To make her fucking miserable?"

"Aw, fuck it." Pinta scowls. "That really was Rukia_._"

"We were drunk… accidents happen." Donny tries to explain, falling flat. "It's not her fault. It really was… just an accident."

"Fuck that shit. What's passed has passed, and it's about time you got that stick out of your ass and started moving _forward._ 'Cause from what I've heard is that you've been moping like a whiny bitch. And Karin? Karin's been doing you a _favour_; she's been helping you despite her guilt. That's retribution and you're just going to throw a hissy fit? Fuck that, Toushirou! Grow up and be a man!"

And maybe it's the emotion in Ryouhei's eyes, the anger that seethes in the air that renders Hitsugaya Toushirou speechless.

"Listen, Karin's a girl. And she's weird. We get that. But you know what? Sometimes you got to let go and let good things come to you and other times… you've got to chase and never, ever let them go." His fist grabs Hitsugaya's shirt, nearly tearing the material. "Have you ever fucking _chased_ her before, like there's nothing to life except her – because really, that's what she's wants. To know that she's worth it!"

Releasing him, Ryouhei exhales, spitting on the ground.

"… I should have known that you weren't _him._"

"Ryouhei…" Donny sighs, hands in his pockets. "Don't."

Here's the thing about Ryouhei: he has a hard head. Things have to be pummelled into him, and Karin will do so without remorse. But always with a smile and twinkle in her eye – it's for his own good.

"Who?"

They ignore him. It's not their story to tell, its Karin's.

Toba Ryouhei exhales.

"Listen up and listen well!" Reining in his anger, his temper so he doesn't cause another bloody nose, Ryouhei wipes his hands. "I am giving you one last chance to clear up this mess. And I am not going to apologize—" Unless Karin makes him. "—so shut your fucking trap! _This _is the reason you guys fell apart before, don't do it again! Fucking follow her, get it together, and be the freaking lovey-dovey couple that you two were always meant to be with violence in between! She's the best damn thing that you've got in a shit thing called life and you know what? Fucking tell her that!"

Ryouhei stops his tirade, breathing heavily.

"It's not always about you, you know."

**.x**

When Hitsugaya Toushirou speaks, it's not though he's forgiven her, but he's understood Karin a little bit better.

"So where is she?"

**.x**

And that, Karin's friends are pleased to say, is something that they can tell Toushirou.

**.x**

She's here.

The clouds darken.

It looks like it's going to rain.

Kurosaki Karin guesses it doesn't matter if it does.

**.x**

Long after the door slams behind him, Pinta, Donny, Ryouhei are left standing in the empty apartment.

"… you are _such_ a sap." Pinta teases, smiling idiotically alongside Donny. "I always knew you cared about them."

"Shut up." Cheeks red and hot like a furnace, Ryou-chan scowls. "Where's Kazuya?"

Donny glances out the window.

"Still drunk and making out with a lamppost as we speak."

**.x**

_Abarai Renji._

It's a pitiful grave for one who was bright and filled with colour. At least it stands proud and tall, just like he did, without the tattoos. Renji wasn't the tidiest of men, always slightly scruffy, no matter his best efforts, but no matter what, he always put his heart in everything he did.

Karin grins, as the memories pass her by, embedded in flickers of raindrops.

Another smile, meant to break away into the abyss in the forgotten.

"I'm glad, you know? That you chose to move on, and you didn't become a ghost; that made me happy. Kinda. Made me unhappy too, but with death, you can't have one without the other. Whatever form it takes."

She is talking to a grave, and she doesn't care who hears her, because the person who needs to hear the most isn't there.

"I did love you. Even though I hated you for that, I did, truly love you."

Her hands tremble, feeling the light brush of his long fingers against the palm of her hand, and her hands recall the shape of death, small and black.

"I understood it; you always wanted to go out with your own style of choice. We could have been stupid Russians, jumping off airplanes without parachutes, 'cause the ground looked so soft. Or drowned while escaping sharks and being swallowed whole by whales. A car chase would have been fun, exhilaration running through our blood."

A sigh, and Karin sits, gazing at the statue that only held a name and grey ashes.

"We were young and we were foolish, and with our hot tempers we brought the best and worst out of each other. But… I think you knew, always, secretly, that I was never yours, but…"

The rain tastes like isolation claiming despair. It slips past her eyelashes.

"… hey, we had a good time. That's what mattered, right?"

She doesn't care if the world sees her cry.

**.x**

"_It has to be you… because I love you, and I don't want you to see me suffer."_

"_Remember, you promised me, so grant me this."_

"_If I had to die, I'd want to do it with you in my arms, aiming straight for my heart, 'cause the kind of person you are."_

**.x**

… _bang._

**.x**

She can't break her promises… not even for him.

**.x**

It takes seconds, it takes minutes, it takes hours, it takes days, but somewhere along the line of memory and the present, Karin realizes that she's been shielded from the rain, drumming on an umbrella instead.

Looking up, her wide blue eyes drink in the scene, and Hitsugaya Toushirou is by her side, holding it up with an indifferent look on his face.

"You found me." Speaking in a quiet voice, trying to not let it tremble, she offers a smile. "How'd you do that?"

"Friends told me." He informs her, with a glint of concern. "Ryouhei punched me in the nose."

"Yeah." Karin grins. "He'll do that from time to time." Her smile wavers, fading into the rain. "You wanna sit down with me?"

"Sure." Nodding, he sits close to her to shield her from the rain; he sits far away so they don't touch.

And so they wait, the rain passing them by.

**.x**

Her arms curl around her knees, pressed against her chest. She steals a glance at Toushirou before returning to the white grave.

"Don't you want to know who he is?"

"Only if you want to tell me." Gently, he replies, on her terms.

Her lips quirk at that, amused at the thought that he's stopped being self-centred, and begun to look out for others – for _her._

"Abarai Renji." She answers, settling in, and growing comfortable for the relapse of memories. "My first serious boyfriend."

"How'd you meet?"

"Searching for beds. The soccer gang had found apartments, and I decided that I couldn't stand the sleeping bags anymore. And there he was, snoozing in one. Well. I couldn't resist going _Geronimo_ on him." She laughs at that, a real, honest laugh that starts from the back of her throat. "Flirtatious behaviour and quick remarks later, we found ourselves going for a date."

"But that was sometime later." Toushirou guesses.

"Yeah. When he woke up, he called me a 'fucking mental bitch' and proceeded to leave. But I stole his wallet. So, nyah." She sticks her tongue out at both the grave and Hitsugaya Toushirou. "We found each other much later drinking at a pub, and getting along much better than gin and tonic ever should." Karin stops, taking a moment to resurface from the memories, her smile fading. "We… we were awesome."

Compelled to ask, the words slip past him.

"So what happened?"

"Euthanasia. He had a disease and it was killing him. Smoking really didn't help, and I hated that, in any case. But… whatever he had, he didn't say. Maybe 'cause he didn't know, maybe the doctors didn't say. Maybe he didn't want me to worry. I don't know. But he couldn't stand it, watching himself become sicker and sicker, with no cure. So he asked me… and I said yes. Not at first. No… he got that, knew he had to wait and let me come to him, knew when to run after me and persuade me, remind me about my promises."

Raising her hand, her fingers pull into the shape of a gun, firing twice.

**.x**

"_Love you, Karin."_

"_Karin."_

_Karin._

Karin.

**.x**

_And when the bullet hits him, it's like the end of the world._

**.x**

… _bang._

**.x**

"He died the way he wanted, and I'm left to pick up the pieces. I went crazy. Six months, I went insane with grief. On and off. Changed my hair colour so many times. Disappeared into the rain. And then, I turned up at their doorstep. Pinta's, Donny's, Ryouhei's, Kazuya's… just looking for a good time, just looking for something to drown my sorrows."

She swallows.

"We were gonna go home. And then… then… we saw Rukia. And coming home just gave me another reason to stay away. Didn't call, didn't do anything to associate with it. I didn't want to know if… if I really…"

All there is him and her, sobbing in his chest, a secret that ghosts will take to their graves.

**.x**

He doesn't push her away, holding her close, stroking her hair and for her emotions to subside.

… he doesn't know what to think, what to say, so he doesn't do a thing except be there for her.

Maybe, maybe that's enough.

**.x**

Realization comes.

**.x**

It takes months, years, days, seconds, but it finally hits home, his heart.

Because despite—despite Rukia, despite their fallout—she _helped_ him out of that mess, slowly stitching up the holes in his heart with her quirks.

He's grateful for that.

"Karin."

Say it soft, say it loud, sing it sweetly in her ear.

"I don't hate you."

If anything, she cries more, the emotion flowing through her.

"It's not your fault."

But Karin holds onto Toushirou tighter than ever.

**.x**

"_If I'm gonna die, I'd rather be with you than anyone else in the world."_

**.x**

They're still undecided, wobbling on the line between friends and lovers, tumbling towards the latter.

Up and up they go, higher on the Ferris wheel of friendship, before leaping off to touch the sky, wax wings melting in the intensity of their love.

Nobody can stop them, because they are simply meant to be.

**.x**

She wakes up in Toushirou's arms, her own around his neck, stirring slowly to the footprints that will eventually lead them back to the apartments.

"Oh, I fell asleep." Softly she mumbles, swinging her legs back and forth slightly.

"Yeah. You tend to do that a lot in cemeteries."

"Habit." Karin shrugs, drifting back to sleep, yawning. "Sorry about that."

"It's all right. I don't mind. Some directions might be useful though…" Speaking quietly, he clears his throat trying to draw Karin's attention to the public eye.

"Ah, right. Well. If you see Zu-kun making out with a lamppost, you know you're going in the right direction."

"And if I don't see him?" Sardonically, he asks, looking around. There's no sign of the glasses-wearing man.

"Then you… hang on, where are we?" Blinking, Karin makes an effort to stay awake.

Toushirou tells her.

"Oh, right. It's just around the corner. And we're there, minus the whole elevator or stairs and entering the door. _Then_ we're there. If you want to specify there, I guess. All in the matter of context, you see."

"… I see…"

It never occurs to him that he should let her down.

He wouldn't have wanted to anyway.

**.x**

"Do you want to go back?" Her voice is small, but clear and articulate.

"Where?"

"Karakura Town. I could, if you wanted to."

The answer comes to Toushirou without even thinking about it.

"No."

**.x**

Somewhere along the way, his hand finds hers.

**.x**

"I want to be with you for a while."

**.x**


	17. gentle impulsion

… he's starting to reconsider those words.

Because when he said, "I want to be with you for a while," he meant romantically.

As in, _hey! Let's be a couple! _Or, _I'm going to kiss you now and you can't stop me._

When did it ever mean that his hair had to turn green?

**.x**

"It's to bring out the colour in your pretty eyes, dear." Karin breezily replies. "Don't worry; it'll be gone in two weeks."

"What happens in two weeks?"

"Yuzu's wedding! I'm not gonna miss that! Plus, I'm the frickin' maid of honour!" Karin huffs.

**.x**

The next day his hair turns blue and he wakes up with whipped cream on his face.

"All the better to eat you, dear." Karin grins, alongside her friends.

Zu-kun coughs. "Of course, she'll probably do a lot more than that…"

**.x**

Afterwards, he still thinks that the simultaneous elbow jab, foot stomping and slap at the back of the head, was totally uncalled for.

**.x**

The third day, there's an odd look on her face as she sits on the kitchen counter. Cheek resting in her hand, her other hand drumming a slow lazy pattern, there's a glaze to her eyes, mouth slightly parted.

"Karin, you okay?" Toushirou asks.

"Yeah," Karin manages a smile, blinking as she focuses on him. "I'm just feeling wistful, I guess. You?"

"I think you're up to something."

"Ooh. You caught me." Grinning as she slurps her chocolate milkshake through the straw, she waggles her eyebrows for encouragement.

Silence.

"Aren't you going to tell me what it is?" Toushirou prompts.

"Not until _you_ tell _me_ what _you_ thought that _I_ was up to." Leaning in, she gives him a smile, light-heartedly teasing him.

He represses a sigh, though he's quite certain that Karin can hear his mental one.

"… you're going to turn into a mermaid." With all the craziness that comes along with Karin, he wouldn't be too surprised if that's the correct answer.

"I'd be a very cute mermaid," Karin considers this, a pensive look on her face. "But no." She gives a dramatic sigh, the corners of her lips quirked upwards, her eyes catching his. "You're wrong."

"So what is it?" Head tilting, he asks her, his hands ruffling his hair a little.

She licks her lips as she hesitates with her answer, slightly uneasy with her decision.

"… I want to go."

"Away from here?" Toushirou looks around the messy apartment.

"Yeah, that's the plan." Karin nods, more confident once she spilled those words. "You know me; I don't hang about for long. I've been here for a while, now it's time to move on."

There's something wrong with the way she phrases that, something that he doesn't like, but for the life of him, Hitsugaya Toushirou doesn't know what.

"Karin, I'm coming with you, aren't I?"

**.x**

There's a pause. Ever so slight. Barely noticeable, in fact.

But it's there.

**.x**

"Yeah. Yeah, of course! Do you even have to ask? Why would you think otherwise?" Lips curve into a smile, mischievous as always, hiding the split second of dissonance. "We had a deal."

"Uh," he shakes his head, feeling idiotic. "You know what? It doesn't matter."

It's just a stupid thought.

Still—

"I'm not _just_ a job, right? We don't have _just_ a deal, right?"

It's not like him to get worked up by something she says. Yet, subconsciously, the sentient lingers…

"Listen, Toushirou—" She begins to speak.

**.x**

They still haven't sorted it out.

Where they stand.

Unofficially, it's lovers. Officially, it's… it's… _unknown._

Frigging morons.

**.x**

"—and that, my friends, is why we must never, ever eat sliced bread. It's the worst thing since… well, sliced bread." Pinta informs his friends as Ryouhei kicks the door open, keen to make a dramatic entrance as always.

Donny rolls his eyes. "Why? Out of all the comparative expressions to use and get hooked on, you take the one that sounds the lamest?"

"It's a chef thing, me thinks." Zu-kun sighs. "Don't question it."

"Aw, dammit." Ryouhei scowls, "it seems that whatever I do, I can never catch you in the act."

Karin and Toushirou both flush, embarrassed by the statement; it's not like they _don't_ want to, it's just that they never seem to have the time to talk about their relationship. Unsurprisingly, their eyes don't meet as they avoid each other's gazes.

**.x**

Yet, as always, Karin recovers quickly and seamlessly.

"Actually…" Hopping off the stool and approaching the circle of friends, she gives them a knowing look. "You did."

"Liar." Ryouhei scoffs, sceptical.

"It's true!" Insisting her enthusiastic nod as truth, she grabs Toushirou's hand to stand beside her, for moral support, for emphasis, for her to remain beside him, the older boy doesn't know. "_We_… are going to leave. Today."

And all four of them – Ryouhei, Kazuya, Donny and Pinta – immediately look crestfallen.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_17 : gentle impulsion

**.x**

Donny brings tissues, unable to help Karin and Pinta pack her things, unable to do anything but provide them with the pleasure of his company and the never stopping flow of waterworks.

"Aw, c'mon. We'll see each other soon." Karin tries to lift his spirits. "It's not as if… I'll be gone forever."

When this doesn't work, she gives him a hug and kisses his cheek.

"You worry too much, Donny. This place will always be my second home."

**.x**

Ryouhei just stares, while Kazuya actually _does_ help Toushirou with his luggage. As the seconds pass by, Hitsugaya Toushirou becomes more and more uncomfortable, eventually cutting straight to it.

"Is there a problem?" Toushirou stops packing, standing tall and proud. "Are you going to do the 'big brother chat', or punch me again?"

"Mate, don't go there." Zu-kun shakes his head and pushes his glasses up his nose at the same time. "First, because we're the ones who got you two together; and second, you _deserved_ that punch." Pointing a finger, and stabbing it in the air, does wonders for highlighting his point.

"Hang on." Ryouhei quietly says, raising one hand to stop the discussion, though he doesn't disagree with his roommate. "You two _are_ together, right?"

Toushirou's mouth opens, but nothing comes out. "… technically yes." He says eventually, lacking conviction.

Ryouhei's mouth drops open as his face falls flat, comically twisting from a plethora of emotions. "Are you hearing this, Kazuya?"

"I'm a-hearing this, Ryouhei." Zu-kun nods, gravely serious and disappointed.

"Okay, fine. I'm not going to push this one on you: that's your business, and Karin's, which, by default, makes it our business; that's the general rule of thumb. You, however," and at this, Ryouhei folds his arms and pouts, "are the exception."

"Have _always_ been the exception." Zu-kun pipes in.

"Yes, thank you, Kazuya." Ryouhei frowns, more to himself than at his friends. "Anyways, we're the matchmakers; we're the ones who got you two together."

Toushirou really doesn't have the heart to tell them otherwise. Let them think what they want.

Kazuya mulls over this, commenting. "… we were also wondering why there's distinctly been a lack of action between you guys." His eyebrows furrow, waxing poetry somewhat. "Oh, the flirting has come and gone, like sunshine and rain. But you guys never _do_ anything. It really doesn't help our voyeuristic tendencies."

Toushirou feels inclined to raise an eyebrow at that. "This is coming from the guy who likes to make out with lampposts?"

"…" Zu-kun shuts up. Maybe he mumbles something about being drunk under his breath.

"As I was saying," Ryouhei clears his throat, gaining control of the conversation once more. "Having used violence as a means to get the end product, I've decided to use a passive method."

"He means Karin beat the shit out of him again." Kazuya translates and he and Toushirou share a snicker.

"Ahem!" Ryouhei compresses his lips into a thin line. At least, until his face starts turning blue. "This time I've decided to give you advice."

"Okay." Toushirou nods. It's not much, but it'll have to do.

**.x**

"Karin's a slippery girl. You need to know when to chase her, and when to let her go. Of course, while I say 'let her go'; don't make the rift _too_ big. She needs space; you need space, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's a push and pull thing, but you'll find it. If you haven't already."

Ryouhei shrugs, before continuing.

"Look out for her. And yourself, 'cause you never know what's in that daft head of hers."

Finally, he looks Toushirou in the eye, never flinching.

"If you _are_ going to do anything, talk to her about it in the car. She can't escape then. And… that's it. I'm not going to say any more on the subject. But, you do understand; since Ichigo isn't here, you have the custom made death threats and potential paranoia insanity that occurs afterward should you hurt her."

He falters on the last thing, wondering if he ought to mention it or let the dust settle.

"Just remember, if something happens… there's always the wedding."

**.x**

The car boot slams shut, a delicious kind of smile wrapped around Karin's lips.

"That's it. Everything is in there, and so, I have nothing to come back to." She snorts, offering a cheeky grin for her comment, unable to maintain a haughty pretence around her friends. "Sorry, couldn't resist."

Hands in his pockets, Hitsugaya wonders if he should shake their hands or something.

Karin gives them all hugs, whispering something in their ear that makes them look solemn, no longer in the boisterous mood that she usually captivates them with.

He wonders what she says, but knows it's better not to pry.

**.x**

Backing away, she offers a lopsided smile and a shrug, placing herself into the comfortable seat of the car. Just as mute, Toushirou joins her, but feels compelled to say something to the guys.

"I'll see you soon."

"Mm." Ryou-chan nods.

Only Donny waves, half-heartedly.

"Take care."

As they drive off, the back of her hand returns the gesture, before merging into the distance.

**.x**

"We have nothing to worry about, right?" Zu-kun ventures to ask, after their silhouette bleeds to black.

There's a long intermission before one of the four answers, speaking their doubts through the reassurance.

"No. Nothing. As long as she lets him in, it's fine."

**.x**

Languidly, Karin stretches out, adjusting to the car as she wiggles various ligaments, arms, legs, hands, feet, before tilting her head and giving Toushirou an easily going smile.

"So, where do you want to go?"

He picks the first direction that comes to mind.

"West."

"Alright!" Karin grins. "West it is."

She wonders where they'll turn up.

**.x**

It is twenty five minutes later in which Hitsugaya Toushirou decides to resume the conversation.

"Pop quiz."

Karin grins. "Aw, we're using that again? You are so cool, you know."

In response, Toushirou only sighs, mock annoyed. "It grew on me. What can I say?"

"Mm, well, I guess you could ask your question." The raven haired girl shrugs.

"Okay. Earlier this morning, I wanted to know what we are to each other. I mean, am I a job to you, am I still your responsibility to Rukia, is the entire thing just a deal? I mean, what the hell are we?"

"Um…" Stalling for time, her fingers drum on the steering wheel, the radio switching on. Her shoulders tense and her cheeks heat up, still caught in the void of uncertainty. "… I think this is a topic for the rest stop."

"Fine, but promise me this." Toushirou relents. "Promise you won't run away."

"I promise." With a smile in her voice, she swears to him, her mouth teasing his with a childlike grin.

**.x**

_Well. Not this time._

**.x**

As luck has it, there's a rest stop nearby.

Karin tenses and sighs as she steers into it, and Toushirou clears his mind, trying to find the right things to say.

**.x**

Silence.

Neither of them knows how to start it, and so, after a while, they begin to laugh and crack the ice.

It's nice… before the awkwardness sets in.

Again.

**.x**

"Okay." Karin coughs. "I think the question to set this in motion is… whatever the hell you were saying in the car. Over to you, Toushirou."

"… right." Remembering the thought track that he had in the car, Toushirou picks up where he had stopped. "Just for clarification, are we a couple?"

"Um." Flushing with embarrassment, Karin tilts her head sideways. "We are if you want us to be."

"Oh." He blinks. That seems simple enough. "Okay. Then… we are."

"Yeah?" Karin perks up, impishly stepping closer, mouth wide and stretching into a Cheshire grin.

"Yeah." Toushirou affirms, wondering where she's going with this.

The matter is settled.

"Then, as we _are_ a couple, I want a kiss. Right now." Voice husky, her arms wrap around his neck, and she stands on her tip toes.

"Well, I can't refuse that…"

And they close the distance between them.

**.x**

Lunch has become significantly more interesting, since Karin now uses pocky sticks to tease him.

Fuck lollipops.

**.x**

It's actually hilarious how they still have the button war with the radio.

On. Off. On. Off.

_Wham!_

… Karin usually is the winner and gets her wicked, wicked way.

**.x**

"You know what?" Karin says, as she sits in the swings in the park. "You were never _just_ a job to me. You were more than that…"

"That's… that's good to know." He smiles, trying to catch her as she flies off the park swing.

It's not exactly a 'catch', more of a 'falling on top of him', but being honest, they don't mind.

Her giggles melt into a kiss.

**.x**

He buys her a vanilla flavour ice cream infested with pocky sticks.

**.x**

Time passes slowly, time passes quickly.

And they pass it with such joy.

**.x**

It's raining, and Karin's laughing, encouraging him to get soaked.

"Aw, c'mon, don't tell me you've never ran in the rain like you've got nothing left to lose?"

"…"

**.x**

Using her wily ways, she coerces him into a puddle competition.

The winner is the one who gets the biggest splash.

… he only wins because he's got stronger and longer legs, Karin mumbles as she is unwittingly declared the loser.

**.x**

"What's this? Kurosaki Karin is a sore loser?"

That's does it.

Chasing him under the rain is so _back on!_

**.x**

Oh, it takes a while, but she glomps him eventually.

**.x**

Kissing in the rain.

It's not quite Spiderman, but it'll have to do.

**.x**

You don't have to know them to see that they are happy.

She flirts and teases and dances, always up for some fun.

And him?

He watches with a lopsided smile on his face, indulging in her antics time to time, eyes _only_ for her.

They just are_._

**.x**

Simple as that.

**.x**

Dusk finally comes, with birdsong and pretty twitter.

With a warm blanket around them, they settle into the couch, ready to watch the movie.

It's good to know that she gets animated about the characters, gleefully wishing for their death at any opportune moment, scowling as they _inevitably _survive, because there's always going to be a sequel with a happy ending in sight. Well. Classic movies like the Harry Potter franchise.

But, there's a certain sense of fun when they torment the movie characters with threats and derisive comments, all in the spirit of entertainment.

Karin can't bear to hear it in Japanese, always preferring the original dub.

And Alan Rickman, Severus Snape, will always have a special place in her heart with his super sexy voice and loathing of Harry Potter.

**.x**

"Die, Harry Potter! Die!"

**.x**

Eventually, when the atmosphere has calmed down and has been placated, Toushirou slings his arm around her, and Karin snuggles into him, wrapping the blanket around them, head on his shoulders as she rests on his chest, stealing a kiss whenever she deems it worthy.

Likewise, he does the same.

**.x**

They never make it through the movie, falling asleep in each other's arms before the credits roll in.

**.x**


	18. she does heartbreak

You know what they say.

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

But honestly, what is the difference between them?

**.x**

When Toushirou wakes, Karin is gone.

Disorientated, he looks around, slightly desperate, scared.

It's just his luck that Karin submerges from the bathroom in that instant, clad in only a white towel.

"Karin, you…" The words die on his lips as he walks towards her, somewhat dazed.

Her eyebrow arches, lips twisted oddly as her head tilts to one side. "I… what?"

"Never mind." Cupping her face, he slants his mouth over hers. "Useless hysteria, I guess."

"Oh yeah?" Amused, Karin smiles. "Well, maybe I should give you heart attacks more often, if they're able to make you give kisses like _that._"

He brushes a lock of hair out of her face. "Don't even go there."

But his lips manage to curve into a decent smile.

It's only later that he realizes that the warmth was still there.

**.x**

"Hey, hey, hey, dragon-san, are you here with me?" Hands on her hips, the knight demands attention, lest the dragon becomes slain by her sword, no less. "Eyes up here, big shot."

"Mm? You were saying?" Disengaging from his thoughts, Toushirou looks at Karin, drinking in the lovely sight.

"Do you know how to dance?" The speed of her weapon is short, much like her directness.

"No." Without skipping a beat, he effortlessly replies.

"Aw, that's no good. And here I was, thinking that good ole Toushirou could rescue his knight in shining armour." Slipping into the role of a drama queen, she pouts. "Never mind, we'll find a way to deal with it."

"And how are we going to do that? Go to a dance instructor?" Compelled to ask, Toushirou dryly remarks.

"It's a thought, but no. We're going to find a style of our own." Karin grins, pulling her boyfriend into the open space of the hotel. "Now, I've got one song that Yuzu will _definitely_ put on. You should know it, since you were the one who introduced it to her, _and_ get her addicted. Not bad, though I question _some_ of your taste."

The radio switches on, and the bouncy music fills the air.

Before Toushirou even realizes it, one of his hands is on her waist and the other entwined with hers.

"Seriously?"

"Why? Elvis Presley rocks."

"_Stop! Look and listen baby, that's my philosophy.  
__It's called rubberneckin' baby, but that's alright with me…"_

**.x**

Left. Right. Spin and twirl.

Dip, pull up and send her into a twirl before returning her back into your arms.

Let her laughter sparkle in the air.

Shimmy. Shake. Skip.

Have a good time to the jazzy beat.

**.x**

"_People say I'm wasting my time yeah, but they don't really know.  
__I see what I like, I like what I see yeah, it gives me such a glow…" _

**.x**

It can't be called a dance. But it's something that moulds them together, and makes them enjoy themselves.

As long as they don't trip and stumble, stepping onto each other's toes.

It's kind of hard to keep the smile off their faces; the song is too damn catchy.

**.x**

"You want another go?"

"Absolutely."

**.x**

There's a reason why Elvis Presley is named King of Rock 'n' Roll and he fucking deserves it.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_18 : she does heartbreak

**.x**

"Ready?" Karin grins, spinning the football in the palm of her hand.

"Ready." Toushirou affirms.

"Player one moves right—" Karin moves left. "Player two falls for it."

"Player one is a cheater."

"Player two should shut up."

It continues this way with light banter and feints and real moves, each one being the commentator – and switching the ranks – whenever the ball is theirs.

"Player two does a rugby tackle." Karin giggles as they tumble onto the grass in the park.

"Player one isn't going to complain." Arching an eyebrow, Toushirou notices a smudge of mud on her face and with care, wipes it away.

"Player two is very much correct, but player one…"

"… is going to get kissed." Toushirou finishes.

**.x**

They drive out one day, just before the blue sky changes colour, diffusing into the hues of vermillion and cerise, with the bright sun setting in shades of molten gold and spilt orange.

His arm around her, she leans into him, as they sit together on the boot of her red, red car; her legs swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

"It's great, isn't it?" Karin asks him, wide eyes on him, flickering something unfathomable.

"What?"

"This." Quiet, her voice barely audible, she says. "Us."

"Yeah, it really is."

When Toushirou's lips meet hers, she tries to push away a sinking feeling that claws at her heart.

**.x**

His heartbeat is in sync with the thoughts in her head.

Healthy. Happy. Healed.

Karin hates the voice at the back of her head that tells her to leave him behind, because all he's going to do is tether her to one place.

He's going to settle, and she… she's _not_.

She's looking for something that she knows she'll never find.

"I don't deserve you." She whispers, holding a slumbering Toushirou close.

Sleep does not come easy to her that night.

**.x**

There is something happening, undercurrents beneath the surface. Her smile is perfect, her warm eyes real, her pretty eyes blue like the midnight sky, but there's… something that she's not telling him. He's not an idiot.

So what does he do? Does he push her into confession, or does he let this secret go?

"Can I plead for some coffee?" She asks with a crinkled grin, cheeks slightly pink, messy bed hair windswept. "Rumour has it that it's legendary."

Toushirou thinks to the first time she tasted his coffee, the way her eyes lit up like fire crackers, spinning and spinning like a carousel ride, and her compliment took him unawares, as did her deal. Wonders why her first smile seemed the same whenever she was with him, and so different when she with her friends.

This grin is refracted.

**.x**

It feels sad, radiates distance beneath the guise of happiness.

**.x**

And for the first time in a while, he wonders if everything is okay under her skin.

**.x**

"Yeah. Sure." Toushirou replies, breaking his reverie, shaking his head slightly. "Any preference?"

"No, I trust you." Karin says, head in her hands.

But her gaze is distracted, glazed and directed at the open window.

The window shows a sky devoid of clouds.

If she notices his concern, then she doesn't say a thing.

And he lets the subject go.

**.x**

"Hey," Karin smiles, as her arms wrap around his neck in the photo booth.

"Hey." Toushirou mirrors a grin.

_Click!_

**.x**

"Let's pose as superstars!"

_Click!_

**.x**

"Now as hungry, hungry hippos!"

"How the hell do we do that?"

"Beats me – act _hippo-like!_"

_Click!_

**.x**

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"If you wash your hair one more time, it'll finally turn back to its original colour." Karin informs him with a bright grin, as she switches places in the photo booth.

"Yay. No more greenish tinge to otherwise flawless hair." Toushirou cheers sardonically, a light parody of his girlfriend.

"I love you, you know that?"

**.x**

"What?"

**.x**

Their expressions are one of horror and happiness.

_Click!_

**.x**

"Oh shit." She's out of the photo booth the second the light flashes and records that moment, almost in a run.

Toushirou grabs the product and stuffs it in his pocket without glancing in it.

It's the time to decide: chase her or let her slip by?

**.x**

He chases.

**.x**

"Karin."

No avail.

"Karin."

She's not slowing down, not looking back.

"Karin!"

And she stops, turning back, hair cascading past her shoulders, red lips parted, pale and lovely and rosy and _scared_.

"What?"

**.x**

They never notice the world stop and stare at them, so why start now?

**.x**

The words he chooses next will make or break their relationship.

**.x**

"Do you mean it?" Breathing out, he exhales, slowly taking in her in, the flecks of light, the emotion in her eyes, her blue jeans, her red top, her mismatched socks, not even realizing that he's instinctually narrowing the distance between them.

"Yeah." Shoulder slumping, her eyelids lower, her voice lower than a passing murmur, Kurosaki Karin answers his question, wide open and hating it. "Yeah, I meant it."

But she doesn't sound happy about it.

He's not even listening to the tone, the poignant inflections, only the skin deep words that sends his heart ablaze.

"I love you."

**.x**

He doesn't know what those words mean to her.

He doesn't know how she uses them.

He doesn't know why she's saying now and never more.

**.x**

There's no distance between them as he's impulsively kissing her, seeking her out and tasting every nuance that reciprocates.

But she's not kissing back.

**.x**

Pulling away, he slowly comes down from his euphoria, his hands on her neck, teasing her locks of black, black hair.

"I—"

**.x**

And she smiles, a fragile smile, frayed and cracked, shattered by the intensity of love and selfish romantic notions.

_That smile._

**.x**

Her fingers flitter to his lips, padded in velvet, effectively silencing him.

"Don't."

**.x**

He can't say those words.

Not the way she can.

**.x**

Eyes say everything so much better than words can; and to Kurosaki Karin, Hitsugaya Toushirou is an open book.

She knows that he loves her, and she just can't have that.

**.x**

"You know something? You never call me. Not once. Don't you think that's a bit odd?"

Stepping away from his warm embrace, Karin tries to change the mood, crushing her heart in the meantime with curious words that swirl nonsensically in his mind.

"You have the keys, right?"

Slowly, he nods. The hotel keys jingle in his pocket, alongside money and photos fresh from the booth.

"Okay." Eyes brimming, she compresses her lips into a thin line, she continues. "I'll see you there then."

"Wait." Toushirou says. "Where are you going?"

She turns back to face him, wanting to say something that never comes.

Her lips mock a bitter grin.

"I'm just going to get some stuff. Don't worry about it."

And she disappears into the crowd, fading away as if she's not there at all.

**.x**

She whispers into the breeze, carrying a thousand confessions that he'll never hear.

"I love you."

**.x**

He's been having this dream. Maybe it starts before all this, maybe it starts during, maybe it's only a recent dream, but it always concerns him and her. Somehow, he's reminded of Rinoa Heartilly from _Final Fantasy VIII_, the moment when she turns to face Squall Leonhart with the wind in her hair and white doves behind her, unveiling beautiful scenery of the natural-esque when they are in the flying Garden.

Suddenly it's Karin, pretty and beautifully delicate, ready to shatter into a thousand peaces with such purity.

Then she speaks, memories of him and her, flickering behind them, surrounding them.

"This is real, isn't it?"

But every time he hears it, he finds it harder to say yes.

**.x**

It's just a dream, right?

**.x**

Truthfully, Toushirou doesn't like window gazing – window shopping, whatever it's called.

But then his eyes lock on to a necklace that shines the way that Karin does, when she's caught up in her latest obsession. Layered with jewels with the history of a thousand pasts, rubies, diamonds, emeralds, he wonders if she'd like it.

No, he knows she'll like it. Her face will light up, and her smile will spread for miles and miles, her dimple dancing on the inside of her cheek.

Karin doesn't have to know how much it costs, or the reason he got her.

He's _her boyfriend_, that's reason enough.

**.x**

When he finally reaches the hotel room, Toushirou refrains from smiling and decides to hide the bag containing the pretty necklace to give to Karin behind his back. It's one surprise that he knows that she'll like.

But when he opens the door—

—there's no trace of her.

Splattered clothes, messily draped across chairs – are gone, neatly out of sight; her favourite hair products, shampoo bottles and conditioners – vanished; little throwaway items that she likes to collect, no longer here.

All that remains of her is a crumpled strip of photos hidden in his pocket and a necklace never given.

**.x**

"_You've never call me. Not once. Don't you think that's a bit odd?"_

He's never had a reason to call her; they're always together unless they're apart. What's odd it that she mentioned it.

But, it's worth a shot? If it'll help…

* * *

**Calling Kurosaki Karin.**

_Beep… beep…_

* * *

A mobile phone rings.

It's not his.

* * *

_Beep… beep…_

**Call ended.**

* * *

All that remains of her is a strip of photos, an unused necklace and a mobile phone that has been thrown away.

**.x**

Somewhere between here and there, something shatters, and Toushirou's not entirely sure if it's his mind, his heart or the necklace that falls from its container.

**.x**

Kurosaki Karin is gone.

**.x**


	19. fall so hard

Hitsugaya Toushirou waits a day in the city he's been dumped in.

He doesn't know what he's waiting for; he knows that she's not coming back.

But he finally calls Ichigo when all his restraint expires and that last shred of hope has diminished.

**.x**

"She's gone." He says to Karin's older brother, and Toushirou is surprised that he doesn't sound as hollow as he feels.

"Yeah." Ichigo nods, lips quirking into something understanding. "She does that, you know?"

**.x**

The silence eats away at him in the car, neither one in the mood to talk.

**.x**

When he arrives at Karakura, instantly letting Hinamori Momo hug him and mother him, he's barely listening to a word being said.

"Alright, I don't know what happened between you guys, but whatever. Don't have such a grumpy face when you see Yuzu."

Her hand finds his as she leads him into their safe haven, but Toushirou doesn't feel a thing.

**.x**

The sky is blue, transparent blue like an ocean calmly swaying back and forth.

Yuzu gazes out the window, curled up in a t-shirt that is far too big for her, hand resting on her cheek.

She can hardly believe that there's four days left until the wedding.

**.x**

_living corpse  
_19 : fall so hard

**.x**

"You stupid bitch." Ryouhei sighs as he opens the door. "Why'd you have to ruin such a great thing?"

Karin only looks at him, pale face blank.

"Well, whatever. No doubt the sock puppet oddity will rear its ugly head sooner or later." Raking his hand through his hair, he gestures for her to enter his apartment. "Come in, come in, and make yourself at home."

**.x**

It doesn't feel like home. Not anymore.

Not even Pinta's delicious cakes can make her feel welcome as she crashes down as she realizes what she's done.

**.x**

Let it all out.

Donny's arms are encircled around her and he's murmuring these words that don't mean a damn thing.

_Let it all out._

She's holding on more than ever and yet she can feel the sensation of a sure thing falling.

**.x**

Karin thought of a lot of things during the journey back to her friends' residence, but she never considered how much she would miss _him_.

**.x**

She doesn't know when she fell asleep as she wakes, upside down and sprawled against the sofa and the floor, cringing as bones click back into place, tasting the bitter sense of loss in her mouth.

Even her favourite patisserie can't wash away the flavour, the sweetness of Toushirou's lips against hers.

**.x**

Glass shatters; robotically she picks it up and disposes of it into the bin.

This is her mess, and just like before, she _will_ fix it, even if she started it in the first place. The problem is she doesn't know how.

**.x**

Or, at least, not one that she deems acceptable.

**.x**

_It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date._

The words drum into Toushirou's head as he sits uncomfortably at the table beside this woman that he doesn't even know. Oh, there are other people beside him – _a group date_ – but it hardly makes him feel any better.

It's just…

… he misses her.

_Karin._

And another thing – it's not a _group date_ – it's a _wedding rehearsal._

But that hardly makes him feel any better.

**.x**

Come to think of it, if it's the wedding occasion, then technically, should Karin be here?

Yuzu doesn't look very happy as she talks to someone on the phone.

He wonders who it is.

**.x**

"Ne, Karin-chan. You're supposed to be _here_." Yuzu pouts as she sways side to side. "I'm putting the rehearsal on hold just for you."

"_Ah, gomen, gomen; I'm just… a little preoccupied here."_

Yuzu gasps. "Are you saying that there's something more important than _my _wedding day when _you're _the maid of honour?"

"_No, no! Don't get me wrong – the guys are here too when they're supposed to be with you!"_

"I'm still holding you accountable. You and your bad… influence." Yuzu shakes her head as she lightly teases her younger sister, smiling slightly.

"_Oh all right. Be that way. I __**am**__ sorry, but – left you idiot!"_ Karin's voice rises considerately into a shriek. _"Left! Left! Le—ooh. That poor car."_

"Karin. Please don't tell me you're playing a video game instead of attending my rehearsal?" Yuzu takes a deep breath. Though she has the patience of a saint, even saints may become sinners when dealing with Kurosaki Karin, youngest of all the troublemakers and rebel rousers.

"_Um… would you understand it if I said that technically, the rehearsal __**isn't**__ the real thing and playing on Zu-kun's video game is actually far more interesting despite – and I say __**despite**__ that the wedding rehearsal is actually more important?"_ It's kind of sweet the way Karin is backtracking and stressing the main issue.

"Well, I suppose." Yuzu shakes her head, relenting just this once. "But you're still not off the hook, sis."

"_Duly noted."_ Karin solemn says with slight tease laced within her voice.

"You _are _going to be at the wedding, right?"

"_Yeah! Duh! I'm the freaking maid of honour – you aren't going to look half as good in those photos without me by your side."_

"Okay, just checking." Yuzu laughs, relaxing. "Do you want to talk to anyone? Toushirou, maybe?"

"_No."_ Her answer is slow to come and hesitant. _"I don't want to talk to him."_

"Karin…"

"_Look, can you just drop the subject? I'm happy for you, I am. But just leave him out of this."_

Yuzu swears for the first time in a while, knowing her sister far, far too well. "You told him you loved him."

"…"

"And then you left, like you always do."

"_I have to go."_

* * *

_Beep… beep…_

**Call ended.**

* * *

Yuzu hands the phone back to her big brother with a soft smile on her face, lips pressed together. "Thanks."

"It's what big brothers do. Now tell me you told her off for not attending the wedding rehearsal and being a flipping idiot?" Ichigo slips a smile onto his face, whilst ruffling Yuzu's auburn hair.

"Ah, not quite." Yuzu shakes her head gently side to side. "I did more of the former than the latter. Didn't have the heart to tell her off about love, not when my wedding day is… well, tomorrow."

"And you're supposed to be a _good_ role model." The orange haired man grumbles. "We'd better get back on track."

**.x**

Maybe it's just the combined forces of Ichigo and Momo and Yuzu hanging around together, but it sure as hell feels like Karin is with them, and he's just not looking close enough.

Perhaps if he turns around, he just might find her.

**.x**

"For fuck's sake, Donny – you're the only one who can help her when she's reached this state!" Ryouhei scowls. "I'm begging here – and you know I don't beg."

"Oh, come on—" Donny protests.

"She's using her _own goddamn smelly socks!_ It's never gotten this bad before!"

"Yeah, but—"

"Renji was one thing – I could handle her raiding _our_ nice and clean socks. But you fucking well know that Toushirou is another thing completely!" Ryouhei all but shouts, cheeks red and ears emitting smoke.

"Alright. But you still owe me ten thousand yen from before." Donny gives in, mumbling about Ryouhei being 'a dipshit' and other things that are far nastier and well deserved. "Fucking bully."

Toba Ryouhei does not care what other people think of him; but Karin's sock fetish and hiding under the bed covers when she's upset grates on his nerves.

It's fucking weird.

**.x**

Donny knocks, taking a deep breath, reflecting on the last few days. It starts with waking, being generally happy – perhaps too happy, forgetting the main issue before Kazuya – being the idiot that he is – brings Toushirou up again. Then the denial occurs, the absolute banning from alcohol – since they want to look their best for Yuzu's wedding and can't be arsed to go to the rehearsal – and rugby tackles as the strongest pours every single glass into the toilet, and the fixation on video games – 'cause they're all addicts and if it's not one thing, it's got to be something.

And then… Karin became quiet. Even as she became part of the losing team, she became… quiet. And not even in the rambunctious manner.

That was before she sought refuge in his bed, barricading the room and making it hers. Not that he minds but… it's _his_ room, dammit!

The four of them will let her have free rein when everything is okay, but she's more than a little bit lovesick… scratch that, love-psycho… that's when they swoop in and then save the day! They are the unsung heroes and go where no man has gone before!

Donny takes another deep breath for good measure.

As long as he doesn't stop breathing, then everything's alright.

**.x**

"Now, Karin, as your friend, you do understand that we care about you, right?"

The left hand sock – stripy blue and black – 'looks' up, slithering from the duvet.

"Mmmhmm."

"Great. But, sweetie, you've got to stop this issue of yours. I mean… we thought… I thought… you'd finally got over it with Renji. He seemed nice, and could match Ryouhei in a cussing contest, but still. We thought… we thought you would settle after dating him. But then, we found out the bad news. Still, he was the only person who you'd let say 'I love you'. So…" Trailing off, Donny sits on the bed, curiously watching the right hand sock – dotty red and white against a bland colour, snake closer towards his hand. "… we thought it was an improvement to your wayward nature. But then, then you got worse. And a bunch of stuff happened, but finally Toushirou came."

Donny hates the way she looks at him, blue eyes looking forlorn and all puppy-like.

Feeling somewhat awkward, he squeezes the left hand sock reassuringly.

"You know, when we saw you with him, you looked happier than you had been in a while. And you knew that. You really, really knew that."

"Yeah." Karin softly agrees. "I knew that."

"So, then, why?"

**.x**

_Why'd you let him go?_

_Why'd you make yourself unhappy?_

**.x**

"You know why."

**.x**

_Because if I love, I leave. I let them go._

**.x**

"That's bull. It's such a stupid reason. You're just scared. It's why you fell for Renji – you've got a thing for lost causes." Pinta snaps, leaning in the doorway, smelling of baked apple pie.

"No, seriously—" Karin begins to raise her voice.

"Look, we love you. It _does not_ mean that we are going to leave you. And you can say it all you like – _kami_ knows that you have – but you keep running back to us and we don't fucking mention it, 'cause we trust you, 'cause we think you've got it all under control. But _shit_." Kazuya shakes his head. "It wasn't Hitsugaya Toushirou we were meant to butt head with and fucking shove in the right direction – it's _you_."

"So, you stupid bitch." Toba Ryouhei says fondly, in a gentle tone. "What say we go crash that wedding tomorrow acting like a pair of hooligans?"

"Better not." Karin grimaces. "She invited you because she was spurred on by your praises of cookery – especially you, Pinta – but I don't think she could handle that. Not when it's her Big Day."

"Ah, well. It's the thought that counts, right?" Ryouhei shrugs. "Now admit it, and promise us that you won't run away this time."

**.x**

"I love him. So much. If I saw him again, I really don't think I could leave. Not this time."

**.x**

"Alright. Let's go!" The five of them cheer.

**.x**

"Wait." Donny says, slowing down the parade.

"Oh what now?" Zu-kun whines, all hyped up.

"Take off the socks, Karin, _please?_"

Laughing, Karin complies, wiggling them back on to her bare feet.

**.x**

"Girls." Ryou-chan scowls. "Are. Weird."

But he loves her anyway.

**.x**

It's the day before the wedding that Hitsugaya Toushirou decides to enter his apartment – dusty and in loving memory of a girl that no longer exists on this plane.

Yuzu is already there, making sure that everything is okay. "Consider it my last thing as a bachelorette."

"You…"

Again, she smiles, one so familiar that it could almost be mistaken for her sister's smile. "Karin asked me to."

"Thank you."

"So, everything's okay, right? You're not grieving anymore and living in the past?"

It's been a while since she last checked up on him, so used to it during the mourning stage.

"Yeah. I'm okay." He replies, offering a smile.

**.x**

And, really, he is.

Karin helped him move on, and he's grateful for that.

Although if he'd feel even better if she's by his side.

**.x**

"She's coming to the wedding, right?" For the first time, he voices his question to the older Kurosaki.

"Well. What do you think?" Tilting her head and widening her eyes, Yuzu waits for his response, almost certain that she knows the answer. Being the older sister of two hopeless sweethearts tends to do that to a person.

"Yeah. She wouldn't miss it for the world."

**.x**

Her smile is as bright as sunlight.

"And when she comes, don't let her run away."

**.x**

"I won't."

**.x**

This he promises.

**.x**


	20. sunshine in a bag

Once upon a time, there is a dragon, a knight and a princess kept captive by the dragon. The story goes that the dragon captured the beautiful princess to add to his collection, while the knight set out to rescue her. The knight consequently rescues the princess and slays the dragon.

Is that a happy ending?

The dragon is dead and the knight no longer strives towards anything.

The relationship between them is symbiotic.

The knight is there to be the hero; to rescue the princess or to take the hoard of treasure; the knight is there to _save._

And what about the dragon?

The dragon is there to give conflict; to attain something of value; the dragon is there to give _purpose._

Without each other, no story would be told of the greatness and fall of man.

**.x**

Perhaps climbing up the window (with a water-gun stuffed in a backpack) is an unorthodox thing to do, but it's all in the name of fun. This means that everything is okay.

Especially if the window is never shut, because it makes the whole breaking and entering debacle a whole lot easier.

**.x**

Powering up the water pistol…

**.x**

_Fire!_

**.x**

"Ugh!" Yuzu splutters, rudely awoken on the day of her wedding, soaked in water.

**.x**

"Heh." Karin grins, offering a salute and a tilted pose. "How ya been, _onee-chan_?"

**.x**

If anyone can win a prize for 'fastest person to leap from a bed to a person and get them in a great big hug'; it's Yuzu.

**.x**

"_Tadaima."_ Karin smiles, her hand in Yuzu's hair; Yuzu's arms around her neck.

**.x**

"_Okaeri."_ Yuzu replies, holding onto her little sister for a little moment longer.

**.x**

"_Kami_, you're crying!"

"Am not!" Yuzu objects to Karin rolling her eyes. Nonetheless, she wipes her watery eyes.

"You _are._ Jeez, did you have no faith, girl? Like I said time and time again: there is _no way_ I am missing _this_ wedding."

"_Ano…_ you missed the wedding rehearsal." The older sister feels compelled to point out.

Karin sighs. "Technical difficulties. Besides, I _did_ say that it wasn't the real thing. Me being here for the big event should make up for that… hiccup."

**.x**

"Never mind." Yuzu yawns, trying to stifle it with the back of her hand. "You're here now."

"Yeah." The younger sister grins lopsidedly. "… I'm here."

**.x**

_living corpse  
_20 : sunshine in a bag

**.x**

She looks beautiful, Yuzu looks really beautiful.

Dressed in white with a white rose adorned in her hair, nothing else lights up the way she does.

"_Ano, _Karin," Yuzu squirms under Karin's slightly crooked grin. "… you're staring again."

"Oh yeah?" The younger sister folds her arms under her chest.

"Y-Yeah…"

"It's _because_, dear sweet sister of mine, you've finally become prettier than me."

"Tha—hey! Is that an insult or a complement?" Pale cheeks burn in panic.

Karin's mirthful giggles are the last thing Yuzu hears, floating in the air like bubbles just about to pop.

**.x**

For a second, her mind rests on Toushirou, wondering how he felt, wondering how he feels, wondering how he will feel after he sees her.

But Yuzu's talking to her and Karin fixes a smile on her face and nods accordingly, trying to focus on – _only on_ – the wedding.

Right now, the main thing is to ensure perfection to the wedding.

**.x**

With a yawn, Hitsugaya Toushirou opens the door, in pinstriped pyjama bottoms.

Before him are Hinamori Momo and Kurosaki Ichigo, dressed in a plum-pink dress and a black suit, slightly curious and amused.

"… can I help you?" Hesitant, Toushirou asks the question on his mind.

Ichigo and Momo share a look of disbelief.

"Actually, you can." Momo nods, stepping forward. "We are going to the wedding of Yuzu and Hanatarou – and guess what? You're invited! Hurry up, get dressed and make sure to wear a smile on that face, grumpy."

"…"

The door shuts.

**.x**

"Did I go too far?" Momo asks her boyfriend.

"No, you were right on the mark. Especially since we're here half an hour before the grand event." Ichigo kisses her forehead with a smile.

The door opens.

Suddenly shy, or at least embarrassed by something, Hitsugaya Toushirou mumbles something.

"Sorry? Speak louder, 'cause I can't hear you, short stuff." Ichigo grins.

"… I don't know what to wear." Toushirou admits.

"That's alright. I already got you something." Momo smiles, leaning on Ichigo's arm, as her boyfriend shows the black tux with his other hand. "Should be perfect, if you haven't become flabby." She can't resist teasing when it comes to Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"Thanks." Hitsugaya Toushirou offers a smile, pointedly ignoring the last comment. "Um, would you like to come in… or are you taking me hostage to the wedding?"

"… we're taking you hostage to the wedding." Ichigo affirms, noting Karin's influence in him.

"Okay." Yawning once more, he lets them in.

**.x**

"And remember!" Momo cheers with Ichigo's peace pose. "Look sharp 'cause you want to sweep the future Hitsugaya Karin off her feet!"

Hitsugaya Toushirou mutters something unintelligible before slamming another door.

Hinamori Momo raises a confused eyebrow with a curved smile at his reaction.

"Was I not supposed to say that?"

**.x**

"I am _so_ not wearing pink." Karin flatly says.

"Aw, not even for me and my big day?" Yuzu pouts with big brown puppy eyes that Karin has never been able to resist.

"… okay. I'll wear that frickin' pink dress for you." Karin gives in, shoulders slumped, head downcast.

It's a plum-pink dress, but still.

"I knew you'd see it my way!" Yuzu grins. "But alas," and at this, she gives a dramatic sigh. "This dress is not for you; you're to wear _this!_"

It's a pretty red dress, that's also shorter than the plum-pink dress.

"You lied to me!" Flustered, Karin turns away, feigning anger. "How dare you!"

"Only compensation for what you've done to me in the past, _imouto-chan._" Yuzu giggles.

**.x**

"And how do I look, oh beautiful pregnant lady?" Toushirou deadpans.

Ichigo coughs. "That's _my_ girlfriend you're talking to."

"Hush." Momo waves it away, then going with the flow. "Fantabulous, but I belong only to Captain Strawberry here."

"… because you're my Vice Captain Peach." Ichigo whispers in her ear, enjoying her reddening reaction.

Toushirou rolls his eyes, reminding them. "We have a wedding to get to."

"Exactly." Simultaneously, the fruity couple say. "So we'd best be going."

**.x**

She—

_Karin._

—looks beautiful.

**.x**

The wedding, for most part, goes pretty smoothly. Though Karin 'halts' it, once she gazes at Momo, and pretty much shouts: "Whoa, she's _huge!_"

To which Momo replies, "My baby's alive and kicking, Kurosaki!"

And later making a sign language with the best man, Shiba Ganju, which helps pass the time – though it distracts the priest – "will you two _please_ take it somewhere else, no, not you two, Yuzu and Hanatarou, who are here for holy matrimony _unlike some people_… may I continue?"

A snort. A giggle. And eventually a nod.

"… sorry, father."

"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that."

"_Thank _you, as I was saying—"

"Tha answer's yes!" Yamada Hanatarou all but screams, buckling under pressure. "It has, and always will be, _yes, I do!_"

"I beg your pardon!"

"Oh, Hana-chan…" Yuzu melts by his statement.

And so, the snog fest begins with Yuzu mumbling "yes, I do" _also _within the kiss; miraculously sliding on the rings.

**.x**

"Since you're already kissing… I now pronounce you 'man and wife'!"

**.x**

Amongst the clapping, Shiba Ganju sidles up to Kurosaki Karin.

"I have got to hand it to Hana; he sure can speed up a wedding."

"So, I don't really know him that well, but I'm a-liking him already." Karin grins, sharing a laugh.

**.x**

Throughout the ceremony, she has tried not to feel Hitsugaya Toushirou's eyes on her.

**.x**

Likewise he has tried to keep his eyes off Kurosaki Karin, but something draws him back to the lady in red, captivating him always.

**.x**

Though, they wouldn't have it any other way.

**.x**

She catches his eyes once Yuzu and Hanatarou run down the aisle, truly wed, and Karin just can't look away.

… it's only when she realizes that Shiba Ganju is talking to her that she breaks the gaze and looks at the best man, weakly answering his question.

**.x**

She won't tell him why she's blushing.

**.x**

The thrown bouquet rests in her hands for half a second before falling to the ground, scattering the petals before her feet.

**.x**

"Whoops." She offers a smile to Momo. "Butterfingers."

**.x**

The reception is kind of like a game of cat and mouse – Toushirou chases, and Karin evades.

He really doesn't know how she does it – but he can't spot her, lost in crowds and hidden under tables.

Luckily, Hinamori Momo is on his side.

**.x**

"Ah hah! I found our little renegade." Momo grins, lifting up the table cloth.

"Ooh, that's a harsh word. Runaway is a tad closer to what I am." Karin pulls a face before matching the smile that her friend has. "But enough about me; it's good ole Momo that I want to hear about, how you two finally 'got together', with no explicit content on the 'dirty deed'. Because that's my brother we're talking about."

For the moment, Momo lets her drift away from the point she is about to make. She has missed this, the gossip shared between them.

"Would you believe that your suggestion of bananas, rubber gloves and a pogo stick actually _worked_?"

"No!"

**.x**

"So. A runaway, huh. Never would have guessed that."

"You, Momo, are getting far too snarky. I blame Ichigo." Karin laughs, heartily amused.

"Hush, you. It had been a long time coming." Momo can't repress a smile, before going back to the main topic. "So why do it? Why run away?"

Sobering up, Karin decides that hiding under the table isn't the best way to discuss things. "Well, that depends… which escapade are you talking about?"

"Let's say the first one – before any of this mess started." Though her tone is gentle, Karin can sense the reprimand lingering in the air. "When you took the soccer gang kicking and screaming somewhere far, far away?"

"You and whose army heard that?"

"The vegetables." Momo replies seriously.

But neither of them can keep a straight face.

**.x**

"No, they wanted to come. I wanted to go. I let them… and so we left." Karin says, smoothing out her hair, after her giggles dissolved.

"You're not answering the question…" Momo reminds her in a sing-song voice.

"I dunno." The younger girl shrugs. "I got bored. It's a small town. There's only so much you can do before everything fades to grey. And I… didn't want to that person." She pauses, lost in thought. "… the person who panicked every time I saw him. Because every time I did, I became someone I didn't want to be. I needed to clear my head. When I came back… I hadn't expected this place to change so much. Relationships and other stuff…"

"You know, you can still be yourself when you're in a relationship, you don't have to lose yourself." Momo says, acting like a mother in place of Yuzu. "Did you know that Rukia would have never been with Toushirou had you stayed and worked things out? I think she knew that whatever they had was only temporary, and you two would eventually realize that you guys were meant to be. That didn't mean that while she had the chance, she wouldn't take it – because she did. Rukia… Rukia taught Shirou-chan to have a good time. But you? You brought meaning back into his life."

"When did you get so wise?" Karin sighs into her hand. "Or cheesy?"

Momo laughs, amused. "I think it comes with being a mother. At least, a soon-to-be mother."

"You'll be fine, relax." Lazily, Karin assures her, a flick of a hand twirling black locks. "Believe in yourself, like you do in others."

The older girl leans forward. "Why don't you take your own advice?"

**.x**

"Eh? Why?" Karin tilts her head to the side, wide-eyed.

"What do you mean 'eh'?" Momo snorts, quickly returning to her mothering demeanour. "It's good advice, so take it!"

The youngest Kurosaki shrugs, her face composed once more.

"Okay." Moving onto her 'psychiatrist mind frame', which is something Momo has always wanted to be, be it in a terrible parody or something of that nature, the pregnant lady shifts into her next phase. "The second time you left, you took Shirou-chan _with _you; yet he returned _without_ you. Now, why is that, exactly?"

"… because I was scared; because I didn't want to lose him; because whenever I fall in love with someone, I let them go. And, maybe I wouldn't be so commitment phobic if all that shit hadn't happened before Kaa-chan…" Karin trails off, lost in thought for a moment, eyes glazed.

"That really wasn't your fault." Momo sighs. "Stop blaming yourself for things that happen. Sometimes, they just do… whether it's fate, coincidence or plotted assassination."

"Mm…" Karin compresses her lips into a faint line. "Maybe you're right."

"I always am." Momo smiles, amused. "Now, let's hear your speech."

**.x**

"Speech? What speech?" Caught off guard, the youngest Kurosaki blinks, panicking.

"The Maid of Honour speech? That's totally compulsory." Momo grins evilly. "You know Yuzu wants one."

"Damn guilt trips." Karin mumbles under her breath. It's unfair that her best friend is right.

"What was that?" Momo teases.

The youngest Kurosaki takes a deep breath, her hand tangled in her hair. "… I don't have one. May the power of improvisation bless me tonight."

"Ooh, you so better make it a good one, girl, or you're going down." Momo giggles. "Best of luck."

**.x**

And then Karin 'conveniently' disappears, when she spots a familiar face from the crowd.

Meaning, she scuttles back under tablecloth and travels to another part of the world. She has ninja skills from watching _Naruto_ too much.

**.x**

"Um, Momo?" Hitsugaya Toushirou ventures to ask a rather amused pregnant lady.

"Yes, Toushirou?" Momo sweetly says, far too brightly to be considered normal. Maybe it's the hormones…

"Have you seen Karin? I could have sworn…"

At this, she bursts into laughter. "No, Shirou-chan, I haven't. And if you're wise, I'd stop looking, and let her come to you."

**.x**

"So, tell me." Ichigo grins, a pleasing mixture with his trademark scowl. "Why is my darling imouto playing ninja when she should be making a speech that she didn't do at the _rehearsal_?"

"Ah… I was playing runaway, Captain Strawberry…" Karin mumbles, having the grace to look embarrassed and red-faced.

"You know, as fun as that game is, you have to stop sometimes." Arching an eyebrow, her big brother helps her onto her feet. "And Yuzu is going to freak when she sees the state of that dress."

"… but it's mine now." Karin pouts, ignoring the former comment; brushing the dust off.

"_Karin._"

"I know, I know." Karin sighs, looking resigned. "I swear I will, Ichi-nii."

Smirking at the use of his old nickname, Kurosaki Ichigo ruffles his sister's hair. "Toushirou's a good guy. There's no one else I reckon that would make you happier… no one else I'd trust more…"

"… no one else you'd like to throttle their neck, too." Karin continues with curved lips.

"Only you, sis. Only you." Ichigo rolls his eyes.

**.x**

"… and so, yeah – he's just _awesome._ You know. So, have a wonderful married life, because _kami-sama _knows that two nurses deserve happy endings." Ganju lamely ends, thanking his mind that he didn't slip up and say 'a wonderful _birthday_' like he had done, forty-two times in the mirror.

**.x**

The four soccer players have a plan, quite certain that Karin hadn't planned a speech, her mind on _other_ things.

Part one is already in motion: finding Hitsugaya Toushirou and leading him up to Karin, so she can see him, even if she won't talk.

Part two is about to commence: cheering on the Maid of Honour's speech.

"Karin! Karin! Karin!" They cheer, hoping that their queen of hearts will use their enthusiasm as courage to talk to a crowd of people she doesn't really know.

And then, maybe, just _maybe_, part three will end up as a kiss.

**.x**

"Go on, Karin. Break a leg." Ichigo whispers in her ear.

This is her chance: and she's going to take it.

**.x**

With a push and a laugh, she takes the centre stage. "Um, hi. I'm Kurosaki Karin, sister of Yuzu and now sister-in-law to Hanatarou."

For a second, she is at a loss of words, the pressure sending her mind reeling, though she puts on a brave face.

**.x**

Then her eyes find his.

**.x**

And the words flow ever so naturally.

**.x**

"I've known my sister all my life, well obviously – she's my twin." She grabs the microphone, feeling a lot more in control. "And the thing is, she has always, _always_ been wonderful. And it's great, that she's met someone just for her – as kind, as loyal, as… um, a hippo." She decides with a nod. "The both of them have Huge Hippo Hearts, which is a very good thing – since hippos are my favourite creatures." They aren't, but who cares as long as the alliteration is effective. "And, as your _favourite_ sibling—" She grins in Ichigo's direction. "—I want you to know that you two have a great thing together, and you shouldn't waste it. You guys are going to be awesome parents, someday. And you two are frickin' meant to be."

Placing the microphone back, she adds. "Thank you."

**.x**

She really _should_ take her own advice.

**.x**

"_Me wo tojite **night growing**  
__yobiokosu an kioku…"_

**.x**

"Nice speech there."

Karin grins. "Ah, well. It was nothing… something out of the top of my head. Nothing special, Donny."

Though her eyes are closed, she can still feel his lips drawn into a wide smile. "They came from your heart, and that's the important thing."

Snorting, she lets him twirl her…

**.x**

… and be held by someone else.

**.x**

Eyelids flutter open, dark lashes curling onto blossoming cerise flesh.

"Hi…"

**.x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou tilts his head to the side, white hair slightly messy, cerulean blue eyes intense as ever.

Clearing his throat, he says:

"May I have this dance?"

**.x**

_Always._

**.x**

But all she says is:

"Oh, alright then."

**.x**

Donny is cackling. Like the wicked witch of the west.

He's a _cackler._ Cackling evil cackles.

**.x**

Ryouhei planned the whole debacle; while Pinta came just for the cake. Karin knows this.

**.x**

Part three: in action.

**.x**

"So, you look nice." She offers, perhaps a bit weakly, but it's the effort that counts, right?

"… thanks. You do too." Stiffly, he replies.

_Awkward._

"Nah, don't mention it; I _always_ look great." She waves it away with a self-confident smirk that she didn't feel.

**.x**

"So, you asked Yuzu to look after my place?"

"Yeah, I kind of thought that Yuzu could calm her nerves _and_ make sure that your place was tidy. It benefited both parties."

"Thank you."

"Aw, you're welcome."

**.x**

They try to dance formally, but it doesn't really work.

His grip keeps slipping, and they keep flushing, and Karin's a clumsy dancer which makes the whole thing a combo of amusing, hilarious and downright humiliating. It doesn't help that Karin can feel his toned muscles under those fine clothes, or Toushirou's fingers 'slip', and brush against her bare flesh, causing more blushing and stuttering until Karin just reverts to how they _used_ to dance.

It's a great deal more comfortable. And fun.

**.x**

"Karin—"

Her eyelids lower.

"Don't."

"Karin."

She hates the way he looks at her, like he's searching for her soul.

"… what?"

"I brought a flower for you. Hope you don't mind."

**.x**

It's the same type of flower from the bouquet, white roses that unfurl and brings out her beauty to the fullest.

His slender fingers slide past her cheeks, placing the single rose behind her ear.

**.x**

"… thanks." She mumbles, not looking at him, pretending that she's not acutely conscious of his every move.

"Close your eyes for me, okay?"

"Okay."

**.x**

It's his gift to her; that once that symbolizes gratitude that now symbolizes perseverance.

The necklace is the same from the city where he was left behind.

But he won't give up, not today, not tomorrow, not for a long, long time.

**.x**

He loves her.

**.x**

"_Kami_, Toushirou, it's…" Karin breathes, heart hammering.

"I meant to give it to you that night when…"

"… oh." She bites her lips, lipstick smearing on her teeth.

"Yeah."

"… I'm sorry." Looking away, she can still feel his hand resting on her shoulder.

"Why'd you go?"

**.x**

"_Garasudama hitotsu otosareta  
__Oikakete mou hitotsu okkochita…"_

**.x**

"Karma, Bump of Chicken. Damn, that Hana guy has good taste." Karin murmurs absent-mindedly.

Toushirou clears his throat.

"Oh, right."

**.x**

Back to the main topic. Maybe she should follow Momo's advice.

**.x**

"… it was because I was scared. Of saying 'I love you' and not… leaving. I've done it for so long. You know, the last thing I said to Kaa-chan was 'I hate you' – and not 'I love you' and I just felt so damn guilty. So, I thought, when I finally fall in love with them, I'll let them go."

"That's so fucked up."

"Shut up. I… don't like getting close to people; don't like being vulnerable; I have to put on a brave face, for the rest, you know? After… after Kaa-chan died, it was hard to trust people. But you helped me, that time. Made me clear my head and figure things out."

**.x**

She's stalling.

All he wants is the truth.

**.x**

"Look, Karin. I know, that sometimes in life, you have to let go, but sometimes, you've got to hold on with both hands and never let go."

And his hand finds her.

"So, please, just tell me: why'd you go?"

**.x**

"… because I knew that after a while, you'd tire of me."

"Karin."

"No, that's not true. You'd tire of the _lifestyle_, moving from place to place. You're a grounded person, always have and will be. You just needed to be reminded of that, finding your purpose once more. And I… I have to move. I don't like being settled; don't like being tethered to a place… a person."

"So you cut ties." It sounds ridiculous.

"… mm. It gets lonely, talking to the dead and doing them a favour, be it live or an object. But, so many _wonderful_ things happen; and freedom… freedom is awesome. I don't want to tied down, and though I… though I love you, and wouldn't _mind_ you coming along, you'd hate it. Maybe not at first, but… eventually. And then we'd fight, and argue, and break up, and I couldn't deal with that."

"You're so damn stupid; you should really listen to yourself. What about you? Wouldn't you stop living the freelance lifestyle after a while? Maybe not at first, but in time… the loneliness gets to you. I know it does. You became so animated around these people, so I didn't notice at first, but, it's true. You're lonely."

"… I wasn't lonely when you were around." Karin feels inclined to add.

"That's not the point. The point is… I _want_ to be with you. And if that means, going from place to place, time to time, then I wouldn't mind. Because people change, and hey, maybe you won't want to move, maybe you'd want to stay here and settle. And I know, that's not _now…_ but I can wait." His smile is gentle, one she knows very well. "I've been waiting so long for you; I can wait a little longer."

**.x**

And she kisses him; hot and feverish; quick and crushing. A kiss that sends their hearts ablaze, a kiss that makes the rest of the world stop and stare.

**.x**

Hitsugaya Toushirou has _always_ been the exception to her rule.

**.x**

If he hadn't, she would have left him long ago, in the shores of Kobe.

**.x**

"Ask me." Karin says. "Ask to stay, and I will."

"No." Toushirou shakes his head. "Only if you want to."

"What?"

**.x**

"If you want to stay… then stay. If you want to go… then go. But for fuck's sake, Karin, take me with you and _next_ time don't leave your mobile behind."

"Oh, don't worry." Karin wryly smiles. "There won't be a next time."

**.x**

"Say it; say it and this time, don't runaway." Toushirou murmurs in her ear.

And this time, she has nothing to lose, she has—

**.x**

It's time to _stop _running and take him.

**.x**

"I love you."

**.x**

There's no more distance between them.

**.x**

"I love you too."

**.x**

—she has _him_, and he makes her happy, that's all that matters.

**.x**

He's _here._

**.x**

Part three: complete.

**.x**

It's not the soccer gang's fault that they start bawling, because they've finally got it right. And this time, it's _real._

Secret handshake number five is now active. Karin's personal favourite.

The four of them: Kazuya, Ryouhei, Donny and Pinta are much pleased with their matchmaking.

**.x**

"It's about damn time." Ichigo says, arm around Momo, who's pretty certain her water just broke.

**.x**

It's a… a… good wed—it's the _perfect_ wedding. One with a trouble, mayhem and a lot of love.

**.x**

Once upon a time, there is a dragon, and there is a knight.

Once upon a time, there is a boy, and there is a girl.

The dragon liked to glower, and the knight liked to beat things up.

The boy liked the girl and the girl liked the boy.

After many disputes, the dragon and the knight feigned death so people could stop bothering them. The plan worked, and they lived happily ever after.

After many disputes, the people surrounding them decided to do them a favour and get them together. The plan worked and…

**.x**

And, in time, she became Hitsugaya Karin.

In time, so many things happened.

Maybe it wasn't exactly a perfect life to live, but it's one that made them happy to be _alive_ and to _live_ and _love_.

**.x**

That's the important thing.

**.x**

And so far, they have a pretty good 'happily ever after'; even if they aren't caricatures of fairy tales.

**.x**

It's all they've ever wanted.

**.x**

**a/n.** _I can't believe this is over – thank you so much reviewing, favouriting and alerting. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing._


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